Kintsugi for Kilgrave
by tenner
Summary: AU Torchwood/Jessica Jones crossover - Kintsugi - An object mended with gold is rendered more beautiful. The same can be said of a human being. Before Kilgrave can be mended he must be broken. Can Jack Harkness do both? Can Jack, Ianto and Gwen really tame a monster? Elements of S&M, not really an S&M story. Warning for past child abuse. Jack/Kilgrave Jack/Ianto
1. Chapter 1 Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Kintsugi: for Kilgrave

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a Jessica Jones/Torchwood crossover  
AU – takes place after the conclusion of season 1 of Jessica Jones. In this universe Children of the Earth never happened and Kilgrave isn't dead.

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Kintsugi (golden joinery) – the art of mending broken pottery with gold. Kintsugi can be seen as part of the wabi-sabi philosophy – that there is beauty in imperfection. An object mended with gold is rendered more beautiful. The same can be said of a human being. But before Kilgrave can be mended, he must be broken. More than broken. He must be shattered.

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WARNING: this story will go to some dark places. If you are easily triggered by child abuse in all forms, bondage, humiliation, corporal punishment and references to rape or if you're homophobic you might want to stop now. If you're one of those people who think Kilgrave fans are excusing rape just stop now anyway. I really don't want you reading my work. (there is no excuse for rape and there's no excuse for falsely accusing people of excusing rape either) Also, this isn't an S&M story although it does have some elements of that in it. I will admit to a certain amount of schadenfreude at Kilgrave's suffering, after all he does deserve to be punished. But again, this is NOT an S&M story. Sometimes someone needs a taste of their own medicine. As for what it's really about, read it and see. Just hold on to your feels. Hope you enjoy it. This story is going to take a long time to write and there will be a while between chapters as I'm being VERY careful with it.

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The floor was cold. The floor was always cold. But that was nothing, really. Nothing he had ever suffered compared to this.

Starting with waking up in the cold glass booth in IGH Lab, needles being poked into him, the techs casually speaking of the fluids in the syringes; rendered products of his own aborted baby. And all the while he could only lie there like a good little paralytic.

The cracking sound of his own breaking neck revisited him day and night. Circular thoughts built around it, like a gradual growth of dust particles around some insignificant pebble deep in space. The dust particles made the pebble grow and the bigger it got, the more overpowering the memories and emotions revolving around it became. This did not make his pain more significant, but less, just as he himself knew he was not more than human as he had once believed, but less. His pain mean nothing because he was nothing. Less than nothing.

After all, there he was, a lab rat again. Just as he'd started out. He couldn't remember not being a lab rat from his earliest memory, and then he'd been one again. Lab rats were not by definition human. Fucking IGH Labs. The same ones who had paid dear old mum to inject chemicals into him even in her womb — he had discovered that little nugget of motherly love in the file left out when he was only seven, obviously forgotten to be put away by his parents. Paid her and his father to further experiment on him. Kept him locked away. The expression 'like a dirty secret' didn't apply to one Kevin Thompson. Kevin Thompson wasn't like a dirty secret. Kevin Thompson was a dirty secret. A dirty secret in so many ways. IGH paid good money to make it so. And little by little Kevin Thompson died in that lab. Became someone else. And then we was free to walk the earth, and oh, how powerful he'd been as Kilgrave. Until that snap of the neck and all had gone black and he's woken in IGH labs, a lab rat again, not knowing how the hell he'd gotten there.

But he wasn't there anymore. It happened so suddenly, and still the man who now kept him hadn't explained everything fully. Kilgrave suspected the withholding of information was part of his punishment. Looking back he remembered being in restraints on a gurney, even though he was still paralyzed. Now and again someone would come and inject something into his veins and into his vocal chords so he couldn't speak. They talked about him like he was just a thing, not even a person. He hated them for it. Just a lab rat again.

A tech was drawing up drugs in a syringe for him when it happened. At first it seemed the air conditioner had maybe gone wonky, blowing papers everywhere, but then there was a noise, a funny grindy-screechy noise, and there were soldiers in red berets and uniforms that said UNIT kicking doors down, and then a big blue box just appeared in his cell. Out of it came an older man and a younger one, the latter with cool blue eyes. He wore a World War II great coat and a savage expression on his handsome face. He spoke not a word, but freed Kilgrave from his restrains, lifted him from the gurney and looked at the older man.

"Doctor," said the younger man, "You sure you can do this?"

"So little faith, Jack, when did you lose faith in me?" the older man replied. "By the time I'm done with him he won't be able to tell a dog to fetch without permission from you. The question is, are you up to the task?"

"I learned some pretty tough techniques during my days as a Time Agent, Doctor. Not exactly proud of it. But it looks like I finally have a chance to put that particular skill set to good use."

"That's why we're here," said the older man. "This lab will be shut down as of tonight. This fellow isn't their only product, you know. They've done too much damage, gone too far. UNIT can take care of the super-soldiers they have here. But this fellow, he's beyond anyone's power to control. Anyone without extensive psychic training, that is. We have to get him out of here. You know how humans are, Jack. The only solution they'll see is his death, or trying to control him and weaponize him and I can't have that."

The man carried him into the blue box. He must be hallucinating at this point. The box was much bigger on the inside and crammed with strange machinery. The older man busied himself with various knobs and switches. He flicked his eyes at the younger man.

"Why are you just standing there holding him, he needs medical attention before we can psychically alter his powers, take him to the med bay." he grumbled. "The TARDIS will show you how to use the bone and neural knitter. It won't alter his powers, unfortunately. He's been changed on a genetic level. If we try to undo that damage we could kill him. The TARDIS will heal him, however."

The younger man only nodded and carried Kilgrave to another room. Another gurney and more restraints, then. Why, when he couldn't move? The man pulled a screen closer to himself and perused what he found there, afterward pulling cables and straps down from a set of hooks hanging above the gurney. He fastened the straps to various parts of Kilgrave's body. He pulled down a long cable, attached a needle to it and jammed the needle into Kilgrave's neck. He flipped a switch.

Had Kilgrave's vocal chords not been paralyzed he would have screamed a good five minutes before passing out.

When he came to he could feel a presence in his mind and knew it was the older man. Knew the older man was not, in fact a man. This was no human, Kilgrave could feel the alien-ness of him to the core of his being. The alien was in his head. In his head! As if he hadn't had enough people dicking around in there since his earliest memory, now he had a fucking alien dicking around in his head!

The alien seemed to be installing things in his mind, things like switches, and disabling other things, like disconnecting circuits or putting circuit breakers on them, installing command switches, fail-safes, on-and-off buttons. Kilgrave felt more like an appliance than a human under the power of this alien. As if being a lab-rat wasn't dehumanizing enough, now he was being fine-tuned like a machine. The alien continued installing switches and re-routing circuits in his psyche. And overlaid on each and every one were the images of the alien and the young, handsome man. Some of the switches had other faces as well, faces he'd never seen before. He tried to push the alien out but nothing happened. The alien went right on doing whatever he was doing, pausing only to send a psychic wave into Kilgrave's mind that let him know he was to keep still and take what was happening to him as the price paid for all his wrongdoing. When it was done the alien presence left his mind. It happened with a suddenness that left the impression this was not how it was usually done, as if the alien, the one the younger man had called 'Doctor', couldn't wait to get out of Kilgrave's mind, as though being in his mind had somehow dirtied and disgusted the alien.

As though to confirm this, the Doctor pulled a kerchief from his pocket and wiped his hands. "Now, then, Jack," the Doctor said, "He's healed—and quickly, too—must be something in his DNA that makes him heal better than normal humans—and able to speak now. Why don't you try a little test run, as it were. Let's see what happens. And to be honest, I just want to see the look on his face."

The younger man stepped forward and removed Kilgrave's restraints. "Get up," he said, voice even and calm. That attitude unsettled Kilgrave. These people seemed aware of his powers. They had obviously just used some sort of advanced technology to heal him. Now they were letting him up and seemed to have no fear whatsoever of his powers or so much as an inkling of what he could make them do. And they were setting him free? Stupid, stupid move.

Swinging his now working legs over the edge of the gurney, he stood up and stretched his limbs. God, it felt wonderful to be able to move.

"Thank you." he said. "Thank you so much for rescuing me from that awful place. And thank you for what can only be described as a miraculous healing you did on me. Broken neck, very unpleasant. There. Never let it be said I'm ungrateful. And now that that's out of the way, you in the coat. You're carrying a pistol, I see. Aim it at your friend's head and don't stop shooting until he's dead. After that, you'll take me back to New York. I have unfinished business with Miss Jones. Once you've taken me there, shoot yourself in the head."

The Doctor looked at the younger man and the two of them had a good laugh. After that, things really went down-hill.

"Get down on your knees," said the younger man.

And Kilgrave did. Not only did he, he felt overwhelmed by the need to do so. As if the world might just end if he didn't do as he was told. Why was it suddenly so hard to breathe? "What?" He looked up at the two men from his place on the floor. "How? How are you doing this? What's happening?"

"What's happening is a reversal of fortune, so to speak," said the younger man. "You don't get to control people anymore. Now you get controlled."

"But that's not...it can't..."

"Hush, now," replied the younger man. "The Doctor has put me in charge of you. I would say you're my prisoner, but you don't even rate that descriptive. More like property. My name is Jack Harkness. Captain Jack Harkness. You will address me as 'Captain' or 'Sir'. Now say 'yes, Captain'".

And the words spilled right out of Kilgrave's mouth, "Yes, Captain." An odd feeling of this both being the natural state of things as well as being overwhelmingly humiliating washed through him.

"The Doctor has decided your worthless life should be saved and we should try to bring you back into the human race. It's my job to see it done properly. You aren't going to be having much fun, Kilgrave," said the Captain. "Because to do my job, to rebuild you, I have to break you first. As confusing as this all is, the Doctor and I are both aware of your above-average intelligence. Now tell me how much you understand about what's going on."

"You aren't obeying me so I've lost my powers. But I'm compelled to obey you, so the Doctor did something to me that makes me obey you. And the two of you have decided to make me conform to normal standards of human ethical behavior. I'm now your slave."

"Oh, Kilgrave," the Captain said, a sad smile on his face. "You really are a twisted little ticket, aren't you? You got some of that right. Come here. On your knees."

Kilgrave crept closer, still looking up at the Captain, unable to look away from those icy blue eyes. Part of him wanted to rush forward like an attention-starved puppy, part of him wanted to die of embarrassment.

The Captain cupped his chin and looked into his eyes. It wasn't out of affection, but Kilgrave did sense a sort of concern. He found it puzzling. "Listen now," the Captain said. "I guess I'm expecting you to understand too much because I know how clever you are. I forget that you're also very sick. Yes, I am going to break you. But then I'll rebuild you. That's why you have to be my property. It's not so you're a slave to serve and amuse me. It's because it makes me your keeper and the one responsible for helping you to become the man you should have been to start with. It's going to be hard work for both of us. And not fun. Especially for you. I doubt you understand how much you deserve to be punished. I doubt even more you understand how much you need a second chance. Whether you deserve it or not. I got a second chance. I changed. I'm a better man than I was. And I'm going to make sure you become a better man now."

Kilgrave was robbed of any response he may have wanted to give by a thump as the thing – whatever this was he was in – shook as though it had been dropped and had landed. Kilgrave fell on his ass hard.

"Cardiff" announced the Doctor, "Thank you, Jack, for your help with this. You probably won't thank me. Or at least not for a while, anyway. I know you're up to the task. So if you would, please take this nasty bit of humanity off my ship and get to work on him, will you?"

"Consider it done, Doc," Jack grinned at the Doctor, giving him a half-salute and a naughty wink. He looked down at Kilgrave. "Thank the Doctor. And say 'sir'."

"Thank you, Sir," Kilgrave said, reacting with instant obedience. He had just thanked the alien and didn't even know what he was thanking him for, he just knew he needed to. Wanted to. Just had to.

"On your feet," the Captain ordered. Kilgrave stood. The Captain held out his hand. "When we're not in the Hub, you'll hold my hand like a child," he said. "You're under my care. Expect to be reminded of this constantly. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir," Kilgrave said, taking the captain's hand. He felt a blush rising to his cheeks as he was led out of the doors and onto the grass around a fountain. "Sir, where are we going?"

"Torchwood," the Captain replied. "I call it home. You'll probably think of it as prison. At least for a very long time. Hush now, and come along."

"Yes, Sir," Kilgrave said. The Captain led him through the crowd. Kilgrave could hear a few sniggers behind him as they passed. He looked down at himself and noticed for the first time he was wearing pajamas. Pink and blue pajamas and those sock-thingies they put on you in hospitals.

"You're blushing," the Captain chuckled. "Poor baby. This isn't even a hint of a scratch on the surface, sweet cheeks. Be grateful I don't have a collar and leash on you."

Kilgrave gulped. Because no way was the Captain making a hollow joke with that remark, As humiliating as it was to have to hold the Captain's hand, he gripped it a little tighter as with each step he took, his heart sank a little closer to his feet.

A kind of numbness had set in completely different from that of being paralyzed. In the back of his mind he was screaming to pull away and run. But overlaying that sat a deep-rooted fear of letting go of the Captain's hand. Of relinquishing control. He remembered a time when he was very small watching a rabbit in the lab that had just been injected with one of the drugs Mom and Dad had been developing for him. The rabbit had scurried about its cage in a panic, slamming against the wire in a bid to escape until its head had been a bloody mess. Was he that rabbit now?

The Captain led him across a plas and onto a walk in front of a tower where water flowed in a silvery sheet. He was stood on one of the paving stones and felt his body jolt as it sank. It was taking them – where? He looked about, unconsciously moving closer to the Captain. He looked about as they reached their destination. This was, what? Some kind of subterranean...oh God, not another lab, please! It was dark in here and hard to tell what kind of place this was, and the Captain wasn't being forthcoming. His hand was released. Somehow he didn't want to let go, though. The Captain pried his fingers loose. His upper arm was grabbed instead and Kilgrave got a taste of how strong the Captain's hands were. He was pulled and pushed until they were in a small office. The Captain guided him around a desk and forced him to the floor.

"Stay there," he snapped. "That's your place, at my feet. You don't move until I say so. Not to eat, drink or go to the toilet. You do nothing without my express permission. I'm only going to control you by compelling you for so long. Because that's too easy. You're going to do this the hard way. You'll learn to do as I say not because I psychically compel you to do so. You'll do it because you're mine to command and to care for. Say goodbye to the old Kilgrave. It's going to hurt, feeling the old you die an inch at a time. I won't make it all bad, mind you. You are kind of cute. And you do look good in purple. I like purple. Let's hope you don't have to have too many bruises that color because I won't hesitate to give them to you."

He sat on the freezing floor at the Captain's feet in silence as he'd been told. His legs got crampy and his back hurt, so he moved around a little, but not too much. The Captain, for his part, ignored him, going through files on his computer. Some of them were from his own childhood, though how the Captain had acquired a copy was a mystery. An amused glance from those blue eyes showed the Captain must know what he was thinking. But the only explanation Kilgrave got was, "We're Torchwood." Kilgrave was held by that steady gaze for a few moments. "Time for you to stand up and have a stretch and a drink of water and go to the toilet."

He groaned with pleasure as he stood and stretched. "Thank you, Sir," he sighed. Wait, what was that?

The Captain had noticed it, too. One brow rose in amusement. "I didn't compel you to say that. Why did you thank me?"

Kilgrave drew a blank. Unable to answer, he looked at his feet.

"Come on now, answer me. And look at me when I'm talking to you. Don't make me compel you. And don't make me force you."

But Kilgrave couldn't make himself raise his eyes. A confusing whirl of emotions fluttered inside him, near-dizzying in its intensity. He heard footsteps, felt a strong hand grasp his face, forcing him to look at his captor.

"I said answer me, and when I say look at me when I'm talking to you I mean it. Do not disobey me again." There was a cool anger in the Captain's expression now. Kilgrave swallowed. He was thirsty, and his throat clicked.

"I, well, Sir, I'm not exactly sure, I just...usually I would," he paused, trying to gather his thoughts. He'd almost said 'usually I would have told you to walk off a building or go kill your best friend' but he didn't think it wise to be so forthcoming just now. Yet there was an honest answer. And Kilgrave somehow knew the Captain would sniff out dishonestly like a bloodhound. Best to be as truthful as possible then. After all the Captain did have the power to compel him to tell the truth anyway. "It's just that it's so cold on the floor and I was hurting from staying in the same position so long and I was listening to the recording you were playing from when I was a child and when you turned it off and said I could get up I felt so much relief so I just...I was grateful, Sir."

"There's more to it than that," said the Captain, releasing the hold on his face. Kilgrave could have looked away but couldn't bring himself to. The Captain now wore a half-wry, half grim expression. "You just can't see it yet. But you will. Come on, toilet's this way. And yes, I'll be watching your every move for quite a while. Get used to it."

The temptation to balk was there, but his bladder practically sang to be emptied. "Yes, Sir," he said, voice now hoarse with thirst. And it was embarrassing. Horribly so. Still, he'd been raised in a lab. No privacy there, either. He would have to find a way out of all this, but for now...

"Come on," the Captain said as Kilgrave tucked himself back into his pajamas. "Let's get you hydrated and measured for clothes."

He was taken out into the larger area of what the Captain called 'the Hub'. There he met a man, introduced as Ianto Jones and instructed to address as Mr. Jones, and a woman called Gwen Cooper whom he was to address as Mrs. Cooper. He was to show them respect at all times upon pain of punishment, but wasn't told what that punishment would be.

They glared at him as if he were a diseased rat. The woman in particular gave him venomous looks. The Captain reacted with a cool "Later, conference room." He was led to a small kitchen and given a glass of water which he drank quickly until the Captain took it from him. "Slow down," he said. You'll make yourself sick. Take sips. Sit." He indicated a chair at a table. The Captain made himself a cup of coffee, then a cup of tea and handed the tea to Kilgrave. "After today you'll be doing this for me. You'll make my coffee. You'll bring it to me. You'll prepare my meals. You'll do the cleaning. You'll do whatever the team needs you to do including cleaning up after the weevils and Myfanwy. You'll be doing a lot of things. All of it's for a reason. Ianto! Tape measure, please. If I have to be around this little shit all the time at least he's got to look nice."

So after he was allowed to finish his tea Mr. Jones more or less snatched him up by his upper arm and measured him. It was done roughly and coldly, not as a tailor would do so. He felt more like livestock being fitted for a harness.

The Captain led him about the Hub after that. Not all of it. "I'm saving the cells with the weevils for later," he said. This with a slightly sadistic smile. "There's where we keep the cleaning supplies. You'll be using them daily. The kitchen will be kept spotless or Mr. Jones will make you sorry, and he's very picky, so do a good job. That's called a rift manipulator. Don't touch it. It's extremely dangerous. Laundry room. You'll be doing my laundry. Down there is where we'll be sleeping. You'll keep it tidy, too. A word about my coat. Take special care of it. Brush it daily. Check the buttons. If any are loose, I'll give you a needle and thread so you can tighten them up. You will polish my boots. You will..."

And on and on and on. He had to get out of this some way. Manipulation, rebellion, whatever it took. He couldn't live like this!

When the clothing came he was taken down a manhole—the Captain's sleeping quarters which, he was told, they would be sharing—and shown where to keep his attire. As the items were taken out he couldn't miss the fact that each one was the same. The same purple jeans, the same plain purple tee, the same purple jumper, purple socks and two pairs or purple...converse? Really? The Captain didn't even allow him the dignity of undressing himself and putting on his new clothing. Instead, he had to be undressed and dressed like a doll or a child. Kilgrave could feel the fury in him rising and squelched it down. Not yet. He wasn't on firm footing. He knew nothing about these people or his surroundings and was in the custody of a man capable of compelling him to do anything he pleased, and who had also threatened to beat the shit out of him. But his time would come. Oh, yes.

He was led back out to the main area where the Captain paraded him him before the others, smirking. The woman giggled. "Ianto, you did that deliberately, didn't you? Not just tight jeans, but stretchy ones that show everything he's got?"

"Wait until he stoops to pick up rubbish from the floor."

The woman wadded up a piece of paper and tossed it on the floor. "Oops," she said. "Oh, dear. I guess you'd better pick that up, then."

Kilgrave knew they could see the displeasure on his face since they all had a good laugh. He crossed his arms and glared.

"Do as she says," the Captain barked. And this time he was compelled. Well, then, the Captain had meant what he said about obeying them all. It was obey them on his own or obey by compulsion. The odd desire to please overcame him again. He wanted to please the woman and now felt unhappy he had denied her.

When he bent to pick up the paper they all hooted and whistled. As he stood back up the Captain gave his ass a slap. "Now, see?" he said to the others. "It's not going to be all bad. For us, anyway."

Great. Just great. So he was what? Going to be a sex toy, too? Well, it was what he deserved, he supposed, according to some.

He felt his cheeks burn with the humiliation and bit his lower lip with frustration. The Captain ordered him to follow and they went back to his office, and then it was to sit back down on the ice cold floor while his belly cried out for something to eat. He supposed he would be fed in good time. But for now, all he could do was sit shivering on the cold floor in misery and wish he was dead.


	2. Chapter 2 - Chrysalis

Kintsugi for Kilgrave chapter 2

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Chrysalis

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"I don't like it," Gwen said, arms crossed tight as though to shield all from her ire. "I've seen the records. The films we hacked from every little corner of his life that no one has. He's an animal, Jack. A rabid beast, and you know what we do with them."

"I seem to recall cell blocks full of them downstairs, all alive-alive-oh." Jack snarked.

"That's different," Gwen snapped back. "The Weevils are aliens, they can't help what they are!"

"And he was created in a lab and raised in isolation by abusive parents that didn't love him enough to even teach him about morals and ethics and I've got news, I've found evidence of worse, and in case you weren't paying attention, he's no normal human. And he's mine. My responsibility."

"I don't like him either," Ianto said. "Besides, isn't this slavery?"

"Not in the conventional sense. I have to have complete control over him in order to..."

But that's all Kilgrave heard as he passed them for the fourth time crawling on hands and knees around the perimeter of the Hub doing as he'd been compelled. He and been neglectful, left out a single empty sugar packet. Mr. Jones had been displeased. When told to pick it up he had snapped a "pick it up yourself" without thinking it through. The Captain had slapped him hard, then shouted a compulsion. "You will obey Mr. Jones! You will not only pick up that packet, you will do it in the manner he sees fit!"

Turned out Mr. Jones had quite the imagination when it came to doling out punishment. And so he was crawling on hands and knees, blowing the packet before him and reciting: "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." And then he had to blow the paper before him so it landed about a foot and a half in front of him, crawl forward and repeat the process. "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." Blow the paper then crawl forward again. Hour after hour after hour after hour crawling across a freezing cold floor, his hands and knees beginning to bleed. "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." Blow and crawl. "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." Blow and crawl. "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." Blow and crawl.

The Captain had said he'd found evidence of something worse, but when he tried to think what that could be nothing came to him. What could be worse? Still, he shuddered a bit. He felt dizzy, and he didn't think it was from blowing this stupid bloody bit of paper around the hub. And he had the odd feeling that just around the corner was some invisible pit he might plunge into. A bottomless one, from whence there would be no rescue. His stomach fluttered. "We are both rubbish. We have no purpose." Blow and crawl. He approached the office again. The three team members were still in there, looking at files on the Captain's laptop. Mrs. Cooper wiped her eyes. Why had she been weeping? Mr. Jones wore a shocked expression on his face and the Captain? The Captain just looked sad. Like he had seen too much. Like there was far too much pain and horror in the world and he wanted to fix it and knew he never could. He saw Kilgrave approaching.

"Oh, Jesus, Ianto, we forgot about him," he growled.

"Oh, God, he's been at it for hours!" This from Mrs. Cooper. "Look at the state of him."

"Shit," was all Mr. Jones said before stepping out in the hallway and taking him by the shoulders. "You can stop now," he added. "Jack, he's bleeding. His hands and knees are bleeding."

The Captain went to him and looked him over. He was aching all over from the ordeal, so exhausted he couldn't even stand up and he was so glad it was over. "Thank you, Sir," he gasped. And promptly collapsed like a wet sheet of paper.

* * *

A sort of nausea of the mind sat with Jack as he dealt with his charge. The constant irritation could have tempted him to slip from discipline to outright torture, but that was a line he intended not to cross. He might have to come close to it though, Damned close. Like on that first night when it came time to feed Kilgrave.

Jubilee pizza. A staple of his operation. They practically lived on it. And Jack knew Kilgrave would hate it. He'd seen the files and he knew why. Good old Torchwood. Collecting files on everything and everyone even remotely out of the ordinary. Torchwood One had started watching the Thompsons from very early on, had planted spies in the campus labs where the Thompsons did their work bankrolled by IGH labs. Little Kevin had been raised on fast food. While his parents dined on steaks and chops and nice, fresh produce. Little Kevin was given burgers, pizza, fish and chips, nutritionally supplemented of course, to keep him healthy, but from the moment he had tasted actual real food at the age of ten, Kilgrave had decided he would never eat fast food again. Jack sighed. No wonder he hated fast food. He buzzed Ianto. "Order us some dinner, will you? The unusual."

Jack stood up from his desk where he had been reviewing Kilgrave's files with headphones on. He didn't want his charge to know how much he knew or how much more he was learning. He rubbed the back of his neck and stretched. A thought niggled at him. Should he? Well, he was supposed to be wearing his charge down...

He sat back down and shut his laptop. "Stand up," he said.

He watched Kilgrave rise from the floor, obviously stiff from sitting on the floor so long. He rubbed his hands together and then rubbed his upper arms, waiting for Jack to say something.

"I need a neck-rub," Jack said. He struggled to keep a straight face at the look Kilgrave gave him—that of an imperious kitten an owner had just presented something less than likable to. "You heard me," Jack said firmly.

A muttered "Yes, Sir," and Kilgrave stepped behind Jack and placed his hands on Jack's sore muscles.

"Fuck, your hands are like ice," Jack hissed.

"The floor is very cold," Kilgrave replied.

"Yeah, well so is that tiny black lump you call a conscience. Now give me a massage, it'll warm you up."

A disgruntled sigh and Kilgrave did as he was told. Truth be told, the man had good hands. Long fingers, delicate but stronger than they looked, and quite agile. Obviously experienced, too, he knew all the right pressure points to relieve the kinks. Jack sighed with relief. If only Kilgrave wasn't such an asshole Jack might have felt the sensations head south, but knowing what he knew...

Once his pain had lessened his stomach growled. He was certain Kilgrave had to be hungry, too. "That's enough," he said. Kilgrave stepped back as Jack stood. Reward obedience, Jack thought, and gave Kilgrave's shoulder and gentle squeeze. "Good job. Let's get something to eat."

He led Kilgrave to the conference room where a stack of boxed up pizzas sat, Gwen and Ianto ready to dig in. "Sit," Jack told Kilgrave. He grabbed a couple of paper plates (he knew Kilgrave would also hate paper plates, he loved his fine china) and slapped slices of pizza on them. Plunking one down in front of Kilgrave, he took a bite of his own. Nodded at Kilgrave's plate and said around his mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, "Eat up."

Oh, the look on Kilgrave's face. He poked it with a finger, lip curled in disgust.

"Aren't you hungry?" This from Gwen.

He nodded.

"So then, eat," she waved a hand at his plate. "Go on, eat your food like a good boy."

Like a good boy. Jack knew the second those words left her lips it was going to get ugly.

Kilgrave's face darkened, his teeth gritted in a snarl. "Don't say that to me! That's what they used to say when they fed me this crap, eat your food like a good boy, then they would sidle off and have a nice roast, chops, steak, but it was eat your shit food like a good boy because your nothing but a lab rat! They had real food and fed me cheap shit even while they filled their bank account with the money they got for experimenting on their own son!"

Jack grabbed him by the back of his collar and shook him hard. "Say sorry to Mrs. Cooper, NOW!"

Kilgrave just glared at him. Jack's temper boiled. He pulled Kilgrave up, then shoved him to the floor. Shoved him hard so that he actually bounced, eliciting a cry of pain. "Stay there," Jack said, this time compelling him. He sat and finished his pizza, then ate Kilgrave's piece as well. Ianto and Gwen had the good sense to say nothing, but finished eating. Ianto rose and started to clean up until Jack said, "That's his job now, remember?" He indicated Kilgrave with a nod of his head towards the lump of human misery at his feet. He glared at Kilgrave. "Get up and gather up the scraps. You should have eaten your pizza. There's none left."

Kilgrave stood, still under compulsion, and with a "Yes, Sir," did as he was told. Jack hated using compulsion. He could tell it made Kilgrave actually want to obey. It made a part of him desire doing Jack's bidding and made him find a kind of sick fulfillment in it. Well, Kilgrave needed to know how that felt. He needed to get a bellyful of it until he understood how monstrous he had become. However, Jack was sure this wasn't going to wear him down enough so that Jack could get to the core of him and really work on changing him. For that he would have to be broken without compulsion, but first things first. Make him feel sick at the thought of what compulsion did to his victims by using it on Kilgrave, himself, then wear him down, humiliate him and break him until he could get to the core of him. Only then could he begin to rebuild Kilgrave into a different man. He sighed, watching his charge tidy up, piling scraps into one pizza box. He started towards the rubbish.

"Stop," Jack said. "Bring that here." Kilgrave did an about-face and went to Jack, awaiting further instruction. "On the floor at my feet with the scraps. You will eat all of them, and you will enjoy them. You have to have something to eat, and you will eat what you are given when you are given it. Be grateful I'm not like one asshole I know that forced my dearest friend to live on dog food. Not even wet dog food but kibble. Any more trouble out of you and you'll be eating out of a Happy Kitty tin. Got it?" Fuck, why did Kilgrave put him in this situation of having to come down on him like this? It made Jack even angrier and he had to force down his temper. During his days as a Time Agent he would already have been breaking ribs with the toe of his boot. Not any more though, not since the Doctor had helped him become a better man. The object here was punishment and discipline, not sadism and revenge.

Part of it was indeed humiliation, just as Kilgrave had humiliated his own victims. And so: "Ianto, Gwen. Get over here and watch this. Now." Said team members, recognizing that 'shift your asses' tone of voice did exactly that. Jack did not fail to notice that Kilgrave caught that as well. Jack was a man accustomed to obedience. He could see Kilgrave practically filing the information away. Good.

Ianto observed with his usual consummate poker face. Again, Jack could see Kilgrave observing his captors, reading what he could of them. Gwen stood over him, a little smirk on her lips. "Are we enjoying our num-nums?" she sniggered.

Kilgrave chewed and swallowed before answering, with a nod, "Yes, Ma'am." He held up the box to show Jack he had finished the last crumb. Jack patted his head. "Good boy," he said. Looking at his team members, he continued. "Earlier today I was thinking about my goals for our bad boy here. And I suddenly remembered this little do-dad I had, just a little thing an old boyfriend gave me once. He was as entomologist. Had a thing about luna moths. He said they were a symbol of rebirth, of the spiritual. Of regeneration, if I may wax poetical. He used to say I could be one except I'm not docile. He gave me the do-dad I'm talking about, though, to remember him by. Had it custom made. That's why I had you order up the velvet collar, Ianto." Jack pulled from his pocket a broad purple velvet collar with a silver ring sewn onto it. He pulled another item from his pocket and held it up. Even in the dim light of the Hub it sparkled. "This is a chrysalis. A luna moth chrysalis. It's made of silver and studded with diamonds and peridots. The peridots are why you can see the sparkle so much. Ancient Egyptians called them evening emeralds because they catch starlight." He shook the trinket and it made a silvery little tinkling. "See? It's a little bell." He fastened the little bell onto the collar. Next to it he also fastened a small round dog tag engraved with the words 'property of Captain Jack Harkness'. "I just love the dog-tag," he grinned. "A gift to me from the TARDIS as a matter of fact. She does have a sense of humor, you know. Put the pizza box in the rubbish and come here," Jack told Kilgrave.

Still under compulsion, Kilgrave gave him a smile and a nod. "Yes, sir," he said with eagerness, yet with self-loathing just behind his eyes. Just as it should be, then. He did as he was told.

Jack took him by the shoulders and turned him so that he was facing Gwen and Ianto. He hung his head, so Jack reached around with one hand and tipped his head up by the chin. Forcing him to show his shamed face to Ianto and Gwen. Then, just to rub it in, he stroked Kilgrave's cheek. "Stand still," he said. "Captain is going to bell the pretty kitty."

Jack fastened the collar around his neck. Kilgrave trembled beneath his touch, probably a mixed bag of emotions he was powerless to do a single damned thing about but take it like a dog.

"Touch the collar," Jack instructed. "Describe how it feels."

Kilgrave raised a hand to his neck. He ran his fingers across the fabric as Jack walked around him to better study his countenance. "Well?"

"Soft, sir. It feels soft."

"That's right, it does. Now why do you suppose I chose velvet instead of leather for your collar? Look at me when I talk to you!"

Kilgrave opened and closed his mouth like a fish, eyes wide, a look of near terror in his eyes. "I—I don't know, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir I—"

"Because that's what I'm going to make you. Soft. Pliable. Like clay in a potter's hands. I'm going to shape you, Kilgrave. Now say it loud and clear. What did I just put on you?"

"A collar, Sir."

"And what is it made of, and why?"

"It's made of velvet, Sir, because velvet is soft, Sir, because I will become soft for you, Sir, so you can make me a different person, Sir."

"And what is the charm on the collar?"

"A chrysalis, Sir."

"And what is a chrysalis before it's a chrysalis?"

"A caterpillar, Sir."

"And what is another word for caterpillar?"

"Sir? I—I don't understand, Sir."

"Worm, stupid. That's what you were. A fucking low life piece of shit no good worm. Say it."

"I was a worm, Sir. A fucking low life piece of shit no good worm, Sir."

"And what are you now?"

"Sir? I'm sorry Sir, I don't know how to answer..."

"The answer is you're mine. You're mine, and you'll be whatever I decide you're going to be. Say it."

"I'm yours, Sir. I will be whatever you decide I'm going to be, Sir."

"Now tell us how it feels to be compelled to do whatever I tell you to do."

"Sir, I don't wish to displease you, I want to make you happy, I can't be happy unless you're pleased with what I do, sir, I just," Kilgrave gasped, swallowed, struggling for words. "Sir, please, I—"

"What, you can't answer?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, I can't, I want to make you happy, I have to make you happy and I want to run away but that would make you unhappy so I can't and I..." Kilgrave's trembling intensified into outright shaking now.

Ianto was now looking at Jack with just a touch of confusion; he wasn't used to seeing this side of Jack. Gwen just glared but wisely kept her silence. "Conference on Project Purple Man tomorrow first thing, guys." That seemed to settle them, though he could tell they needed a ton of info. "Time to call it a night."

With the Hub now empty but for Kilgrave and himself Jack heaved a sigh. Bedtime. This promised to put the 'fun' in 'dysfunction'. That unique emotion, pique, ran through him. "Come on, you," he placed a hand on Kilgrave's shoulder and squeezed, noticing a wince of pain. Must have pushed him to the floor a lot harder than he thought. Jack went down first, listening to the soft ting of the little bell-charm on Kilgrave's collar as he ascended after.

"Stand up straight and be still while I undress you and inspect you," he said.

Still under compulsion, Kilgrave nodded, eager to please, yet with dread and fear behind his eyes. Jack stripped him and examined him. Sure enough there were scrapes and deep purple bruises on his knees, hips, elbows and a particularly large bruise on his shoulder. Schooling his face to show no sympathy, he looked Kilgrave in the eye and said, "I did warn you, I like purple on you, just not like this. See to it you don't wear it this way again. It displeases me to see your pretty skin marred by bruises. I like my possessions to look pretty, and you really are my possession. Get that through your skull. Now undress me so we can shower."

Jack had to laugh inwardly at the look on Kilgrave's face then: compelled eagerness mixed with true revulsion and this time sheer terror. Kilgrave's graceful hands shook as he obeyed. The mixture of emotions on Kilgrave's face shifted like waves on a beach. The desire to please morphed to trepidation, to fear, even anticipation and still beneath it all, clear to see behind those so-expressive big brown eyes lay resistance, humiliation and hatred. A lot to work on, Jack thought, wondering what he's got himself into. Well, he'd just have to fly by the seat of his pants. If he was wearing any at the moment, that is.

He reached out his hand and with the back of his knuckles he gently touched Kilgrave's cheek. Kilgrave flinched. "Easy, easy," Jack soothed. He could see that his charge was feeling the weight of compulsion. In dealing with Kilgrave Jack would have to employ the carrot and the stick: do it by compulsion or do it simply choosing to obey. Deal with nasty Jack of deal with nice Jack, but Jack would be dealt with, and Jack would be obeyed, by compulsion or my choice.

He released Kilgrave from compulsion. "Easy, now, easy, easy. I just have to look you over, check those bruises and scrapes. You can do this by compulsion or by choice. Let's try choice. Just relax," He stroked Kilgrave's cheek as though soothing a frightened child. "Come on, now, you can do this. Trust Sir. Just try. That's it. There, now, see. This isn't so bad, is it? That's it, just breathe and relax. Now are you willing, or are you going to make me use compulsion?"

Kilgrave heaved a sigh and it sounded an awful lot like relief. With that exhalation of breath the fire in his eyes dimmed a little. Trepidation remained and some fear but outright terror had fled along with the look that portrayed the disturbing plea to please. He nodded his consent with a soft "Yes, Sir."

Ah, a small victory, and didn't it feel nice. Kilgrave was still tense and resistant to having his space invaded. That had to be dealt with. He had to learn he had no personal space anymore. Jack continued to stroke his cheek, stepping just a little closer as if approaching a high-strung purebred.

"Hush, hush, now," he said, though Kilgrave hadn't uttered a sound. It was just soothing nonsense, just something to say. "Now let's see that shoulder." Jack turned him and with one hand on Kilgrave's shoulder, used his other hand to move Kilgrave's arm around. His charge gave a tiny yelp of pain. Jack had really done a number on him; he'd have to be more careful in future. The bruise was bigger than Jack's hand and a deep purple. He went on to turn Kilgrave this way and that, checking the scrapes and bruises on his elbow, knee and ankle. There was another rather large one on one hip where Kilgrave had bounced on the floor. Jack could tell he didn't like being handled like a dog at the veterinarian's office, but so far so good. Time to push the envelope. Kilgrave needed to be treated like an object. After all, that's what he had done to others. He needed to know what made that wrong.

Jack placed a hand on his belly. Kilgrave's eyes flew wide open as did his mouth, but before he could really react, Jack palpated his belly and was finished. "Yep, you ate enough," he said coolly. "I'll be doing this daily so get used to it. When I say you belong to me I mean that in every way. You aren't just mine to teach and to tell what to do. You're mine to care for. I'll need to know how much you're eating and drinking and your bathroom habits too. Just because I might have to punish you doesn't mean I want you in poor condition."

With that he turned Kilgrave again and with a half-pat, half-slap on one buttock said "Shower, now. You're also mine to keep nice and clean." He gave his charge a little push.

Kilgrave looked back over his shoulder at Jack with something that looked suspiciously like a pout.

He didn't like Jack bathing him, no sir, not one bit. Jack could tell he knew he was being deliberately treated like a child. Had behind his ears washed and all. He wasn't allowed to dry or dress himself in his pajamas either. His eyes did light up when he saw his sleepwear, though. Stylish, expensive and deep purple.

Then came bedtime. Jack indicated his narrow cot. "You'll be sleeping with me. That way I know if you're trying to escape. In case you're thinking of it, don't waste your time."

Jack could see a question behind those dark eyes, now, one he had no intention of answering. Kilgrave needed to feel this fear, needed to know the possibility of being taken against his will. Problem was, this is where Kilgrave balked. He didn't just balk, either. He backed away, eyes narrowed.

"No way," he said, shaking his head.

"Get in the fucking bed NOW!"

"I said no," again an emphatic shaking of the head, backing away even further towards the ladder.

Jack actually let him make it up three rungs before grabbing his ankles and forcing him back down. He kicked, he screamed, he swung his fists. None of it helped, of course. Jack being a seasoned combat veteran, he easily overpowered his charge. Jack sometimes amazed even himself at how quickly he could produce and use his handcuffs. But it didn't stop even then. Kilgrave kept right on struggling even with his hands cuffed behind his back.

"And we were doing so well," he scolded. "I'm fucking not going to compel you this time, you little shit. And I'm not letting that bruise on your ass stop me, either." He pinned Kilgrave to the bed face down with one knee and snatched down his pajama bottoms. Reaching for his trousers, he knew Kilgrave heard the hiss of his belt sliding from trouser loops. At least this time Jack had his temper under control, so the strikes were even. Strong, but not enough to break the skin. His charge proved to be a tough little bastard, though. By the time he heard what he needed to hear, a steady sobbing, Kilgrave's buttocks were fiery red and welts were rising.

"Now apologize unless you want more," Jack growled. "Twenty more licks if you don't."

"I'm suh—sorry, Sir! I'm sorry, sir! I won't try to run again, I won't!"

Jack released one hand and re-cuffed it to the bed rail. He pulled back the covers and pushed Kilgrave under them, then got in the bed himself. He was pretty sure his captive was terrified at this point. He was being forced to sleep in a narrow cot with a man who had just beaten his ass with a belt. Naked. And he was handcuffed. This was exactly the kind of fear Kilgrave needed to know.

Jack got in the bed and lay down behind Kilgrave, looped and arm around his waist and pulled him snugly against his naked body. He could feel the man trembling with fear and knew he was anticipating being violated.

It was a long time before Kilgrave cried himself to sleep.

They had made a little progress since then. There had been no more bedtime beatings, but he still cried himself to sleep every night, handcuffed to the bed next to his naked captor, Jack was sure wondering if tonight was the night it would happen. Jack could tell Kilgrave felt certain that sooner or later, it would. That one night the whim would strike, and Jack would rape him. Maybe the strain was what made him snap at Ianto that day over the empty sugar packet.

* * *

Jack picked up the unconscious Kilgrave and carried him to a nearby sofa. He laid him out on it and started patting his face. "Wake up," he called. "Kilgrave, wake up. What happened?"

Kilgrave just moaned. His hand went to the little silver chrysalis trinket and brushed it, causing it to make a soft tinging sound. The gesture was an odd one, as if the man, in his unconscious state, was seeking comfort from the little charm. "Kilgrave," Jack called, louder this time, patting his face harder.

That's when he noticed Kilgrave was burning up with fever. He practically felt like a furnace.


	3. Chapter 3 - Metamorphosis

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

Metamorphosis

* * *

A/N

I am unable (and unwilling)to answer anonymous reviews. If you have a question you must sign in.

* * *

Jack moved Kilgrave to the autopsy room, the closest thing Torchwood had to a medical facility. The autopsy table had been rolled away and hidden beneath a sheet. No need to scare anyone that sick by allowing them to wake up next to that. In its stead was a regular hospital bed where Kilgrave had been tucked in. Jack had been forced to call Martha. She knew about Operation Purple Man because the Doctor had informed her about it. Her feelings on the matter were conflicted and she really wanted nothing to do with it, but she didn't let her personal feelings stop her from being a doctor. She advised Jack to give him an I.V. of Ringer's solution and a strong antibiotic while she analyzed his blood-work. She also ordered I.V. supplements for him to make up for his nutritional deficiencies. He lay shivering under bags of ice as his body temperature had neared 42° C or 107° F depending on how one measured it.

"I think he may have been exposed to an alien virus," she told Jack. "You have to remember, we've all been around aliens, our bodies have built up defenses. His body hasn't, and you've had him cleaning up after the weevils. I've called the Doctor. He can use the TARDIS to figure out what's going on and how to treat it."

Jack felt a pang of guilt at the remark about Kilgrave catching a bug from the weevils. He hadn't thought of that. Moreover the man had been spending hours and hours on an ice cold floor of an underground facility, weakening his immune system. Complicating things further were the tantrums over his food. Too often Kilgrave had pulled the "I'm not eating that" card and been punished with being made to eat scraps again, so he hadn't been eating well. Jack hadn't reached the point where he would force Kilgrave to dine on tinned cat food yet, but it had come close a couple of times. Kilgrave was a persnickety, stubborn little shit where food was concerned. They had been making progress lately, though, with a compromise of Chinese and curries. Jack still meant to break him, though, so he continued to serve fast food as well, and sometimes Kilgrave took it upon himself to refuse. He should have been making him take vitamins, though. Jack was meant to be caring for Kilgrave as well as breaking and changing him, and while the breaking and changing had been making progress, Jack had failed in the caring part.

Jack had moved a chair to the autopsy room so he could sit with his patient. Martha had said there was a possibility of seizure with a fever that high and he needed to be watched. The bed rails were up, but Jack didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone. Kilgrave might be a bastard, but he was a human being, and one who had been entrusted to Jack to care for and to redeem.

He heard footsteps. Gwen came down the steps with coffee for them both. She slid one of the smaller plastic chairs next to Jack and as one their elbows bent as they sipped their steaming cups.

"You look so sad," Gwen said. "Penny for your thoughts."

"I was just thinking how the cup feels almost like his forehead, he's burning so. I'm to blame for this. My fault. All my fault."

"Jack—"

"No, it is. This isn't just about punishment, you know that. Especially after all we've learned." He opened his laptop and played the file again. That file.

"Jack, you have to stop. No matter how many times you play that thing and hate it more and more, it won't undo what was done to him."

"Don't I wish. People call him a monster. Well, it took monsters to make him one. Look at his little face, Gwen. Just a boy. They fucked with his hormones. Don't you think that compounded the guilt and self-loathing he feels?"

"Was it permanent, do you think?"

"Probably. If I can ever get him to really crack and talk about it, I'll know,"

"He really is fucked up, isn't he? I mean, I know he's responsible for his behavior. I know he has to pay for it. But in some ways he's been paying his whole life. But he has to be punished because he made others pay for what was done to him. Jesus, this is complicated." She ran her fingers through her hair as she spoke.

"You know, I asked the Doctor why we couldn't just retcon him," Jack said. "Knowing what I know in a way it would be a kindness. The Doctor won't hear of it, though. He says we don't have that right. He says Kilgrave needs to remember what he's done, not just as part of his punishment, but in case he runs into a former victim. And he says it's just cheating." Jack chuckled at the last statement.

Gwen sipped her coffee. "Fair points all," She said, nodding. She sighed. "Just looking at him you'd never know what he's capable of."

"Yeah..." Jack said, laying a hand on the fevered brow. "Damn him, put him in a pinstripe suit..."

"Uncanny, I know."

"The universe punishing me for past misdeeds? Two men who could be twins, one I want, the other I don't, neither one I'll ever have."

"Yeah," Gwen nodded. "That is really quite weird. But I don't think it's punishment. If you believe in that sort of thing at best maybe a test of your character."

"Good thing I don't believe in that sort of thing, then." Jack grinned. "Gwen, the universe is remarkably random. It's just a freak thing. Trust me on this."

"Well, if you had to be saddled with a monster at least he's a pretty one."

"Just the way we like 'em, right?" Jack gave her a wry grin. "If he wasn't such a shit, but he is. It doesn't matter how pretty he is, he's a fucker. I can't want a fucker. Once it wouldn't have bothered me, but I'm not that man anymore."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"What about if he changes?"

He never got the chance to answer her though, or even consider the question, His phone beeped. It was Ianto. The Doctor had arrived.

Jack had worried the Doctor would be furious with him. He was more understanding (if grumpy) than Jack expected. "He caught a virus from the weevils all right," the Doctor confirmed. "They don't suffer from it but they do carry it. You've all probably had a slight case of it. Flu-like symptoms. All of you got over it because you've been repeatedly exposed to both the viruses and the vortex manipulator. Kilgrave hasn't, and that's why he's so sick. By rights he should be dead." The Doctor waved his sonic over Kilgrave and checked the readings. "Yes, it's a little known virus. Very fatal to humans. Good thing he has a ramped-up regenerative healing system or he would be dead by now."

"He has healing powers?" Jack questioned.

"Absolutely," replied the Doctor. "One of the few things his parents did that's positive."

"Speaking of which, Doctor, you've been in his mind," here Jack couldn't stop himself from glaring at the Doctor. "You knew what his parents did. You know everything his parents did."

"Not if he's suppressed the memories deeply enough," said the Doctor. "What have you discovered?"

"They bury this shit," Jack said." Without Torchwood software written by Tosh we would never have found it," Jack's voice was hard and bitter.

"And he doesn't remember any of if it?"

"Apparently not," Jack replied, bitterness in his reply.

He clicked the file.

The Doctor watched, both transfixed and repulsed.

The video popped up. A seven-year-old Kevin Thompson with his father.

##########

"What is this one for, Dad?"

"This will make you feel good, son."

"Make me feel good about what?"

"You'll see, son."

##########

"Dad, you know I love you," little Kevin Thompson said.

"This is how you say I love you with your mouth without using words, dear boy," said Albert Thompson. "Don't worry. The shots I gave you will make it so it feels very good. You'll enjoy these special times with Dad."

##########

"This is how Dad shows his love to your mother, Kevin. I can tell you like it. It feels good having me inside you, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does. Especially the part at the end, before it starts up again. Does she know we do this, Dad?"

"Oh, yes, she likes watching the recordings. It makes her feel...good. We made it special for you, Kevin. Most people can't go again and again and again like you can."

"Is that why I always want more?"

"Yes, dear boy, and you always will. Most people get too tired, but you never will. For you there will never be enough. You can have all you want as many times as you want with as many people as you want."

##########

"Give Mum some love with your mouth while Dad is inside you, Kevin."

"Yes, Mum,"

"We do love you, Kevin, we love you so, so much."

"He knows," Albert said. "That's why he comes so hard and so many times."

"Well, that and the shots. Look at him. Our little boy is quite the slut, isn't he?"

"He loves it. I'm proud he loves it. That's right, son, come for Dad. Yes, yes!"

##########

"Kevin, this is the head of a company called IGN. You can call him Mister Jim. He has lots and lots of money," Albert said. He stuffed a large amount of cash into a paper bag and handed it to his wife. "These are his friends. Let's go to our special bedroom and we can all show them how many times they can make you feel good. Mr. Jim will buy you lots of toys after. He's going to be coming over lots and lots and he'll be bringing special friends with him so he can show them what a special boy you are.'

##########

"Well, Albert," Mr. Jim said, mopping his brow with a kerchief and pulling on his trousers. "When you said he could wear the five of us out I had my doubts. You're quite the scientist. Look at him, all night long and not a sign that he's even a bit tired. No bleeding, no bruising and still hungry for more. We'll be back next week."

"Oh, tonight was a sample," Albert said. "Special price, too."

"I'll be happy to pay double."

"I thought you might. If you bring any more friends we'll have to renegotiate. The more men he entertains the higher the price."

Mr. Jim turned his head to look at the last man grunting away on top of the boy. "I'd like to bring over someone especially well-endowed and film it."

"That's fine," Albert agreed. "Be prepared to pay, and if you have to ask how much you can't afford him."

"I'll pay whatever you ask. I want it that bad. As long as my stud wears himself out on the boy."

"It'll be a full length feature film, then. Good thing you're filthy rich."

##########

"You say you found this on a child porn site?" said the Doctor.

"Yeah," Jack answered. "An expensive one. The first one was the most expensive. 'Kevin's Cherry' it was called."

"You shut it down, I hope."

"Shut down and the owners jailed."

"And the IGN man?"

"Died years ago. His sick buddies, too."

"Good. Vermin." the Doctor held Jack's eyes with his own. "You have to make him remember this somehow. Or I could help him to remember. It will devastate him."

"But it might be the one thing that breaks him so I can help him," Jack said. "Can you help him remember?"

"I could, yes," The Doctor gave a grim nod. "But it would possibly damage him than if he remembered on his own. There must be something you can do or say that will trigger the memory. Be warned, it will be painful, and with this one there's no knowing what it will do to him. He could react in any way, from violence towards others to withdrawal or even suicide."

"Doctor, are you sure I'm up to the task of doing this?" Jack said, a worried look on his face. He placed a hand on Kilgrave's brow. "He's so sick, and it's my fault. I failed him as a caretaker. How do I know I won't fail in trying to save him?"

The Doctor squeezed Jack's shoulder. "How could he possibly be left worse off than he was? When we took him he was a paralytic, murderous and with not one regret in raping his victims or causing suicides and murders. He didn't even see his rapes as rape. Do you think that now he's coming round?"

Perhaps the conversation was bleeding through into Kilgrave's fevered mind. He stirred. His hand went to the little chrysalis bell charm on his collar. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he whimpered. "I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know I made you feel like that, I'm so sorry. If Sir does rape me I deserve it. I deserve to die. Let me die. That will give you peace, won't it? Nothing I do will ever be enough. Never enough. Never enough. Never enough." A tear slid from the corner of his eye and into the hair at his temple.

Jack's brows rose in surprise. "He never let on," he said to the Doctor.

"Then he's not broken enough. You have to break him, Jack," The Doctor's voice was heavy with sadness. Sadness for Jack, but also for their ill prisoner—ill in more ways than just an alien virus. "Think of a way. I know it won't be pleasant. I know it will be cruel, but the phrase 'cruel to be kind' comes to mind in this case. Besides, he has himself been so very cruel. It won't just help break him, it will serve justice."

"You aren't suggesting..?"

"God, no! Besides, you might be a sexual creature, Jack, but rape isn't about sex, I may not be human, but even I understand that about humans." the Doctor said, a look of shock on his face. "Besides, I don't think you have it in you."

"I don't, but I haven't let on to him that I don't," Jack answered. "I've been making him sleep with me. I let him wear pajamas but I sleep naked, always have. It scares the shit out of him every night. I know he thinks I might rape him. I think he should fear it. He needs to know what it's like to feel that kind of violation and fear night after night, and from his sleep-talk just now I'm sure it's working."

"Let him get well before you continue, but don't stop," the Doctor said. "I can tell it's taking a toll on you and for that I'm sorry. But trust me, Jack, if you can save him, in the end, you'll be glad." The Doctor pulled some bottles from his pocket and gave them to Jack. "These are broad-spectrum anti-biotic/antiviral medications. There are instructions with them, and enough here in case he comes down with something else. He will heal fairly quickly on his own due to his ramped-up healing properties, but these will speed things up. You may notice a purple tinge on his skin somewhere as he heals. Don't be alarmed. It's just an indicator he's healing. Don't let up on him out of guilt, Jack. But do show kindness while he's ill. Baby him just a little. It will soften him up so that when his nose is back to the grindstone he'll remember you're capable of kindness. Try to think of a way to trigger his hidden memories." The Doctor turned to go.

"I will," Jack said, giving the Doctor a salute.

The Doctor spun around. "Oh, and Jack?"

"Sir?"

"He's wrong, you know. At least half-wrong. He can't erase what he's done, but that shouldn't stop anyone who has done even grievous wrongs from trying to do right. I don't know if the scales can be balanced or not, but doing great good after doing great harm can never be a bad thing. In fact I think it shows a goodness of heart at the core of one's being. We shall see if he does have any goodness of heart in him."

And with that the Doctor left.

Jack sat back down in his chair next to Gwen. Kilgrave was still holding his little chrysalis charm on his collar. Gwen nodded at him.

"Almost as if he's beginning to embrace change," she observed.

"Maybe on an unconscious level," Jack said.

"I'm a horrible person," Gwen frowned.

"No," Jack said, surprised at the statement that come from nowhere.

"You might not say that when you hear my suggestion for making him remember those hidden memories. But like the Doctor said, not until he's well. Promise me."

"Deal."

Jack placed a hand on Kilgrave's forehead. "Let's take his temp, I think his fever is dropping. I want to wake him up enough to get a couple of these pills in him, too."

##########

Kilgrave stretched and yawned. The smell of something good wafted down into the room that served as a clinic where he had been convalescing. An alien virus. Well, that was Torchwood for you, he thought. He couldn't tell what it was that Sir was making, but it certainly smelled good. He grinned to himself. Well, if he had to get deathly ill at least he hadn't had to have any fast food lately. Or scraps. And no sitting or lying on the floor, either. Still weak as a kitten, though. Sir had to carry him to the toilet and usually he got tired of trying to feed himself about halfway through a meal at which point he would be spoon-fed.

Jack came down the stairs with a tray and the sumptuous smell grew stronger. He sat on the bed beside Kilgrave and used the buttons on the bed controls to sit him up, then placed the tray on his lap.

"Baby artichokes and lobster in shrimp sauce," Jack announced. "Chocolate cake and strawberries for dessert. And if you're a good boy and eat everything, maybe a glass of wine after."

"I'll do my best, Sir," Kilgrave said, smiling and touching his charm on his collar. He found himself doing this more and more often and wondered why.

"I still think it's funny your eyelids turned purple when you started healing," Jack commented as Kilgrave stabbed an artichoke with his fork and popped it in his mouth,

The artichoke was so young and tender it practically dissolved in his mouth. The buttery sauce set it off perfectly. He swallowed. "Does it please Sir?" he asked.

"It's kinda cute. Looks a little like light purple eye shadow. I might have you start wearing guy-liner though. With those big brown eyes of yours, you should show them off. You're a pretty man, Killy. Why not be the peacock you are? You already strut it in purple, so why not try the guy-liner?"

"If it will please Sir," Kilgrave said. But with a cocked eyebrow he added "Killy?"

"Okay, you don't like that, then it's Muffin,"

"Oh, Sir, must you...I mean I..."

"Kilgrave is such a grim name," Jack teased. "You need a pet name. My pet needs a pet name."

"But, Sir..." Kilgrave blushed deeply at the indignity.

"Relax, I'm just teasing you. I do like Killy, though. Kinda cute. Eat your lobster."

He managed most of his meal on his own before Jack had to spoon-feed him the rest. He even polished off his cake. As promised he was allowed a glass of wine, which he had to sip through a straw. Such a pity, too. This was very expensive wine.

After that came the ritual of Jack climbing in the bed next to him and reading to him. Always the same story until Kilgrave knew it by heart now: The Velveteen Rabbit.

Halfway through, he touched Jack's arm for permission to speak.

"Go ahead," Jack said, looking at him.

"Sir, why do you always read me the same story?"

"Well, it's one I hope you take to heart," Jack said, flicking the end of his nose. "You see, it's about transformation."

Kilgrave felt his hand wander to the little charm on his collar again. He fingered the chrysalis one, then the dog tag one reading 'property of Captain Jack Harkness'. A little smile played across his lips.

Then a small miracle occurred. He nestled his head in the hollow of Jack's shoulder so as to not only see the book better, but to be closer to Jack. "Yes, Sir," he said softly.

##########

Jack stood at the top of the stairs surveying his patient. He was handcuffed to the safety railing of the hospital cot just for safekeeping. He no longer protested such measures. He was sleeping the sleep of the exhausted. Along with the purple shading on his lids were dark circles under his eyes. He was much improved, but not well yet. He seemed to be settling into his routine now save for that last go round with the packet when Ianto had disciplined him. He was so unreadable, though, the inscrutable little shit. Jack sighed.

He headed to the conference room. He had an Operation Purple Man meeting scheduled with Gwen and Ianto and he could smell Ianto's coffee. Kilgrave was learning, but he still wasn't quite the coffee god Ianto was and Jack had missed those lovely beverages.

"Is he resting?" Ianto slid Jack's coffee over to him as he took a seat.

"Sleeping like a baby," Jack answered. "He's going to have to get back to work on himself sooner or later, but he's not ready yet."

"Jack, I won't lie, it's hard for me to keep this up knowing what I know," Gwen said.

"We talked about this, both of you," Jack said, face stern. His team could be tough when needed, but since they had learned of the sexual abuse of their charge it had made the challenge of staying tough and hard on Kilgrave wearing on them. "This is for his own good. He needs to be punished. He needs to suffer the same as he made his victims suffer. He has to develop empathy somehow and it's up to us to show him. And as for the punishment, he needs to feel that justice is being served."

"We still need to get him to talk," Ianto said, looking at Jack. "I think that should fall to you."

"And we need to get those hidden memories out," Gwen added.

"Not until he's better," Jack said, raising his hand, palm out in a gesture that bespoke patience.

"How soon do you think it'll be?" asked Gwen.

Jack grinned. "Why, does Rhys miss your housekeeper?"

Gwen chuckled. When cleaning everyone's apartments had been added to Kilgrave's duties, Rhys had thrown a fit at the idea of having Kilgrave in his home. It was still early on, before they had learned more about Kilgrave's childhood and were rather enjoying his misery much more, so Gwen had made a point of sitting on the sofa with Rhys and watching while Kilgrave played housekeeper in nothing but his very tight-fitting extended-leg briefs. Custom made and purple, of course. Rhys began to enjoy the game, himself, and sometimes slipped one pound notes into his waistband like a stripper to further humiliate him. After a while as the novelty had worn off, though, the couple had gotten used to his housekeeping. Even if he hated what he was doing, the man couldn't stop himself being a perfectionist. Every speck of dust wiped clean, every stain from every garment removed and said garment folded to perfection and put away. He even ironed sheets.

"Oh, God, yes," Gwen said." He never used to whinge about housekeeping, now he does all the time. "'When is the Lilac Lad coming back?' I hear it a dozen times a week."

"Tell Rhys," Jack said. "Tell him everything. I know he's not heartless. He needs to know what we've got on our hands here."

"Owen would say we've gone soft." Ianto observed.

"And Tosh would have spoilt him rotten by now," Gwen added.

They all sighed.

##########

Jack set aside the empty dish. This time it had been curry, and Kilgrave knew it marked the beginning of the end of Sir coddling him. Jack still got in the bed with him had pulled out The Velveteen Rabbit to read to him.

"Sir?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to have my sewing kit, Sir, your coat has a loose button."

"Well, this is a surprise, what brought this on?"

"I've had a lot of time to think since I got sick, Sir."

"And?"

"That first night, when I thanked you for letting me get up, and you said I didn't really understand why I was grateful, Sir? You were right. I didn't understand at all."

"You've learned something, then?"

"Yes, Sir." Kilgrave looked at him with a great deal of earnestness. "I was too used to having everything I wanted, Sir. Imagine that. Imagine having everything exactly as you want it. Just telling someone to do something and they have to do it. After a while, what is there left? There's nothing. Everything is boring, and you just become more and more cold and cruel because it's all so boring. There's nothing to want except what you know you can't have. That can't be right."

"No, it isn't right. No one is meant to have that kind of power."

"It made me very sick, didn't it?"

"I'm afraid so."

"So when I didn't have to do that anymore, I didn't know it at the time but it was a relief. For the first time in a long, long time, I didn't have to be—" His hand went to the little charm again.

"What?" Jack asked, though he felt he knew the answer, it was important to make Kilgrave say it.

"A monster. I didn't have to be a monster. I could let someone tell me how I should behave. Someone who knows what real people behave like."

"You've learned two things, then," Jack said.

Kilgrave looked at him like a curious kitten.

"You learned that, but you've also learned to talk to me. And that's really important, Kilgrave. Really very important."

He nodded. "I can have my sewing kit though, Sir?"

Jack smiled at him and he beamed at the smile of approval. "Yeah. It's nice to see you taking an interest in your duties again. My Killy is growing up."

Kilgrave just rolled his eyes.

"Would Sir read me my story, please?" was all he said, settling his head on Jack's shoulder.

##########

Now back at his duties full time, Kilgrave was much healthier. To Jack's amusement he had requested and now wore daily light brown guyliner. And Jack was right. It did set off his eyes, showing off how big they were and the lovely amber color. The team was having another Project Purple Man meeting while the subject of their conversation was otherwise employed tidying the Hub, tending the weevils, cleaning the kitchen and enjoying a little recreational time feeding Myfanwy. He really enjoyed feeding the pterodactyl, it seemed. He felt oddly bonded to the creature, and she to him. Ianto had once asked him about it. A long silence ensued. Kilgrave glanced at Jack as if for approval to answer. Jack nodded a friendly encouragement. "Go ahead," he had said. "Ianto won't bite, unless you like that sort of thing."

Kilgrave had grinned shyly at that and stared at his purple converse. "She doesn't mind,"

"Doesn't mind what?" asked Ianto.

"That I'm a monster."

"If you work here long enough," Ianto said, laying a hand on Kilgrave's shoulder, "You wind up with a bit of monster in you. None of us are perfect, Kilgrave. Maybe some day we can talk about that. Some day when you're better."

He gave Ianto a sad smile. "Better get busy," he said. "I still haven't done the weevils, and then I have to do Sir's laundry."

Kilgrave had gone back to his housekeeping duties as well. Rhys had stopped being so hard on him and Kilgrave was puzzling that through, it was easy to tell. The man was anything but stupid, after all.

"Jack, I know you don't want to do it, but it's time," Gwen said. "You have to trigger his hidden memories."

Jack heaved a sigh. "This is going to hurt," he said. "And not just him. It's going to hurt all of us. I fucking don't want to do it."

"He's just coasting right now, Jack," Ianto said. "He seems okay on the outside, but is he really talking to you?"

"No," Jack admitted.

"Then he's not healing."

"You think I don't know that?" Jack snapped. "Sorry, sorry."

"I'm not looking forward to it either," Gwen said, "Especially seeing it was my idea."

"And it's a rough one," Jack agreed. "But I think it will work."

"When will you do it?"

He sighed. "Today, just in case it all goes to shit, which it probably will. No way I'm doing this when we're alone."

"Just after lunch?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah." Jack said and sighed again. "Courage, gang. It's going to get ugly."

##########

Jack had the sneaking suspicion that Gwen had asked Rhys over for lunch to giver her moral support. Whatever. He was here now and there was no stopping it. Jack had steeled himself to do this, and he knew if he put it off now it would be easier to put it off again and gain. Besides, if Gwen thought Rhys was up to witnessing this kind of ugliness then it was on her head.

For lunch Jack had chosen something simple, but good: roasted partridge followed by lovely almond custard. When he called Kilgrave his charge had looked for a place to sit. Jack had supplied sumptuous satin cushions instead of the cold, hard floor. When he didn't see his customary cushions at Jack's feet, he looked worried, as though he had committed some infraction.

"Not on the floor anymore," Jack said. "From now on you sit in Sir's lap."

Kilgrave's brow furrowed in confusion, but he obeyed. He may not have been comfortable with the decision, but given what was in store that was probably a good sign. He took his place in Jack's lap, unquestioning, but with a deep blush and a worried look. Though the dish was one Jack knew he loved, he only picked at it. The others at the table pretty much did the same. Kilgrave, never one to miss a trick, didn't fail to notice,

"I've made a decision." Jack looped an arm around him in anticipation of the reaction. "You don't talk to us enough. You don't tell us your troubles. You need to be on more intimate terms with us. So to encourage you to talk to me, from now on you won't call me 'Sir'."

"What should I call you, then," Kilgrave asked. He squirmed in Jack's lap as if wishing to escape.

"Daddy. You call me Daddy," Jack instructed,

Kilgrave made a choking sound.

Gwen gave a tiny, guilty sob, and Rhys put an arm around her. Ianto hung his head.

"Sir, please don't do this to me," Kilgrave said. "It frightens me, Sir, I don't know why, but it does, please don't make me do this."

"You will call me Daddy. You know Daddy loves you, Kevin."

"Sir—"

"I said you're to call me Daddy," Jack said sternly. "This is how I show you I care about you. Call me Daddy."

"Nuh—no!" Kilgrave cried. He pressed he heels of his palms into his eyes hard and slipped from Jack's lap onto the floor. "No, you aren't him, you're my Sir, you wouldn't! You won't! Did he? My Dad? My Mum?"

"Kevin…"

"NO!" Kilgrave cried. "Sir, please don't—I'm not Kevin, Kevin died, I'm Kilgrave, I'm Kilgrave! You aren't my dad, you haven't...you didn't...please don't, please don't do to me what he did, sir!" He scrabbled to his feet; eyes casting about like a wild animal looking for an escape route. He backed up against a wall and sank to the floor and curled into a tight ball like an egg. He began to sob. "That didn't happen, if I don't remember it, it never happened."

"Oh God," Jack said, "What the fuck have we done?" He went to Kilgrave, reached out to touch him.

"No!" Kilgrave cried, "You can't. I'm filth, I'm just a whore, that's all, Mum and Dad's little whore. Sir mustn't touch me. I'm not good enough, never enough, never enough, never enough."

"Oh, God, this was a mistake" Jack said, "I've fucked up again."

Kilgrave tightened into an even smaller ball of misery, if that was possible. Gwen was sobbing loudly. Rhys was holding her and Ianto had his arm around them both. Jack glanced at them over his shoulder. "Somebody make him a drink, a strong one," he barked. He gritted his teeth. Steeling himself, he forced himself to gather Kilgrave to him and lifted him in his arms, carrying him to a nearby sofa.

Ianto had produced the desired drink. Jack had sat Kilgrave in his lap. He struggled, but Jack wouldn't let him go. It was like taming a frightened, feral kitten. Jack forced the scotch down Kilgrave, and then another, and another. After awhile Kilgrave began to calm, albeit with many a hiccup and the occasional sob and sniffle. Jack rubbed his back.

"What did they do to you, Kilgrave?" Jack murmured, forcing another gulp of whiskey into him, then setting the glass aside for Ianto to refill. He pulled Kilgrave close.

"They...I..." Hiccup. Sniff. "I made love to them."

"No," Jack whispered, rubbing his back.

"I had sex with them."

"No," Jack asserted again. Another drink. More back-rubs.

"Please don't make me call you Daddy, Sir?"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to call me that. And you don't have to call me Sir anymore if you just do something for me."

"Not that? Please, what do I have to do?"

"Talk to me. You have to talk to me. And Kilgrave, I could never do that with anyone without their full knowledge of what they were getting into. Never. I'm not that kind of man."

He burst into tears. "But I did! I did that to others, I just used my powers to do it, I'm just as bad as they were!"

"And what did you do?"

"I—I raped them, Sir."

"Which means your mum and dad and their friends did what to you?"

"They—but, Sir, I liked it! Don't you see?"

"You were a child, Kilgrave. You had no way to give consent. And they did things to you, too, didn't they? They did things to you medically to make sure you wanted it."

"And I went on to use my powers to do the same thing to others," This time when Jack offered the whiskey Kilgrave took the glass and gulped down the whole drink. "I wish there had been an accident in that lab. One that would have killed us all. Oh, God, Sir, this means you've all seen...I didn't remember them but now I do. There were films. Movies. They're still out there!"

"Not anymore," Jack said. "We tracked the last ones down in Taiwan yesterday. The only ones left are here."

"What must you all think of me?" Kilgrave looked at each of them, the haunting question in his eyes. "I'm worthless. I'm a rapist and a monster and a whore. I'm nothing. You should have let that virus kill me. Sir, can you? Please? No one will care. Just take your gun and—and..."

"No way," Jack said. "Not now when we've come this far. Nothing is where we begin from, Kilgrave. Nothing is a clean slate. Nothing is where we start."

"Sir, I don't understand."

"You will," Jack said. And I told you not to call me Sir anymore."

"But what will I call you? Not Daddy, please?"

"No," Jack said. "Jack. You call me Jack."

Ianto poured him another drink and handed it to him. "Ianto. Call me Ianto."

Gwen sat beside them and took one of Kilgrave's hands in one of hers as she held Rhys's hand with the other. "Gwen and Rhys," she added.

"Jack," Kilgrave said, trying it on. "I'm used to Sir."

"Get used to Jack. This doesn't mean you aren't still mine, though."

He nodded, toying with his charm. A little smile played across his lips. He tipped up a tear-stained face to give Jack a pleading look. "Sir, I mean Jack, I'm very tired now. And I'm a little drunk. May we go to bed now? I'd really just like to be alone with you if everyone doesn't mind. Everyone is looking at me and I only want you looking at me."

"The team still has work to do," Jack said, "But yeah, we can nip down and have a nap. You do look worse for the wear." And more to the point, Jack thought, like you want to have a private chat.

"Yeah, sure, you two go ahead, he does look worn out," Gwen gave his hand a squeeze.

"We can handle business up here," Ianto assured. "Actually both of you look like you could use a rest."

Kilgrave studied Jack's face closely. "Oh, God, I never noticed, I've been so selfish, Sir."

"Jack, I said call me Jack."

"Sorry, sorry, Jack, Sir," Kilgrave touched Jack's face. "You do look so tired. "I've been so much trouble. I'm so sorry."

"None of that," Jack scolded. "I took this on myself for good reasons. Some day I'll tell you all about it. Come on, tipsy, let's hit the hay."

"Will you read me my book, Sir? I mean, Jack?"

"Sure."

Jack got him to his feet, but he was wobbly, partly from the drink but partly from emotional shock. Finally Jack just hefted him over a shoulder and carried him. He looked at the team over Jack's shoulder with a slightly goofy grin and waved. "Nuh night!" he called.

Once in Jack's quarters, as usual, Jack undressed him and put on his pajamas. He then undressed Jack as usual. Jack got into bed and held up the covers. Kilgrave scooted under them. As Jack reached for The Velveteen Rabbit something peculiar happened. Jack heard a click.

Kilgrave hadn't made Jack put the handcuffs on him this time. This time he had done it himself, and with a sigh of contentment, he snuggled back against Jack. "I'm ready for my story now," he said.


	4. Chapter 4 - Cocoon

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

* * *

chapter 4

* * *

Cocoon

* * *

Kilgrave brought the tray of coffee and tea from the kitchen and made his morning rounds. Although he greeted each team member by their first name now, the tone was still respectful; that much of his training had become deeply ingrained. 'Ianto' sounded a lot like 'Mr. Jones', 'Gwen', sounded like 'Mrs. Cooper', and above all 'Jack' sounded like 'Sir'.

He placed Jack's coffee on his desk quietly so as not to disturb him since he was in the middle of a rather heated conversation with someone on the phone, probably someone from UNIT. Kilgrave retrieved the brush he used to clean Jack's coat and gave the garment a good going-over, taking pride in his work. He tutted at the loose threads on one of the button-holes and got his sewing kit from the cupboard. Settling on his cushion at Jack's feet tailor style, he used a seam-ripper to carefully pick out the old thread, then re-sewed the whole thing, making a nice, new and perfectly tight button-hole. He put Jack's coat back on a hanger after touching it up with the brush again.

When Jack got off the phone he looked ready to bite someone's head off. All too familiar with how things worked around Torchwood now, Kilgrave knew that if Jack went out on a call one of two things would happen. If Jack was in a good mood, Kilgrave would be cuffed to their bed. If he was in a bad mood, he would be locked in a cell near the weevils, and Kilgrave really hated the latter. Best to head off that last possibility.

"You look all wound up," he said. "Why don't I just give you a massage?"

"Sounds good," Jack said. "Yeah, sounds nice."

Kilgrave stood behind Jack and loosened his collar. He opened a drawer and took out a bottle of massage oil he had requested especially for these times and oiled his hands, then got to work. Sure enough, Jack's muscles were in knots.

"It's a hard job, isn't it?" Kilgrave asked, just making conversation.

"Worth it, though. You've seen what we do."

"And no one knows," Kilgrave said. "Captain Jack Harkness, savior of the earth and unsung hero."

"Handsome bastard, too," Jack said, grinning.

"And so modest." Kilgrave grinned. "Still, yes, you are handsome, it has to be said. If I had to be captured and kept, at least there's that. My keeper isn't hard to look at."

"You aren't so bad yourself, pretty pet. I knew the guy-liner would work for you."

"Well, I like to look appealing, and since I don't have my nice suits anymore, the liner helps make up for it a bit."

"Hey, the tight jeans and tees are cute on you. Anyway, I'll get you some nicer things when I see you make more progress. Just like the longer chain on the cuff in our room. You like the longer chain, I take it?"

"Oh, yeah, it's much better." Kilgrave gave a final sweep along Jack's neck with his thumbs. "Better now?"

"Much," Jack sighed. "Come here and sit on my desk a bit." He patted his desk. Kilgrave did as he was told. Jack rested a hand on one of his thighs. "I wanted to know something. What made you decide to start fastening the handcuff yourself?"

Kilgrave shrugged and looked at the floor. "I guess I just feel safe when I'm wearing it at night."

"Safe? Safe from what?" Jack took one of his hands and squeezed it in a reassuring manner.

"I'm not sure," Kilgrave admitted. "It's like when you're little and you hide under the blanket so the bogeyman can't get you. And you know there really isn't a bogeyman, but you know if you're under the blanket he can't get you."

"Makes perfect sense, then," Jack said. He patted Kilgrave's hand. "You're doing better, Killy."

"Jack, please, I asked you so nicely," Kilgrave pleaded. "I'm desperate. Please stop calling me Killy?"

"I don't do it much," Jack said, grinning. "And I haven't done it in front of anyone. Yet. I like it. It's cute."

Kilgrave sighed. "Yes, sir."

"What did I say about calling me Sir?"

"I wasn't calling you Sir, Jack, I was just saying yes, sir. It's not the same as calling you Sir."

"Tone of voice," Jack said. "Now go get me another cup of coffee."

"Yes, sir," Kilgrave said, arching an eyebrow in a saucy manner. When he got up and bent to pick up Jack's coffee cup Jack gave him a hard smack on the ass.

"Attitude," Jack scowled, but with the slightest grin.

"Sorry, Jack," Kilgrave rubbed his bottom and scurried out to get Jack his coffee, grumbling something about grouchy coffee addicts. When he came back he settled himself on his cushion again at Jack's feet. "Ianto said he's sending you some new files," he said. "I think they might be something big." He looked worried. "He said it can wait until after lunch, which basically means for you to look at them while I'm busy, so they're probably new files about me." He leaned against Jack's leg. "That frightens me, Jack. How many hidden memories could I have?"

Jack laid a reassuring hand on the side of his head. "Not everything is about you, you know, Mister Ego," he said. "And believe it or not, a lot of Torchwood business isn't for your eyes and ears. Lots of highly classified stuff. And there are some things I think would just be bad for you right now. We're trying to get you better. So take your break time," he handed Kilgrave a self-help book on surviving child sexual abuse. "Chapter six. We'll have a discussion about it at bedtime, okay?"

He looked into Jack's eyes, and Jack couldn't help noticing how much more trust there was there than when they had begun. It had been hard-won, but Kilgrave's illness had given Jack a short-cut. That little spell of coddling had given Kilgrave a reason to depend on Jack, to feel affection for him and to discover that the man was capable of actually caring about what happened to him.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"What made you decide to save me?"

"At first it was just because the Doctor asked me to," Jack said. "You were a danger to everyone on your own, in the hands of IGN even more so. We're still looking into the plans they had for you."

"Will you tell me?"

"Let's get you better first, okay? You're still unsteady after remembering all the shit your parents did to you. You think you're being smooth about it, but you aren't. We all see how scared you are, Kilgrave. And that's okay. Anyone would be."

"Do you think I'll ever be loved? I mean, loved just for me, myself? I think I could love people very much, but I'm learning I never knew what healthy love was, just what they call toxic love in the books. I don't want that."

"One day at a time. We'll talk more at bedtime, okay? Chapter six. Jack has work to do now."

Kilgrave opened his book and began reading. Jack knew he soaked it up like a sponge and he was grateful Kilgrave was absorbed in the book.

He rubbed his neck and sighed. It was so difficult to be hard on him when he was such a child at times. Talk about arrested development.

##########

"Wakey, wakey!" Jack reached down and poked Kilgrave's ribs with a finger. Kilgrave had finished his chapter and had decided on a cat-nap before his after-lunch chores. He opened his eyes. "I need you to make a drink for my guest."

Kilgrave stood, blinking the sleep from his eyes. A man sat in the chair opposite from Jack. Like Jack, he had dark hair and blue yes and like Jack he had a similar build and a handsome face. Kilgrave shook his head as though to clear it. His stomach did a little flip. Must be something he ate.

The man appraised Kilgrave with a smirk. "Some arrangement you've got there, Harkness. I heard you had a taste for the pretty ones."

"Don't make assumptions about things you know nothing about," Jack snapped. "It's not what you think, and I'll thank you to stop undressing my help with your eyes. He's under my care."

"What drinks shall I make" Kilgrave asked, ready to do what was required and find some excuse to get out of the room.

"Two Scotch rocks," Jack said. Kilgrave noticed Jack hadn't said 'the good stuff' as he usually did if he liked a guest. Well, that said something, didn't it?

He went to the kitchen and prepared two tumblers of Jack's third best Scotch, placed them on trays with napkins and took them to Jack's office. The whole time he could hear raised voices.

"Like I said on the phone this morning," Jack asserted, "this is my project, not a UNIT project, and I will handle it. I want all the files and I want them all ASAP, not leaked out as your UNIT bureaucrats see fit."

"By whose authority?"

"You know who, Mason."

"Not him?" Mason barked, a hint of mockery in his voice.

"Yes, him, Mister Blue Sky himself. Look into it. You really wanna go up against him?"

Kilgrave took the drinks into Jack's office and quietly served them. "Permission to return to duties?"

Jack looked at him and nodded. It was clear Jack could see he was uncomfortable and wanted to be out of the office. "By all means," Jack said.

Kilgrave made himself scarce. He started in the kitchen. The voices raised and lowered, obviously tempers rising then calming only to rise again. He finished in the kitchen then went to the cupboard to fetch his cleaning supplies for the toilet. He heard Jack say with finality, "Look, I'm on very good terms with Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, so why don't we just have a little conference call?"

Kilgrave made himself a quick cup of tea before starting on the toilet. Things had quieted down now and he was glad. He had to stop in the middle of his tea to make a second round of drinks and when he took them up things seemed to be fine. Jack and Mason had apparently settled their differences. He went back to the kitchen and gulped down the rest of his tea, then grabbed his cleaning supplies and went into the toilet to start his cleaning.

He did the toilet first so that he could wash his hands after, then do the sink and mirror. Just as he had the mirror sparkling the door opened and Mason strode in. He went to the toilet and had a piss.

He glanced at Kilgrave. "You're looking," Mason smirked. He zipped up and swaggered towards Kilgrave.

"I wasn't looking, I just cleaned that and you didn't lift the seat. Now I have to clean it again. Gwen has to sit on that, you know."

"I think you were looking. I know Harkness," Mason said. "And that little seating arrangement in his office? Very convenient for the occasional under-the-desk blow-job, isn't it? With a nice, comfy cushion for your knees and all."

"No, it isn't like that."

"I think it is," Mason said, pushing Kilgrave against the sink. "I think it's very like that. You're a sub. You like being pushed around. That's nice. I like pushing people around. Especially pretty ones." His arm snaked around Kilgrave's waist as his hand slipped over Kilgrave's crotch. "Why don't we have a little quickie, eh? See how well trained up Harkness has you? You do have a very fucksome little ass."

Kilgrave wanted to push him away. Instead he froze, like a rabbit in caught in high beam headlights. His arms curled around himself, he turned his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He opened his mouth to cry out for help, but nothing came out.

##########

Jack came out of his office with Mason's UNIT cap in his hand. "Asshole forgot his hat," he said to Ianto. "I don't suppose he's still in the car park?"

"He's in the toilet," Ianto answered. "Now I think on it, he's been in there for a bit."

Jack looked around the Hub. "Where's Kilgrave?"

##########

Something snapped in Kilgrave when Mason flipped him around after undoing his jeans and yanking them down around his thighs. Mason's arm was still around him, but now it pinned his arms to his sides. He lifted Kilgrave and pushed him up on the bathroom counter-top. And that's when Kilgrave came undone on him and began struggling.

"You want it rough, then," Mason sneered. "I can do rough." He slid a hand under the waistband of Kilgrave's boxers and stroked the skin of his buttock before pulling his underpants down.

Kilgrave finally found his voice, and found it with a vengeance "JACK!" His cry was filled with distress. "Jack, Ianto, somebody, anybody, help me! JACK!"

The bathroom door collapsed inward as Jack's booted foot destroyed the doorknob and lock as well as one of the hinges.

"Get off of him," Jack growled.

Mason, seeing the look on Jack's face, backed away. "Okay, Okay, no harm done."

Jack shoved him against the wall and held him there by his jacket. "I've put months of work into helping this man, if you've fucked it up...I'm calling UNIT. You're being charged with sexual assault."

"I've seen the files, I can't be charged with assaulting someone who doesn't exist." Mason replied. He brushed Jack's hands away and strode out of the bathroom. Jack went after him. Ianto went to Kilgrave to help him pull himself together. They could hear the ruckus out in the Hub and rushed out after Jack and Mason. Gwen was running in from the firing range downstairs.

Jack and Mason were in the kitchen area and fists were flying. Jack got in a good right hook to Mason's temple. He went down, spilling a tray of forks, spoons and knives to the floor with him. Jack pounced on him. Mason grabbed a knife and stabbed Jack in the chest.

Some people, when enraged, see red. Not Kilgrave. Kilgrave saw purple. And he was seeing purple now. Jack lay on the floor, a knife in his heart—the man who had been working to save him, even though it had meant stripping him of almost everything he was. It was true Jack had taken so much from him, but he had given much as well and had much more to give, or would have, and now he was dying at the hands of the man that had tried to rape Kilgrave.

He pounced like a panther onto Mason, landing hard on the man's chest and with the strength of pure fury wrested the knife from his hand. Why he didn't use it he could not have said. Perhaps it was something more primal that drove him. Instead he wrapped his long fingers around Mason's throat and squeezed. And squeezed. And squeezed.

He could hear others calling his name, but the sound was distorted. Hands pulled at him, but his legs clamped down around Mason like a vice.

##########

Jack gasped back to life to the horrific sight of his charge attempting the unthinkable—throttling the life out of Mason. Committing murder. No matter what Mason had done, he couldn't let this happen. Ianto and Gwen were getting nowhere with him. Obviously something was happening with Kilgrave; the veins in his temple and neck had gone dark purple and he was apparently stronger than usual.

Jack struggled to his feet. He was still a little wobbly, but he could do this. He had to. Damned if he was going to see this happen. Not on his watch. He staggered over to Kilgrave. His face was a twisted caricature of the man Jack had come to know. This was the monster he had been taming. All of Jack's work crumbling before his eyes. He tried to pry Kilgrave's hands loose, but couldn't. Those long, graceful fingers that could soothe his muscles, prepare his meals and mend his coat were now squeezing the life out another human being.

Jack decided to try another tactic. He placed his hands on Kilgrave's face and called his name, this time softly, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs.

"Kilgrave, you can stop now," he said. "You don't want to do this. Come on now. Don't do it, please, please, it's Jack, Kilgrave, look at me. Just look at me, okay?"

Was he easing up? Maybe a little?

"Come on, easy now, let's not ruin all our work, okay, let him go, yeah?" Jack looked at Mason. Much more of this and it would be too late. Desperate, he leaned in and kissed Kilgrave's cheek. "Come on, Jack wants you to stop, now, don't make me compel you, okay?" Another kiss on the cheek. "Come on, now, listen to me, Kilgrave. Listen to Jack, okay?"

Kilgrave looked up. The purple color in his veins subsided slowly. His hands loosened from around Mason's throat. Mason choked and coughed, dragging in a breath.

Jack wrapped his arms around Kilgrave and pulled him up and onto his feet and away from Mason. Kilgrave's chest heaved as he gasped. He leaned heavily against Jack. He looked so confused.

"You—you're alive," he said, eyes wide. "You're alive and you aren't even bleeding."

"Yeah," Jack said. "That happens."

"I need to sit down."

Which he did, immediately, without even looking for a chair. He just sank to the floor and held his head. He made a choking sound, oddly mirroring the sounds Mason was making.

While Gwen steadied Mason's head until he could be fetched to a medical facility, Ianto had been making all the right phone calls. That done, he went to Jack and Kilgrave. He nodded at Kilgrave and said to Jack, "Let's get him away from here. How about your office. He's comfortable there."

"Yeah," Jack agreed. The pulled Kilgrave to his feet and guided him into Jack's office. As soon as they got there Kilgrave tried to pull away and get to his comfort zone, the big, comfy cushion by Jack's chair. But Jack and Ianto instead guided him to the sofa and sat him down. His hands were clamped over his mouth. His eyes darted about.

"Talk to him, Jack," Ianto encouraged. He sat on one side of Kilgrave and Jack sat on the other so they had Kilgrave between them like a book between bookends.

"It's okay," Jack said. "It's just this thing that happens. There was this sort of accident. And now I can't die. The Doctor says I'm a fixed point in time and space."

"You aren't like Jessica? Or her friends?" Kilgrave asked.

"Depends on your definition, I suppose, but I don't consider myself as one, no. The Doctor says I'm unique."

"I thought you were dying," he said. "I thought he killed my Sir."

"What did I say about calling me Sir?"

"For God's sake, Jack, I almost committed murder and you're scolding me for a slip?" Kilgrave snapped. "Sorry. sorry, tone of voice. Control yourself, Kilgrave," he said to himself.

"Yeah, about that," Jack said. "You reacted. Normally I'd tell anyone it's okay, but you know I can't do that with you, don't you?"

Kilgrave nodded. His eyes welled. "I let you down," he said.

"No, you let yourself down," Jack said. "Come here," he added, and opened his arms.

Ianto felt almost like a voyeur at what he witnessed next, but the memory stayed with him for the rest of his life.

"What does it say in The Velveteen Rabbit?" Jack asked, as Kilgrave settled his head on Jack's shoulder.

And then they began to speak together, the two of them as one, word for word:

 _"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'_

 _'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit._

 _'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'_

 _'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'_

 _'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'"_

"I still have sharp edges, don't I?" Kilgrave asked.

"Not as sharp as they were," Jack said.

"And I have to be carefully kept," Kilgrave said.

"I'm afraid so, at least for a while. Maybe for a very long while. So maybe it's a good thing I'm immortal, yeah?"

Kilgrave looked up at Jack and nodded. "Yeah. Yes, sir, it is."

"You don't break easily, though, so that's something," Jack gave him a cheeky smile.

"I'm never going to leave Torchwood," he said. "If you unlocked the doors and said I could go, I wouldn't." He reached over and took Ianto's wrist and pulled his arm over and around him like a security blanket. "I can't. If I did, it would only be a matter of time before I went to hell. I might not be able to compel anyone anymore, but I'd still get in trouble. I'd be robbing someone, hurting someone. More than likely selling my ass because I'm basically just a whore. I have to stay here. It's where I belong."

"Stop talking about yourself like that,"Jack said. "Remember, you're still mine. I won't have anyone talking about my property like that. What is your collar made of?"

"Velvet," he said, rolling his eyes like a child made to recite a thing far too often.

"And why is it velvet?"

"Because velvet is soft," Kilgrave said, again like a child. "And it's soft because you're going to make me soft so you can remake me."

"So you can be real, like the velveteen rabbit."

"So I can become?"

"Yeah," Jack said.

"I guess it's okay if my eyes fall out and my hair is rubbed off, then."

"Of course it is," Ianto said. "But until then, I think we could all use a drink."

He got up and fetched three tumblers filled to the brim with Scotch. He looked at Jack and Kilgrave on the sofa and thought that only Jack Harkness could take in a monster and weave around him a cocoon, and with all the time and patience in the universe wait until it metamorphosed into something else. Because to Jack Harkness, everyone else in the universe was as short-lived as a Luna moth.


	5. Chapter 5 - Puparium

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Puparium

* * *

If Kilgrave had been paradoxical before being hit with hidden memories he had become that ten times over now. He was also quite drunk.

"You can't stay locked up in Torchwood forever, Kilgrave," Jack said, voice firm and authoritative...if tempered with patience. "At some point you have to go somewhere besides Gwen's and Ianto's apartments."

He shook is head emphatically. "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nah guh doot."

"What the hell was that?" Ianto chuckled.

"I think it's a little known dialect called Drunk Kilgravese. Pretty sure it translates as 'not going to do it'," Jack said, laughing. "What a lightweight."

"Nah leavin' Torchwood," Kilgrave asserted for the tenth time. "Nope. Too people-y out there. Safe here." He looked into his near-empty tumbler slightly cross-eyed. He looked up at Ianto mournfully.

Ianto looked at Jack for approval. Jack sighed. "One more, and then I'm sending you to bed," Jack warned.

"Okey-dokey," Kilgrave agreed. "I'll go to bed. Nice an' safe in bed with my cuff on. No one would dare mess with me in Jack's room. All safe there."

"One thing, though," Jack said. He put his arm around Kilgrave in a manner which telegraphed a kind of friendly if inarguable statement. "Waiting for progress be damned. Ianto is taking your measurements for a new suit in a few days and I'm taking you out to dinner. I'm not allowing you let yourself stay this afraid of the world. You, mister, are going out."

"Nope," Kilgrave shook his head again. He took the tumbler Ianto brought him and took a healthy gulp. "Nope, nope, nope, nope-itty nope."

"If you weren't so drunk I'd never let you get away with saying no to me," Jack said, a half grin, half scowl on his face. "You deserve a belt across your ass for defying me."

"ʼS been a long long long long long time since that happened," Kilgrave looked at Jack like a kicked puppy.

"Yeah, so let's not break your winning streak, okay?"

Kilgrave tossed back the rest of his drink. "ʼS okay if you have to," he mumbled. He tucked his long legs underneath his bottom and curled into Jack, burrowing into his side with a mischievous grin. "Could try some spankies just for fun some time if you like."

Ianto tried very hard and utterly failed at not guffawing.

"Okay," Jack said with an embarrassed laugh. "That's enough out of you. Anything else like that and you will get spankies, and not in a fun way."

"ʼM hungry," was Kilgrave's only response.

"Now he tells us," Ianto said.

"Can I have your leftover chicken?" Kilgrave asked Jack.

"There's enough for both of us, I don't see why not," answered Jack.

"I'll warm it up," Ianto volunteered. "I'll be having my curry."

When Ianto left Kilgrave tugged at Jack's belt loop. "My Jack," he said, his voice just a tad tremulous. "ʼM glad you're okay. And you can't die. That means I can't ever cause you to get hurt, really. I really do need you, you know. I always needed someone like you. But there wasn't anyone, until there was, and it was you."

"What about Ianto and Gwen?"

"Oh, them, too. Even Rhys." Here he wrinkled his nose a little.

"Oh, come on, Rhys is a good guy."

"Yeah, but he looks at me funny sometimes."

Jack's brows rose in curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Kilgrave looked around the obviously empty office, then whispered, "When Gwen isn't looking, he checks my arse."

Jack chuckled. "I wouldn't worry about it," he said. "Rhys isn't anywhere near bi. It's just that you have a really cute butt and people notice cute butts even if they aren't sexually attracted. You're perfectly safe with Rhys."

Kilgrave ruminated on that a bit, then nodded. "I guess that's okay, then," he said. "You know about these things so if you say it's true, then it must be so. You know about normal people better than I do."

"You're too drunk for all this serious talk," Jack said. "You probably won't remember half of it."

"I'll remember a lot more than you think," he replied. "My brain isn't normal. That's how I knew something wasn't right."

"Wasn't right about what?" Jack asked. He regarded the deadly serious look on Kilgrave's face. Drunk or not, there was something there that needed to come out, and maybe being drunk just might grease the wheels.

"He looked a lot like you. So handsome and so attractive, but he didn't feel right. It was like he was you with something inside gone all wrong."

"Kilgrave..?"

"See, Mum and Dad made it so I'm hyper-responsive, and I should have wanted him when he touched me, but I didn't. And since he looked like you then I should have really wanted it very badly but instead I just felt sick. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. Not until it was almost about to happen. And part of me, Jack, wanted it to happen because I deserve it. I deserve to be raped."

"Oh, God," Jack groaned. He wrapped his arms tightly around his charge. "Damn it, Kilgrave, I'm not saying you don't deserve to be punished. You know it and I know it, but look, that's just barbaric. There are better ways to pay for your crimes, and we'll find them together, you and I, okay?"

"ʼM'kay," he mumbled into Jack's shoulder.

"I changed my mind, I'm getting you another drink."

"ʼM'kay,"

Jack untangled himself and made them both another drink, then settled back on the sofa. Kilgrave took his tumbler and had a good drink, then curled it against his chest with one of his patented inscrutable Kilgrave looks at Jack. "Go ahead, I can tell you want to say something," he said.

"It's just what you just said," Jack replied. "Are you saying that if anyone touches you in a sexual manner you have to respond?"

"My body has to respond, yes. That's me, Kilgrave, the human automatic erection. The whore."

"Then why were you afraid I was going to rape you?"

"Because I thought I was going to die," he said. "I thought you just wanted to hurt me, not just fuck me. I imagined you throttling me while you came in me. That sort of thing. Literally fucking me to death."

"How could you think that?" Jack gasped.

"Because it's what I deserve," he said, his voice flat.

"What did I just say?" scolded Jack. "This is why you're my property to keep and care for. You aren't able to make a proper moral decision."

"Jack, it's hard to be a velveteen rabbit when you're really just some monster," he spat.

Jack took their drinks and set them aside. He grabbed Kilgrave and hugged him so hard the man grunted. "You're my Goddamned monster, and I'll love you until you're a velveteen rabbit, you son of a bitch." Kilgrave said something, but his words were muffled against Jack's chest. Jack let him go and handed him his drink. "Didn't understand that, could you repeat it?"

"I said you're the most bull-headed man in the universe," Kilgrave said, grinning.

"And that's how I know I'm going to win," Jack replied. He raised his glass. Kilgrave hesitated, self-doubt in his eyes. "Trust your Jack, Kilgrave. Let's rub off that hair and wear down those sharp edges, yeah? Come on, now. You had a set-back."

"Oh, yeah, just a slight murder-y set-back," he sighed.

"I'm not giving up on you," Jack said, a hardness in his eyes now. He jiggled his tumbler. Relenting, Kilgrave sighed and they clinked their glasses. "Now let's get back to you saying how attractive I am."

"Oh, go on, you know you are."

"Yeah, but you pretty much said you find me attractive." Jack grinned, teasing relentlessly now.

"Well...I...you...it's hard to explain," Kilgrave mumbled, attempting to hide himself by taking another drink.

"Oh, relax, will you?" Jack couldn't help but be amused at his discomfort. "I have another little bomb to drop. See, it's the pheromones. 51St century pheromones. That's when I'm from, the future. Most people think it's aftershave, but it isn't."

"Go on!" Kilgrave said, sure Jack was having him on. "You are not!"

"Am so! Or did you forget my best friend is a time traveling alien? Look, just lean close, close your eyes and have a sniff and tell me how it makes you feel."

Kilgrave did as he was told. Inhaling deeply once, then again, he leaned back and looked Jack in the eye. "That's definitely part of it, yeah," he nodded. "You really are from the future?"

"Yep."

"Tell me!"

"Can't, people in this time aren't meant to know. And I know about the laws of time, Kilgrave. I was a Time Agent. That's all you need to know, so don't ask anything else."

Kilgrave drank deep. He gazed at his shoes a moment (he still hadn't figured out Jack's near-fetish for his wearing purple converse) and took a deep breath. "There's something else though," he said. He glanced at Jack, and Jack could see in his face that he was working himself up to say something he must have some uncertainty about having out in the open. "When you first took me as much as I hated it and as much as you had to compel me, you didn't always have to compel me. And then when I got so sick I... well, you... Ahem. Yes, well I mean—"

But he never got to finish what he was going to say. The door swung open and Ianto returned with Gwen in tow.

"This isn't a lad's night in, is it?" she said, nose crinkled with her grinning. She had with her a tray of her own food along with a fresh bottle of whiskey and more glasses as well as chips redolent with the smell of vinegar. While she and Ianto arranged their late night meal they had a vague awareness that Kilgrave's focus was solely on Jack, though he was aware of the others.

A bit discomfited, Gwen attempted to break the awkwardness. "I invited Rhys," she said with a friendly smile.

Without ever looking away from Jack, Kilgrave took a healthy gulp of his drink. "He watches my bum," he said. "Jack says it's okay though. That it doesn't really mean anything because lots of people like to look at bums without it ever meaning anything."

Gwen giggled. "Jack's right," she said, nodding. "Nice bums are pleasant to look at. You can admire one without it really meaning you want to have sex."

Just about that time Rhys entered and had to have the situation explained when everyone burst into laughter. "I don't watch his bum!" Rhys protested.

"Oh, you liar!" Gwen said. "You might think I haven't noticed but I have! I don't think anyone in this room hasn't watched Kilgrave's bum."

"I haven't watched my bum," Kilgrave said as he took a piece of chicken from Jack's plate. Before taking a bite he suddenly leaned towards Jack and kissed his cheek, then nonchalant, chomped into his piece of chicken as if nothing had happened: a cat that had fallen off the back of a sofa. _No comment necessary, thanks._

But Jack wasn't about to let it slide. Drunk Kilgrave was too much fun. "And what was that for?" he asked.

"What?" Kilgrave took another bite of chicken. _Nothing to see here, folks._

Jack took his chicken and his drink. "Spill, Mister Tipsy. The kiss on the cheek. Want your chicken and your drink back? Explain the kiss."

"If I must," Kilgrave sighed. "You kissed my cheek. Twice. It stopped me killing that awful man. You kissed me twice, and there was nothing to do with sex about it. Do you know when the last time someone kissed me like that was? A kiss that had nothing to do with sex?"

"I really have no idea," Jack answered.

"Never," Kilgrave said. "That's when. Never. That was the first time. It was nice. So I wanted to give you one back and see how it feels. Can I have my chicken and my drink back now?"

Silence fell for the spell of a few heartbeats. Jack smiled at him and gave him his food and drink with no comment. Kilgrave kissed his cheek again.

"There, now, that's two, we're even," Kilgrave said and took another drink.

Jack rubbed his cheek. "Chicken on my face!"

"Shall I kiss it off?" Kilgrave asked with a cheeky grin. He tossed his chicken bones onto Jack's plate and took another piece.

"Oh, you really are asking for it tonight, aren't you?"

Kilgrave didn't answer save for a raised brow, a half smile and then finishing his drink with a loud hiccup.

"Can I have another drink?" he finally said. "ʼM' havin' so much fun!"

"I think you've had enough for tonight," Jack said, this time with with a Jack Harkness Final Decision tone of voice. "You're getting way too saucy, and I think you're doing it on purpose."

"Am I?" Kilgrave batted his eyes innocently.

"That's it!" Jack said. And he meant it this time. "Back in a tick, gang."

He pulled Kilgrave up by his wrist and over to the manhole that served as their bedroom door.

"Ja-a-a-a-a-a-ck!" Kilgrave outright whined.

"Don't give me that, you asked for this," Jack scolded. "You wanted it, mister, and now you're getting it. Bedtime." He hefted Kilgrave over his shoulder and descended the ladder.

There was stifled laughter from the rest. Jack was back more quickly than they thought he would be.

"Out before I even had his pajamas buttoned," Jack said. "Still cuffed himself, though. I swear the man drive me nuts. What a fucking day I've had!"

"Awwwww," Gwen patted his shoulder. "Is Uncle Jackie tired?"

"It's like running after a psychotic puppy," Jack sighed.

"Stop whinging," Ianto said. "You've learned to love it. I see it. Did you leave him any headache pills?"

Jack poured himself a drink and grabbed some chips. "Can't. He still needs to depend on me for everything. I have to admit, though, he does have his moments when I learn from him, too. Let me tell you some of the things he's said..." The rest let him talk uninterrupted. Jack needed this. They needed the information and he needed to get it off his chest.

"I can't help it," he said as he finished unloading. "I let go of Gray's hand. I lost him. I couldn't save him. I'm not going to lose Kilgrave. Damn it, I'm going to save him."

##########

Kilgrave's own moan woke him to a headache which made him wonder if he was about to start bleeding from the eyes. Compounding his unhappiness was the lack of warmth in the bed. Jack was absent. The chain on his cuff had enough length to allow him to get to the toilet and also to ascend the ladder high enough to bang on the manhole cover. He dragged himself up the rungs and gave three hard knocks with the side of his fist."JA-A-A-A-CK! I need a wee!" he called. He climbed back down the ladder and sat on the side of the bed to wait for Jack.

He had at times had to wait for Jack to come and release him but never in the morning, and never this long. Something was different today. Something had changed. Kilgrave was sure it wasn't his hangover or his paranoia talking, either. As if to underscore these misgivings, when Jack finally made an appearance he carried a basket filled with breakfast items: a thermos of tea, ham and eggs, a banana, (why did he insist on Kilgrave eating bananas all the time?) toast with grape jam and a blueberry muffin.

Jack unlocked his cuff and sat on the side of the bed beside him, handing out his tea and his breakfast. "Eat up," he said. "You're taking the day off."

Kilgrave held Jack's eyes with his own for the space of a few heartbeats. "It's because I tried to kill Mason, isn't it? Because I tried to murder him."

"No," Jack's said, his answer soft, reassuring. He eased an arm around Kilgrave's shoulder. Handed him some headache pills which Kilgrave swallowed dry. "Yesterday was a bad day for you. You need a day of rest. To think things over. Yes, all of us are upset, but Mason triggered a set-back in you. We want you to have a day to just have to yourself to think things over. To think about what you've learned, and what you nearly lost. So do that. Laze around. Watch TV. Think things over. Think about how far you've come. Think about how much further you can go. When I bring you lunch we'll have a nice chat."

Noticing Kilgrave hadn't made a move to eat or drink, Jack poured his tea into a cup. He handed it to Kilgrave. He drank automatically without Jack having to tell him to do so. Jack handed him a fork, but no such luck with his food just yet. "Until then." Jack continued," I want you to also think about what we talked about. You said you would remember more than I think. Do you remember our talk about going out?"

Kilgrave stared at his toast and nodded. "I still don't want to leave Torchwood," he mumbled. His heart sped up in panic at the thought of it.

"Then I want you to think on it," Jack said, handing him his toast. "You know I have to do what's best for you whether you like it or not. So just think on all those things. And remember, I really do have your best interests in mind." He gave Kilgrave's shoulder s gentle squeeze. "And think how nice it'll be to have some of those snappy suits back. You'll be keeping the guyliner, though. I like it."

"I have to stay down here until lunch?" Kilgrave said mournfully. "I'm not going to know what to do with myself, I'm used to taking care of the Hub! I'm used to doing things for everyone."

"Now that just sounds like distress," Jack commented. "Should have given you time off sooner. Mistake on my part. A half-day isn't going to kill either of us, and you need time to think. Don't think I haven't got used to having you look after me. Well, it's time for me to let go a little and give you some time and space to sort yourself. That doesn't mean you aren't still mine, and it doesn't mean I'm not going to sit here until you eat every bite of your breakfast, mister, so dig in. I have a full day. We can talk while you eat, but small talk only. Today is Take It Easy On Kilgrave Day." Jack took his fork from him. "Gonna make me spoon-feed you like when you were sick?"

Kilgrave took the fork back. He couldn't stop the grin that insisted on spreading itself across his face.

Damn Jack Harkness and his fucking charming ways.

##########

"So how did he take it?" asked Gwen.

"He's confused," Jack answered taking a seat in the conference room. "And pouting." He failed at suppressing a grin.

"It's not funny, Jack!" scolded Gwen.

"I know, I know," Jack sighed.

"These new files from UNIT," Ianto added. "It's...a lot to take in. This complicates things."

"It's not his fault, Ianto," Jack snapped. "Nor mine. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"I'm going to get us some more coffee," Gwen blurted, her eagerness to get out of the way all too obvious.

No sooner was she out of the door than Jack went ahead and got it out of the way. "Look, I know you want me to yourself, Ianto, but obviously it's not going to work out that way now. IGN fucked with his mind, used hallucinogenic drugs and some other chemical cocktails that even UNIT can't figure out to imprint a predisposition for him to fall for me into his mind. They had thousands of files on me, images, voice recordings, everything! Fed right into the mind of an innocent child!

"And not only that, I would think you'd be a bit more concerned about how they were going to get their hands on me, but no, you're more concerned that I might just run off with a very sick man I'm in charge of making better. Can you reign in the green eyed monster long enough to let's figure out what IGN is up to now we know their still out there and under deep cover?"

Ianto took a deep breath and thought it all over. "Point taken. I hope you understand it's still hard for me. I'll have to adjust, I suppose."

"They want to get their hands on Kilgrave, and they want me, because they programmed him from childhood to be mine. They starved him of love because they knew if I loved him he would do anything I asked," Jack words fell bitter from his mouth. "They fucked with his sex drive because they know how much I value sex. They created him to be a weapon, and they targeted me to control that weapon. And they're willing to give me anything I want as long as I get him to do what they want. I'm their immortal shield. Even if I pissed him off, he can't kill me, and because I'm imprinted on him, he'll always forgive me." Jack's fist hit the tabletop in outrage. "That means they think that if they can win me over, they'll have total control over him, that he'll never turn on them because I won't let him. This changes nothing between the two of us. It just complicates things."

"Sorry, I just...I get insecure sometimes."

"You don't have to be," Jack said softly. "We've been together too long. You know what you mean to me. Otherwise I'd have dumped you by now," Jack nudged him and gave him a wink.

"This is going to change things, though," Ianto said.

"Yeah, it is," Jack nodded as Gwen returned with their coffees. "You know, this does explain a lot, though. He broke more easily than he should have, even with him getting so sick and everything. I think he already has a hell of a crush, he's just too proud and afraid to say anything. And now I have to encourage it. It's going to take the two of us to get to IGN and find out what they're up to and put an end to them for good."

"Can he compel people with your permission?" Ianto asked.

Jack sighed. "Yes. He can," Jack admitted. "But only if I command him to. If I compel him to compel someone. It's a fail-safe the Doctor put in place. He couldn't destroy Kilgrave's power, so he had to change it. Channel it."

"You mean..?" Gwen began.

"Yep," Jack said. "You're looking right at the man who could take over the world if he wanted to, and I have a pet Kilgrave to do it with. But why in hell would I want to do that? Who am I to run an entire planet? I've seen the universe. I've seen what happens when one person has that much power. No one is meant to have that much power. Freedom is better, even the freedom to fuck everything up. Besides, look what it did to Kilgrave."

"So, you have to, what? Seduce Kilgrave?" Gwen asked.

"Honestly, I don't think I even have to do that." Jack frowned, then sighing, continued. "They've imprinted me in his mind since his was little. My face, my voice, they even had look-a-likes fucking him senseless. He's suppressed so many memories he doesn't realize it. Probably a good, proper kiss would trigger it. And then they fucked with his hormones. It doesn't take much to make him respond, you know. His body takes over. God only knows what it's been like for him since he's been here. For him, almost a year without sex must be painful."

"Then what?" Ianto asked.

"I'm going to try to bypass the imprint and do it the old fashioned way," Jack said. "Sorry, Ianto, but I have to court him. I want him to actually, really fall in love with me. Real love, not some artificial bullshit that was forced on him. Granted, it's going to be hard to tell the difference. I may have to call the Doctor to verify that it's real. But if I can do that, then real love, plus what IGN did to him will put him right in our corner. He'll never betray us. Love won't let him."

"God, this sounds so cruel," Gwen said.

"On one hand, it is," Jack said. "On the other hand, no one has ever really loved him before. Now don't tell me the two of you haven't grown to care about him. Admit it."

"He has been trying," Gwen admitted. "And he can be very sweet when he wants."

"He does have a certain charm," Ianto admitted. "Since he's been here I've seen a side of him I don't think he's shown too many people."

"The wounded child," Gwen finished.

"Exactly," Ianto agreed.

"Well, there you are," Jack said. "He's got his sharp edges, but I'll make him a velveteen rabbit yet," Jack grinned and gave them both a wink.

"Well, I'd better fit him out for some suits, then," Ianto said.

"Because you've got your work cut out for you getting him out of Torchwood," Gwen said.

"There's something else the two of you had better think about. Prepare yourselves for. If I'm going to make him love me, really love me," Jack sighed and buried his face in his hands. "It can't be one-way. Or it's not real. I have to love him, too. I'm sorry, Ianto, I really, truly am."

"I'm not blind, Jack," Ianto replied. "You're partly there already. Or did you think we haven't noticed?"


	6. Chapter 6 - Delayed Emergence

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Chapter 6

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Delayed Emergence

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When Jack next opened the manhole cover he had no lunch with him. He shouldn't have been surprised that Kilgrave had re-cuffed himself, but sure enough, he had. He really had meant it when he said the cuff made him feel safe, so this was an indication that Kilgrave was feeling out of his depth. Well, hopefully this would soon, little by little, end.

Jack unlocked the cuff. Kilgrave fetched his usual jeans and tee along with is purple socks and converse, but Jack made no move to undress him. Instead, he handed Kilgrave a gift box wrapped in lilac paper with bright purple ribbon. Kilgrave looked at him, brows drawn together in confusion.

"Go on, open it," Jack encouraged. He chuckled at the suspicious look on Kilgrave's face. He watched Kilgrave give a halfhearted tug at the ribbon. "Come on, now, open it! I want to see your face."

Inside the box was a royal purple velvet dressing gown, the exact color of his velvet collar, in fact, trimmed in heliotrope. Beside it lay a pair of fine Italian leather slippers in puce. Kilgrave gave Jack a curious look, head cocked like a confused puppy. Jack guided him to his feet. Took the dressing gown from the box and slipped Kilgrave's arms and shoulders into it, then turned him and tied the belt. Sat him back down on the bed and put the slippers on his feet, pulled him back up, and gesturing in a circular motion with his index finger for Kilgrave to turn around, had Kilgrave model the results.

Jack beamed. "Have a gander in the mirror," he said. "You look princely."

Kilgrave did as he was told. His jaw dropped a bit. With his silk pajamas, the velvet dressing gown and leather slippers the man in the mirror was indeed something to see. "It's beautiful," he agreed. "But why? What's the occasion?"

"You've been with us almost a year, now," Jack said, stepping up behind him and placing his hands on his shoulders. "And it's Be Kind to Kilgrave Day. And I'm tired of seeing you in the same thing all the time. You're mine, and I want my pet to look pretty."

Kilgrave blushed deeply. "Your property, and now your pet?"

"You've been trying so hard to do better," Jack said. "Why can't you be my pet, too, as long as you have to be my property? It's time you started getting rewarded for doing well. I'll make a velveteen rabbit out of you yet. Now come on up, you get to laze around the Hub today in your finery. Lunch is ready. You're going to knock everyone's socks off in this."

Jack took his hand and guided him to the ladder as he seemed reluctant to leave without being dressed in his usual drudge-wear. "Come on," Jack coaxed.

Biting his lower lip, Kilgrave did as he was told. He had learned to be fairly comfortable doing as Jack told him, far more than he had ever expected he would be. He felt sure Jack's charm played a part in it, but then Jack had also demonstrated many times that he really did care what happened to him. And there was that indefinable something that Kilgrave couldn't quite pin down as well. He let Jack lead him up.

Jack's heart swelled with pride at Kilgrave's trust in him. The man had grown so used to routine that anything out of the ordinary for him unsettled him. Move his cushion and his eyes would cast about in near panic. So this was a big step for him.

Jack led him into the conference room where Gwen and Ianto were setting out their lunch and pouring coffees and teas. They looked up when Jack led Kilgrave in, still holding his hand, and guided him to his chair. Gwen whistled.

"First time I've seen you in your pajamas," she said. "That's some fancy lounge-wear. You're a stunner in it."

"Actually it's the first time in ages I've seen you in anything but your jeans and tee shirts," Ianto added. "Jack, we've got to get him some decent clothes, it's a sin for him to have only one kind of outfit to wear, seeing him like this."

Kilgrave only stared at his hands folded in his lap and again bit his lip, blushing. He looked confused, nervous.

"And I'll say this, too," Jack said. "Almost a year now. That's a milestone. Time to change things up. So you're going to get some upgrades. Hey, don't look at me like that, it's not a punishment!" Jack couldn't help but chuckle.

"But...I'm used to things as they are, and I have so much more work to do, and I haven't done nearly enough to pay for the things I've done!" Now Kilgrave really did look distressed.

"Hey, hey," Jack said. He took Kilgrave's hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "The first year is almost over with. Just because you're getting upgrades doesn't mean the work is done. In some ways it's going to be even more intense. But in other ways, it's going to be so much better. Look at it as just a different phase."

"But—" Kilgrave gave each of them a pleading look.

"How are you supposed to grow and change if we don't change the way we do things when it's time to do so?" Jack said. Jack pushed his plate towards him: a lamb sandwich with chocolate cake for afters. "Different doesn't mean bad. I think maybe I got you too used to routine. Time to change it up."

"But who'll take care of your coat? And the weevils, Jack, you said yourself, they behave for me better, and what about Myfanwy, we've become very good friends, and now that I'm here to do for you all, Ianto and Gwen are free to help you in the field more and..."

"You can still do those things," Jack said. "But you'll have other duties, too, now. Just relax, okay? I'll explain as we go along. And Kilgrave?"

"Yes?"

"There are other reasons, too." Jack squeezed his hand again. "When it's time, I'll tell you. And that's a promise. I know you have trust issues, and God knows I would too. So here's another promise. I'll tell you the truth. All of it. But not all at once. I have to let you take in little chunks of it and adjust, and then on to the next step. Think of it as a healing process. Who do you belong to?"

"You," he answered without hesitation, and now without rancor.

"You know that means I have a responsibility to treat you well and do right by you, don't you?"

"I've come to believe that you do," Kilgrave said.

"Then understand this," Jack said, laying his hand along Kilgrave's cheek. "You've given us, all of us, a reason to give a damn what happens to you."

"It's true," Gwen gave him a smile.

Ianto handed him his tea. "Get used to it," he said.

Jack leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Now eat your damned sandwich and let's enjoy your day off." He had to smile when Kilgrave placed his hand on his cheek as if to hold the warmth of Jack's kiss to his cheek. Finally, he gave them a slow smile and picked up his sandwich. Biting into it, he closed his eyes as if in bliss. He did love good food.

After lunch Jack had to catch up on paperwork. Kilgrave started to take his regular place on his cushion at Jack's feet. Jack shook his head. "No," he said. "Not today."

"But I like my cushion, it's mine, and it's comfy!"

"Well then," Jack pulled him up by his wrist, took the cushion and placed it on the sofa. "There you go," he said. He turned on the TV and found a football game. "Well, go on," Jack said. "That's an order. Get comfy and enjoy the day off."

"But..."

"Ah-ah!" scolded Jack. "No excuses, mister. You've got your cushion, you're right here in my office with me, there's not one good reason for you to not sit on the sofa instead of the floor." Jack swatted his bottom. "Go on, now, I want you relaxing on the sofa while I work. That's what will make me happy. You want to make me happy, don't you?"

"Well, yes, I suppose, It's just I'm so used to―"

"You aren't used to a day off and upgrades either, though." Jack took him by the upper arm and marched him to the sofa, then sat him on his cushion. "There. You're still on your cushion not more than a few steps away and with a nice game to watch while I work, and that makes me happy. Now, isn't it nice that I want to do this for you?"

"Um, I suppose so, if it really does make you happy?"

Jack grinned. "You really have grown attached to those cushions, haven't you?"

Kilgrave just shrugged and nodded with a sudden, odd shyness. "They're very nice," he said by way of explanation. "Very finely made, I like fine things. Even if I did have to sit on the floor, they made me feel a bit, well, spoiled."

"Well, feel spoiled on the sofa and watch your football while I work, okay?" Jack returned to his desk. Apparently even giving Kilgrave the day off, he was going to have to maintain his authority. In the long run, a good thing, Jack supposed.

Jack kept half an eye on him for a while. He was uneasy at first, but after a bit he settled in, pulling the cushion from under himself and hugging it to his chest, resting his cheek against it. At last he became engrossed in the game and once he started scolding the players, Jack grinned and could then get on with his work. He actually finished up before the game was over, so he joined Kilgrave on the sofa and watched the rest of the game with him after fetching a couple of beers.

When they went to the kitchen for snacks they found Gwen and Ianto at the computer looking at websites showcasing menswear. Specifically high-end suits. Kilgrave stopped dead in his tracks. He seemed partly drawn to the images, partly reluctant to look.

"Don't be so uptight," Jack said. "You'll look nice in a suit right here in the Hub."

That seemed to reassure him. He reached out and caressed the computer screen when Ianto brought up a particularly well cut slim suit in cashmere. Ianto next brought up a coat, knowing that people will notice the coat before the suit, and knew that Kilgrave would be quite aware of this as well.

"I was thinking these shoes to go with the outfit," Ianto said. "And I have swatches of every fabric in every shade of purple they have. So what do you say, yeah? Shall I get my tape measure?"

Kilgrave seemed to mull it over for a few moments. He looked at Jack. Jack slipped an arm around his waist. "Go on," he said. "You'll be so pretty in it. And when you're at your new duties you'll feel more confident. And you still have to go out to Ianto's and Gwen's to do their house-work. You can wear it there, then change into your work clothes."

He nodded. "Let's do it," he said.

"But like I said, you keep the guyliner," Jack added.

"Oh, absolutely!" he gave Jack a smile. He didn't actually say "because I know you like it", but he may as well have.

"Go to that other website," Jack said. "You know the one."

Ianto typed it in. This one was for very exclusive clients, practically invitation-only. Jack was a regular client there.

"You shop there?" Kilgrave said, the note of surprise in his voice mirrored on his face. "My God, you must be filthy rich."

"I do okay," Jack gave him a wink. "Now let's have a look-see at what they have for you here. Pick out anything you want. As many as you want."

"Oh, you can't mean that," Kilgrave looked at him suspiciously. "Now you're having me on."

"Okay, mister doubting Thomas, I'm putting my money where my mouth is. A dozen suits, Ianto. Top of the line. If he won't choose them, then you do it. Shoes, ties, topcoats, socks, belts, the works. Just make sure there's room under his shirt collar for his velvet collar to be comfy." Kilgrave's eyes widened like a kid at Christmas. "I'll get our snacks."

Kilgrave went at it as though it were a game. Thinking that Jack was really just pulling an elaborate joke on him, he went all the way, ordering the most expensive suits, coats, ties, shoes and belts available. He even added fine leather gloves which would need to be custom dyed just like his belts in varying shades of purple. Wool, linen, cotton, silk, cashmere, blends, in patterns and textures only someone with the finest tastes would desire along with every accessory imaginable. He practically squealed like a girl over a highly textured waistcoat in mostly purple but with bits of navy and gold to accentuate the deep, saddened purple of the bumpy weave. When Jack returned he took over and added extra shirts, scarves and ties that he found particularly attractive. "Have the trousers cut snug," he told Ianto. "And make sure there's plenty of crotch room, our boy is fairly blessed. You know how to handle that tape measure. Go one, Kilgrave, let us watch you get fitted!"

Gwen rubbed her hands together. "Oh, yes, do, please! I mean, if you don't mind? You'll be in your underpants, but you're so lovely. Give a girl something nice to look at, dear?"

He blushed deeply, hesitated. Gwen nearly bit her tongue, thinking she had triggered bad memories in him. He seemed to be searching within himself, as though he needed to know if it would, indeed trigger bad memories.

"Why not?" he finally said, grinning. "You don't think I'm a whore, do you? So yes, I will let you look at my sexy little body, Gwen Cooper!"

He went to the computer and selected a jazz tune and in the most comic way, mimicked a stripper for them, then spread his arms and legs. "What are you waiting for, Ianto Jones? Where is that measuring tape? I know you have it on you!"

Jack, Gwen and Ianto whistled and applauded, then Gwen and Jack settled down while Ianto took his measurements. That done, Kilgrave waited for Jack to dress him as he had become accustomed to doing. Ianto and Gwen hadn't seen this done before. They were struck by the care that Jack took in dressing his charge with gentle authority that telegraphed the message: my property, but mine to care for. Mine to discipline or to spoil. Mine.

And as though this was nothing at all, Kilgrave followed Jack to the kitchen table where their snacks waited. After snacks came small talk and video games followed by a dodgy game of basketball in which there was much cheating and laughter by all.

Kilgrave surprised them by calling down Myfanwy. Tossing fish to her high in the air, he had her wheel about them and even squawk on command. The others gawped. They hadn't thought she was capable of being trained at all. True, she lacked the intelligence for much training beyond simple conditioning, but what Kilgrave had taught her bespoke patience on his part. More important than this, it showed he was capable of empathy. Jack couldn't help wondering if he even recognized what it was when he felt it. He'd been raised in an emotional wasteland. For a man whose ideas of love came from television, he had made remarkable progress.

After Gwen and Ianto left the pair of them meandered about the Hub. Kilgrave knew he wasn't allowed in the archives, but on a whim, Jack nipped in and brought out a couple of items, both of them toys for alien youngsters. One, Jack's favorite, projected the life-cycles of dozens of Fire-birds, hatching, maturing, reproducing, and then dying almost instantly, literally made of fire and blazing a rainbow of colors as they sang their way through their lives and deaths. The other projected a hologram so realistic Kilgrave tried to walk into it: a beach with pink waves and blue sand. He could hear the waves breaking on the shore and the sharp-stitched cries of the sea-bird like creatures that flew overhead, he could smell the tang of the sea air and feel the beat of the triple suns that hung in an alien sky.

Kilgrave unconsciously took Jack's arm, and with a child-like gasp of wonder, hugged it close to himself in delight, his face bright with wonder. Jack pulled his arm away and stepped behind Kilgrave, wrapping his arms around him and just stood there, enjoying showing someone the delights of the universe.

"I'd take you out there, if I could," Jack said softly. "Oh, Kilgrave, if only you could see it. It changes you. If you could see it, it would make things so much easier for you. You'd understand how small our lives can be if we let them." He turned Kilgrave to face him. "But we don't have to let them be small. We can make them count. Even right here on this little planet. I want to help you with that. When I took you and made you mine, you became a blank slate, and my purpose this whole time has been to make you a better man. But it's also been to make you a happier man, too, don't you see?"

He looked deeply into Jack's eyes and nodded. "I've come to understand that better over that last little while. Jack, I–" He opened his mouth, but his words failed him. When he finally did speak, he just shrugged and said, "Nothing, I'm just rambling."

'Rambling, my ass', thought Jack. Aloud, though, he said, "Speaking of rambling, there's a place we're going to ramble to. There's something very special I want to share with you. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, when I thought you'd be open to the lesson I'm trying to teach you. I wanted it to be between the two of us, no one else. And this is taking a degree of trust in you for me to do this, Kilgrave, because it's something that means so much to me. It's not something I share with a lot of people. So understand this. This is a gift straight from my heart, from me to you. Come on and let me show you why it's so important to me that I save you."

Jack took his hand and led him to a place he he had never been allowed to enter. In fact he didn't even know it existed as it was locked away deep within the warren of of Torchwood's underground hallways: the stasis vault.

Screwing up his courage, Jack pulled open the drawer that held his brother. He guided Kilgrave closer. He told Kilgrave their story, how he had lost Gray because he had let go of his hand, and how Gray had become insane, had become a force of destruction, had murdered Tosh, had buried his own brother alive.

"I let him down," Jack said. "I let go of his hand. And he was driven insane. I lost him, Kilgrave. I didn't save him. Well, I'm not going to let go of your hand. I'm not going to lose you. I'm not making the same mistake twice." Kilgrave looked at Jack, at the tears coursing down his cheeks. He could see the heartbreak in Jack's eyes. "For thousands of years, I died and came back, over and over, and every time, I knew it wasn't enough. It was never enough to pay for failing him."

Kilgrave threw his arms around Jack's neck and hugged him tight. "Don't Jack, please, don't, you won't lose me, I promise," he soothed. "I won't let you, I promise. You won't let go of my hand, because I won't let go of yours, I promise. I promise. I swear I wont ever let go of your hand."

Jack wrapped his arms around Kilgrave and they stood by Gray's frozen body, sharing grief and comfort for a while. Finally Kilgrave pulled away and closed the drawer, sending Gray back into his frozen limbo once again. He took Jack's hand and led him back to the Hub. He made them both a tall drink. Without agreeing to do so, they went to Jack's office and sat on the sofa together, Kilgrave snuggling close to Jack and holding his hand.

When their glasses were empty, Kilgrave led Jack to their bedroom. He undressed Jack as usual, then took off his new slippers and dressing gown and put them away. Jack was already in bed, and Kilgrave joined him.

"You aren't putting on your cuff tonight?" Jack asked.

"I don't think I need it anymore," Kilgrave said.

Usually they slept with Kilgrave's back to Jack's chest, but tonight Kilgrave turned to face his bedfellow. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"When you told me about your brother, I hurt for you. That's empathy, right?"

"Yes, that's exactly what that was."

"Then maybe there's hope for me yet?"

Jack smiled. "I think there's a lot of hope for you."

"Thank you for the day off, and thank you for the suits but more than anything, thank you for trusting me enough to share your story about Gray with me. Jack, you just don't know what that means to me."

"I hoped it would mean something special to you. That you'd understand why I need to save you."

Kilgrave put his arms around Jack's neck. "It did more than that, though. You know how you're always saying you made me yours so you could mold me into a new man?"

"Yeah?"

"Tonight I realized that I want to be yours. I want you to mold me into a new man. One you can be proud of." He gave Jack a smile. "I never thought I'd feel proud to be someone's property, but tonight I realized I am, if that someone is you." His hand went to his collar and he toyed with the little silver charm with affection. "Some day, Jack Harkness, I will make you so proud of me. I'm going to work so, so hard, harder than ever. I want it all now. Once I thought I had anything I wanted, but really I had nothing. I am the property of Captain Jack Harkness, and I'm glad of it. Because now I've gained so, so much."

Jack embraced him gently and kissed the top of his head. "Now that's what I call progress," he said. "Willingness to change. Makes all the difference." Kilgrave looked into Jack's eyes and swallowed hard. Jack could tell he was working up the courage to say something he really wanted out in the open. "Whatever it is you want to say, you can say it," Jack reassured. "It's okay."

Kilgrave bit his lower lip and dropped his eyes. This must be difficult for him. Jack stroked his cheek. "Come on, now, I opened up to you tonight, I trusted you, you can trust me, too."

He looked into Jack's eyes again, and Jack saw so much vulnerability there. The sincerity in those big brown eyes was so real it was almost painful to look at. "I don't need my cuff anymore," he said in a hushed voice. "Your arms are enough." Suddenly grown shy, he hid his face in Jack's chest.

Jack kissed the top of his head. "If it's my arms you need, you've got 'em." He gave Kilgrave a gentle squeeze. "I can't say it's an unpleasant duty in the least." He took Kilgrave's chin and tipped his face up and gave him a peck between the eyes. "Let's skip reading tonight, yeah? I just want to fall asleep like this."

"Me, too." Kilgrave said, pressing his face against Jack's chest again.

Jack laid still and felt Kilgrave grow loose and relaxed in his arms. They had been sharing a bed for almost a year now, and that night Jack stayed awake just to watch Kilgrave sleep more soundly than he had since the day he had arrived.


	7. Chapter 7 The Silken Prison

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Chapter 7

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The Silken Prison

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 **AN - I need a beta reader desperately! If you have experience and are willing please contact me. I need someone good with spelling, grammar, formatting and plot holes who knows how to merge documents and track changes.**

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More often than not Jack was a place-holder in his own bed as he didn't really sleep that much, yet couldn't really vacate it because he had a pet psycho to babysit there. This meant he'd had to adjust since taking Kilgrave on. Sometimes he read in bed, but other times he spent just laying there meditating, wandering down the long paths of his memories or meditating. Sometimes he would just lay there and think about what do do with his ward. Lately he had been spending a good deal of time just watching him sleep. Kilgrave never knew because he had always slept facing away from Jack. This was not the case this morning, however. When he noticed Kilgrave stirring, on impulse, Jack feigned sleep, watching through slitted eyelids. Kilgrave stretched against him, snuggling his face against Jack's chest.

Thinking Jack still asleep, Kilgrave whispered, near-inaudible, "Sleepy-head, you work too hard." His fingertips caressed the skin over Jack's sternum.

And then he dropped a dry ghost of a kiss there. "My Jack," he whispered. "I call you my Jack. But you're still my Captain. Still my Sir. And I belong to you. So there." With another ghost of a kiss followed by a contented yawn he snuggled against Jack again and slipped back into a drowse.

Jack had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the chuckle that wanted to escape from Kilgrave's sneaky bit of sass and giving himself away. He let his charge sleep another thirty minutes, then nuzzled the top of Kilgrave's head, dropping a kiss there. "Wakey wakey," he called. "You don't have to shine, but it's time to rise."

"Mmmmm. D'wung ge'upp yeh'. S'nice here."

Well, this was out of the ordinary. It had been quite some time since Jack had gotten much of a protest from Kilgrave. He grinned into Kilgrave's hair. His pet wouldn't have done that if he weren't really enjoying this. Jack allowed himself to tighten his embrace ever so slightly; he mustn't rush things. "If that meant what I think it did, I agree. I don't want to get up yet either, and it is nice here," he used his thumb and two fingers to tip up Kilgrave's face. His eyelids were heavy with sleep, his mouth with it's generous bottom lip slack, lending a pouty charm. Jack resisted the temptation, though. No matter how kissable Kilgrave looked, the timing wasn't right. Instead he disciplined himself to put those feelings into his emotions. It was love Kilgrave needed, not sex. There had been too much substituting sex for love in his life, to the point the poor bastard didn't really know the difference. His conditioning told him sex is love. Jack's task had to be to show him differently. If there was to be any kissing done, it had to be for pure affection only: to show approval, to reassure or suchlike. Also to encourage trust and strengthen the emotional bond, but nothing of a sexual nature yet.

Given the considerable libido the pair of them had been blessed (or cursed, depending on the situation) with, Jack packed away his urges. He did allow himself to ruffle Kilgrave's hair as he said "but we can have tea and coffee and blueberry muffins, and the Hub is empty still. Just the two of us. So come on. Anyway, you skipped your shower yesterday. Up and at 'em." He gave Kilgrave's bottom a light slap. Kilgrave stretched again, and being in his arms, Jack could feel the warmth of his body, the tone of the lean muscles and hear the tiny, contented sound that came from deep in Kilgrave's throat as he smiled up at Jack. He rolled out of bed with artless grace, waiting on Jack to undress him.

And try as he might, this morning Jack could not stop himself from taking a more leisurely pace at it instead of the perfunctory manner he had always used, though he took care not to let his touch linger. The slower pace gave him time to more fully appreciate Kilgrave's masculine beauty: the lean body, the flat little belly, his perfectly round little ass, legs that went on forever, his long, graceful neck, hands and feet. Jack forced his eyes away from Kilgrave's crotch. There, too, was length. He made himself focus on Kilgrave's face. The expression Jack found there made it almost as bad a mistake as looking further down.

He looked like a puzzled yet playful puppy with his big, brown eyes. His big, brown _adoring_ eyes. Jack's knees all but buckled. Right. He steeled his nerve, cleared his throat and took his usual stance to let Kilgrave undress him for their shower. And once in the shower (a bit on the cold side, Jack knew, and knew Kilgrave noticed by his discomfited yelp) Jack did take his usual perfunctory routine. _Discipline, Harkness, discipline,_ he scolded himself. He was a bit too perfunctory. More than once Kilgrave yelped when Jack got a little rough with his ablutions.

On the other hand when it was Kilgrave's turn to wash Jack, he was more gentle than usual. They stepped out of the shower. Jack began toweling Kilgrave. Another yelp.

"I've done something wrong," Kilgrave said sorrowfully, eyes cast down. "I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry, and if you'll just tell me, I won't do it again."

Oh, shit, Jack was screwing this all up. "No, no," he said gently. With deliberate gentleness he dried between Kilgrave's toes. "You didn't do anything wrong, I've just got some things on my mind. I really owe you an apology. I should be more careful not to let my problems splash onto you like this. It's unfair to you. I'm sorry, I really am."

"Jack? Are you okay?" Kilgrave took a towel and began drying his keeper. That done, he allowed Jack to dress him.

Which Jack was very careful to be gentle doing. "I'm fine, really I am, just got things on my mind, really." He finished tying Kilgrave's shoes when it happened. The words just blurted right out of his mouth, and there was no stopping them. "You really are an adorable little son of a bitch, you know that? You're so cute when I dress you. I love doing it."

"Jack?"

"Sorry, I'm so sorry, that was completely inappropriate, I shouldn't make you uncomfortable like that, it's just..."

"I told you I find you attractive," Kilgrave shrugged. "Fair is fair. I'll take the compliment."

Oh God, did he have to turn a bashful pink and bat those long, thick lashes like that?

Kilgrave saved Jack further humiliation by gathering his clothing and helping him dress. "I'm starving," he said. "Now what was that about blueberry muffins?"

Jack heaved a sigh of relief. "You really love those things, don't you?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I crave purple foods. purple potatoes, red cabbage and onions, burgundy wine, grapes, black currants, acai berries, anything purple." He shrugged. I just like purple."

"Or maybe it's a nutritional need you have that others don't have so much," Jack said. "It's getting to be time for your yearly health check. I'll have Martha look into it."

"I'm sure it's psychological," he said, climbing the ladder. He looked back over his shoulder. "I just like purple."

"Having it checked anyway," Jack said, averting his eyes. Caught staring at that luscious ass again, damn it.

Kilgrave said nothing, however. He was getting used to having his bottom stared at. And after all, Ianto had ordered all his jeans tight and stretchy. People were bound to notice. Jack did catch the tiniest of smirks and a slightly raised eyebrow, however. But that was okay. Kilgrave was anything but stupid. He knew Jack was finding him a temptation. He knew it, was just a little frightened by it, yet found it enjoyable. Jack wondered if part of the thrill for him was that little edge of fear. If so, then Jack would have to test it, discover what it was based on, how much of it was there, how deep it ran and remove it. As he sat at the table watching Kilgrave make their breakfast he ran scenarios through his mind on how to do exactly that.

Kilgrave poured his coffee for him and plated their muffins. He sat and poured himself a cup of tea before biting into his muffin. Jack watched him lick his lips, then collect crumbs from his thumb and forefinger with his tongue. Jack mentally slapped himself. "Um, you were saying something?"

"I said I need to remember to ask Ianto to call the bakery and order more muffins, we're almost out," Kilgrave said, giving Jack a wary look. "Are you okay? You seem to be a million miles away today."

"I'm fine, really, like I said, I just have some things on my mind, Muffin."

"Oh, Jack, please don't call me Muffin?"

"Did I? Sorry, it just sort of slipped out," Jack said, and now he was the one blushing; he could feel heat rising to his cheeks. "We were, um, talking about muffins and it kind of just came out. I'll try not to do it again."

"Awwwww, I think it's adorable," they heard Gwen say.

Gwen and Ianto had come in through the back that day. Ianto had anticipated the muffin supply growing low, and the bakery was closer from the back way. And they had heard the exchange. No getting out of it now.

"Morning, Jack," Ianto greeted. "Morning, Muffin."

"Damn it," muttered Jack. How was he going to make this up to Kilgrave? He looked at his charge. The big-eyed puppy was gone. The inscrutable little shit looked back at Jack.

"Permission to commence duties?" was all Jack got from him.

"Of course," was all Jack could say. Once he was out of earshot, he glared at Ianto and Gwen. "Thanks a lot, guys. You just wrecked a ton of progress I'd made."

"Oh, God, Jack, I'm so sorry." said Gwen.

Ianto winced. "Me too," he added.

"Tell that to Kilgrave," growled Jack. He rose from the table so suddenly his chair fell over, startling everyone in the room. He didn't bother picking his chair up as he stormed off to his office.

"I think we had better fix this," said Ianto to Gwen.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I think we had better do that."

* * *

Jack sat in his office trying to concentrate on his work. Correction. Jack sat in his office _fuming_ and trying to concentrate on his work. Add to that the fact that he kept glancing at the empty cushion at his feet and he was getting nothing done. Never-mind that the cushion would have been empty anyway while Kilgrave was at his duties. The room felt emptier than it should. He swallowed hard, thinking of those big, brown adoring eyes and how in a single, stupid moment all that had been stolen from him. He wanted to see those big brown adoring puppy eyes again, not the hurt, inscrutable, wary ones he had last seen. He sighed, laying his head down on the desk, pillowed on his arms and moaned. Could he really have fallen this hard this fast for his charge? Apparently he could. Could and had. Never-mind pacing, if he could gain Kilgrave's forgiveness he was going to give him a kiss that would curl the man's toes.

He picked up his phone and called some of his favorite shops and made a few orders. Jack had inherited a wounded wolf found lying in a bridle path, one that could and would snap at anyone trying to touch it, even if they were trying to help it. He had worked hard to reduce the wounded wolf back to a state of the trusting cub willing to be cared for and damned if he was going to let some stupid _faux pas_ take that from him.

Gwen and Ianto had themselves been busy calling shops and setting things up. They'd had to wait until Kilgrave was done ruthlessly cleaning the kitchen, Hub and toilet to fetch their orders. And ruthlessly was the perfect word to describe the way Kilgrave had gone about it, taking his hurt and humiliation out on every speck of dirt and untidy corner or crevice. People thought Ianto was a clean freak. Kilgrave on most days cleaned rings around any of them. Today it was like he was anticipating an inspection. He went about his work silently except when one of them wanted a drink, at which time he would stop to prepare the beverage and serve it with a cold "Your coffee, Mr. Jones," or a "Your tea, Mrs. Cooper."

Back to formal titles, then. He had been trained to show no disrespect, so no matter how deeply he had been hurt, he would go no further than reverting to formal titles. The use of titles showed that they had wounded him deeply. He had trusted them not to humiliate or hurt him, and they had betrayed that trust by tossing aside what little dignity left to him.

They had screwed up right and proper. So now they had to fix it. They had to make it up to him before he came to his own conclusions that they hadn't really meant it when they told him they cared what happened to him. They both knew he had trust issues, they should have known better than to undermine the trust it had taken so long to build. Trust is a fragile thing, so easily destroyed. Both Gwen and Ianto knew the quicker they put damage control in place, the better, so they has put their heads together and came up with a plan. Kilgrave or Jack mustn't know, it would spoil the surprise. And please, God, let it work! Bad enough they had hurt Kilgrave. They had also driven a wedge between Jack and Kilgrave. In so doing, Jack was now mortally pissed off with them.

And that was _not_ a comfortable place to be.

* * *

Jack's head pounded with the stress headache brought on by this morning's fuck-up. This morning, which has started out so lovely and so full of promise that even the memory of it gave Jack butterflies. Now all he had was a stress headache, a stiff neck from his tension and an aching heart. That and severe coffee withdrawals. Kilgrave should have brought him a mid-morning cup by now. Here it was, almost lunch-time, and no Kilgrave. On the tail of that thought came worry.

What if Kilgrave had decided to leave Torchwood after all? Jack's heart sank down to his boots. Worse, given his self-hatred, what if he harmed himself? He pressed a button on his wrist-comp that would broadcast his voice over all the speakers in the Hub. "Kilgrave, I'd like a cup of coffee, please."

Minutes crawled by like hours. No Kilgrave. Jack felt his heart give a sickening flip. He tried again. "Cup of coffee, please, Kilgrave." Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. Still no Kilgrave. One more try. "Kilgrave, I could really use a cup of coffee, could you please bring me one?"

After five minutes Ianto came in with a cup of coffee and quietly placed it on Jack's desk.

It was swept off, crashing to the floor. Ianto winced. "Jack, I'm so sorry," he mumbled.

"You should be!" Jack snapped. He got up and strode out.

"Where are you going?" Ianto asked.

"To look for him, if that's all right with you!"

He wasn't with Myfanwy, though going by how soundly she was sleeping he had fed her.

He wasn't tidying the cleaning cupboard.

Not in the kitchen.

Not in the toilet.

That left one place: the cells where the weevils were kept.

And that's where Jack found him, sitting on the floor, back against the wall, empty food buckets strewn about. The weevils were in a state, growling and hurling food and offal at anything that moved. Apparently Kilgrave had been a target. He was covered with slop. He hugged his knees to his chest, sniffling.

"What happened?" Jack gasped.

"The wuh-weevils," he said, then sniffled again, then hiccuped, wiped his nose on his already dirty shirt. "Thuh-think they sensed I wasn't feeling too confident. They threw their food at me. And then...ugh, oh Jack, they threw poo on me! No! Don't touch me, you'll get filthy, too!"

So this is where he had been. Already embarrassed and humiliated, he hadn't wanted to be seen like this, so he had chosen to simply stay down here, alone, cold and filthy. Jack ignored his protests, though, scooping him up in his arms. "It's okay, we'll just both get get cleaned up, I can't have my pet sitting around all dirty like this. Dirty and upset." He carried Kilgrave upstairs and straight to his office where Ianto was still cleaning up the mess from Jack's smashed cup of coffee.

"What happened?" Kilgrave asked.

"Nothing, Kilgrave, nothing at all." Jack soothed. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."

Once in their bedroom Jack immediately began stripping him of the filth-sodden clothing. Kilgrave looked worried. "What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Please don't wash me too hard this time like you did this morning?" he asked, adding "You hurt me." And oh God, his bottom lip was trembling. Fuck.

"No, no, I promise I won't," Jack said, brushing a stray lock of hair from his eyes. "I don't know what got into me, I'll be careful, I promise, okay?"

Kilgrave nodded. The trusting puppy eyes were back now. They were large and dewy and though they looked sad, Jack's heart filled with gratitude. As this morning, he took his time undressing Kilgrave, not to admire the beauty of him, but to send the message that he cared about Kilgrave. Well, okay, he did care about Kilgrave, but damn, even filthy, he was just so pretty.

"Oh no, not that shirt," Kilgrave pouted at the stain on Jack's shirt. "That's my favorite of your blue shirts! I think I can get that stain out though, if you let me wash it right away," He began unbuttoning Jack's shirt.

Jack took his hands and caressed his knuckles with his thumbs. "Never-mind undressing me this time, and never-mind the shirt, let me take care of you, okay?"

"But–"

"I said never-mind the shirt and never-mind undressing me. I want to take care of you. Listen to Jack, okay?"

He looked into Jack's eyes, this time not like a puppy but like a lost little boy. He relented with a sigh, dropping his hands to his sides. Jack stripped and guided him into the shower. He adjusted the water to a nice, soothing warm and lathered up a sea-sponge with lavender soap, knowing it to be a relaxant and gently soaped up his charge from head to toe, rinsed him, then shampooed his hair with lavender shampoo. He quickly washed himself before guiding Kilgrave out to towel him dry.

As he put Kilgrave's socks on him Jack glanced up and caught a little smile on Kilgrave's face.

"Do you still?" Kilgrave asked.

"What?"

"Think I'm cute when you dress me?"

Jack pulled up his own trousers and buttoned his shirt. Recalling the promise he had made to himself earlier, he pulled Kilgrave to his feet. "Let me show instead of tell," he said. He gathered Kilgrave to him, held him for a moment with his eyes, savoring the moment. There was anticipation in Kilgrave's expression, and just a little fear. Well, let's see about getting rid of that fear, then.

Jack pulled him close, letting his lips brush Kilgrave's mouth lightly, giving him a chance to back away if he needed to. Kilgrave slipped his arms around Jack's neck. Jack let their lips touch, waited for a response before going further. Kilgrave sighed into his mouth. Jack tightened his embrace and murmured against Kilgrave's lips. "I'm going to kiss you now."

"I know," Kilgrave whispered.

"I'm kissing you,"

"Do," Kilgrave sighed.

"It's going to curl your toes," Jack warned.

"I hope so," Kilgrave breathed into Jack's mouth.

With that, Jack closed in, covering Kilgrave's mouth with his own, holding him still in his arms and savoring the closeness, committing the taste and texture of Kilgrave's lips to his memory. Kilgrave whimpered. Jack pulled him in closer still, his arms tightening around Kilgrave possessively before going further. Ever so slowly he deepened the kiss until he felt Kilgrave go soft and loose in his arms, then kissed him more deeply still. Kilgrave's arms tightened around Jack's neck even as his knees buckled. Jack pulled away so he could see the look on Kilgrave's face.

He looked delightfully befuddled and flushed the prettiest shade of pink, especially in the apples of his cheeks and his full and now swollen lips.

"How was it?" Jack asked.

"Mmmmm. Nice," Kilgrave buried his face in Jack's bare chest. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I've wanted you to kiss me for ever so long."

"I thought you might have, and I've wanted to kiss you, too, but I didn't want you to think I think you're a whore. I don't like it when you call yourself that."

"But I've been with so many," he said. He looked up at Jack, and the lost boy was back. "I–I'm not good enough for you. I'm used goods."

"I'll be the one that makes that decision," Jack scolded. "It's not like I'm exactly celibate, you know. Don't call yourself a whore anymore, Kilgrave. You may be surprised to learn I've been called a whore, too."

"You?"

"Yes, me," he said. "And anyway, sex is not enough for you and me. It has to be special. I think you think you're in love with me."

"I'm pretty sure I am," Kilgrave answered.

"Not like you're going to be," Jack said. "You've had enough of just being fucked. I'm going to court you. I'm going to sweep you off your feet. I'm going to not just make you feel loved, I'm going to make you know you're loved. Sex is just sex. I don't want that with you. I want to make love with you. That's going to take time. We need an actual relationship first."

"I don't understand," Kilgrave said, his eyes wide with confusion.

"In the simplest terms," Jack said, cuddling him close, "We can cuddle and kiss and spend lots of time together. I want to romance you, well and truly. Sex can wait."

"You're serious about this courtship thing?"

"Dead serious."

"Do I have to stop sleeping with you?"

"Only if that's what you want."

"No!" He wrapped his arms around Jack like a scared child. "I need to be with you!"

"That's fine," Jack said, rubbing his back. "More cuddle time, then. So..."

"So, what?"

"Did I curl your toes?"

"Might have done, might have done," Kilgrave smiled up at him. "Better try again, just to be sure."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Then I will," Jack said. He watched Kilgrave tip his face up for another kiss. And Jack gave him one: a sweet peck that promised more. "Later, when it can be done properly. And when you've had time to simmer a while. Romance, mister. Remember? I'm not rushing this. This is going to be a good old fashioned courtship. What I want to give you is love. Real, deep, honest love. Because you may have had tons of sex of every kind, but you've never had love. I get to be the first, and I'm going to do it right."

Kilgrave sighed. "Oh, my," he said. "Now, this is different."

"Yes, it is," Jack kissed his cheek. "But you still have to get me my coffee!" He gave Kilgrave a solid smack on the bottom.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Scaring me," Jack said. "Just because we're going to be lovers doesn't mean I won't spank your pretty little ass!"

"Oooo, fun times," Kilgrave giggled. "Come on then, I'll get your coffee and lunch."

"Don't be naughty or it might not be so much fun," Jack scolded, albeit with a half-grin on his face even as he raised a wagging finger in warning.

Kilgrave gave him a half-assed salute and suppressed a smile that only served to accentuate his dimples. He was enjoying it, the little shit. He was happy being told what to do. Jack had to wonder if this was due to Jack's conditioning, his upbringing or something buried deep in his nature. Well, there was plenty to talk about during their courtship, and mutual exploration of a lover was what courtship was all about, after all.

Maybe being told what to do made him feel safe. Maybe he felt that as long as he was following orders he didn't have to wonder if he was making a bad decision and straying down the wrong moral path.

Not that anyone could have blamed him if that was the case. That's what had landed him here as the property of one Jack Harkness after all. He'd not been taught ethics, not been given a moral compass. Jack rubbed his neck. That's what happens when children are given no boundaries, whether out of a parent's desire to spoil their child or out of downright neglect. In Kilgrave's case it was worse. His parents hadn't wanted him to have a moral compass. Anything but. The only worth they had seen in their son was as scientific merchandise and a sex toy they could sell for profit and kinky fun to break up the boredom of their pathetic lives. Possibly also to use him as a chess-piece with the rich and powerful. Perhaps they had planned on blackmailing some of the men they had pimped their son to.

Jack wondered if he would have taken Kilgrave on if he had known what he had been through as a child. He felt ashamed for even questioning himself about it. Inside the monster the raped child cried out to be rescued and had been answered with silence. With worse than silence, he had been told his only worth was as an experiment and a sex toy, a receptacle for semen. He was a thing to be used when it suited his abusers and ignored when they were done with him. Kilgrave only knew cruelty because he had only been taught cruelty. It made Jack feel guilty for even questioning himself if he would have taken Kilgrave on had he known, because it was possible he would have refused.

But no one had forced him to take on Kilgrave. The Doctor had explained the situation to Jack and asked for his help, and Jack and said yes. Was it a good decision? Well, that depended on your definition of the word 'good'. And hadn't he done good? Kilgrave had changed so much. Yes, he was riddled with self-doubt, but that was a good thing, all things considered. Yes, his self-esteem was reduced to next to nothing, but it needed to be, so that when it was rebuilt, it could be rebuilt on a healthy foundation. Jack had known he would have to break him in order to fix him, and he had. Maybe a little too much. But better that than to leave room for the monster to rear its head again.

He ascended the ladder; Kilgrave would have just about gotten his coffee and lunch ready by now. Jack could smell pizza. That was another thing. Kilgrave had stopped having conniption fits over his food so much. Oh, he still didn't actually enjoy it. In fact he just tolerated it. But Jack ordered it less and less now, mostly because of the way Kilgrave would look at him when he ate his pizza without complaint. Written all over his face: 'aren't you proud of me?' And in the long run the entire team benefited from it. The change in diet had proved good for them as they were eating healthier now.

Kilgrave announced on the PA it was lunch-time. Gwen and Ianto appeared, saying nothing of what they had been up to. Kilgrave plated everyone's pizza and poured mugs of coffee and tea, handing them out with a "Gwen, Ianto," and a smile. The formal titles were gone. They looked at each other and smiled.

And they couldn't help noticing that Jack and Kilgrave couldn't keep their eyes off each other. Ianto and Gwen often exchanged looks, suppressing grins. After they were done Ianto said "Kilgrave, I got us some chocolate cake for afters, but I left it in the conference room. Could you nip in there and get it?"

"Chocolate cake?" he said, grinning.

"He got strawberries to go on top, too," Gwen added.

When Kilgrave rose to fetch their goodies Ianto nudged Jack, and with a finger on his lips indicated with a nod of his head to follow Kilgrave. They quietly got up and went after him. When he opened the door to the conference room he just stood there for the longest time, as if he had opened a door to another dimension. It took a moment for him to realize the rest had followed him. Gwen placed a hand on his back and guided him into the room. The rest followed.

Inside tied to chairs were purple balloons of different sizes and shapes, some with happy messages on them, or little hearts or cartoon characters. On the table sat a bouquet of violets, purple Gerbera daisies, hyacinth, lavender, purple roses, purple tulips, carnations and iris. There were boxes of chocolates aas well as gift boxes and bags. The chocolate cake was there too, along with the strawberries. Ianto and Gwen flanked him and slipped their arms around his waste.

"We wanted to apologize for this morning," Gwen said.

"We never meant to make you uncomfortable," Ianto added.

Kilgrave gawped for a minute, then finally blurted "Blimey, you could have just said sorry!" He giggled. "Then again, if I get all this maybe you could hurt my feelings more often."

"Cheeky," Jack said. "That's very nice of you two," Jack said.

"Oh, I should say so!" Kilgrave said. He gave Ianto and Gwen each a hug. "Can I open my presents?"

"You're supposed to say thanks," Jack reprimanded.

"Oh, sorry, yes, thank you, thanks so much," Kilgrave blushed at his social blunder.

"Never-mind, and you're welcome," Ianto said. He went to the table and handed out the presents. "Of course you can have your gifts," he said, smiling.

Gwen had chosen a tie clip with a small, perfectly cut amethyst set on it. "For when those lovely suits come," she said. Her other gift was cologne. Very nice cologne. The kind most people can't afford. He dabbed some on the back of his hand, sniffed it and then had Jack give it a try.

"Nice,"Jack said. "You have to use that, it suits you, I like it very much."

His eyes sparkled at that. Gwen and Ianto looked at each other and Gwen mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Ianto for his advice.

Ianto's gift was a new pair of pajamas, velvet ones in a soft heather trimmed in silk lilac piping and some new boxers, the latter inspiring a deep blush. They were a pale orchid satin with the legs cut rather short.

"We know you like nice things," Ianto said. "You're getting new suits but no one thought of sleepwear or underpants."

"Are we forgiven?" Gwen asked.

Kilgrave nodded. "I really over-reacted," he said.

"No, no, you didn't," Ianto said. "We intruded on a private moment and spoiled it for you and it was wrong of us."

"We could have done things differently," Gwen said. "And we will, from now on."

"As long as we're on the subject," Ianto said, "I know you're aware that Jack and I are in a relationship."

Kilgrave's eyes dropped immediately.

"Hey, hey," Ianto put his arm around Kilgrave's shoulder. "It doesn't work like that. It's pretty clear to us that something has started with the two of you. He's not going to make you his bit on the side, you know. Jack isn't that kind of man."

Jack took him by the shoulders, turned him so they faced each other and said "No, Jack isn't." He pulled Kilgrave into a gentle hug. "I would never do that to you or to Ianto."

"Listen, Kilgrave," Ianto said. "Jack's heart doesn't work like that. He can love us both. If you can live with that, then so can I. So I guess what I'm saying is if you two are serious, you have my blessing."

Kilgrave continued to study his shoes a moment before gathering his courage to speak. At last he drew in a deep breath, exhaled, then forced himself to look at Ianto. "I wasn't sure," he said. I figured it would be just a side thing, you know? I mean, I think Jack does care about me, but I didn't think he could ever...I mean, I don't think I could ever be good enough to—"

"Oh, Jack, you've got your work cut out for you with this one, don't you?" Ianto said with a sad smile. "Kilgrave, I've got a newsflash for you. If you were worthless, Jack could never love you. I know him well enough to tell you that he does love you, so you can't be worthless, now, can you?"

Gwen had been busy slicing cake and topping the slices with strawberries. She handed Kilgrave his cake. "Look, sweetheart, I know this is difficult for you," she said. "But it's a unique situation. You're now in a relationship with a unique man, so of course it's not like any other. Jack has lived for hundreds of years. He's had many loves. If anyone knows how to handle multiple relationships, it's Jack Harkness. Neither you nor Ianto will be shortchanged. Trust me on this."

She handed Jack his cake. "If I hurt either of you," Jack told Kilgrave, "Gwen will cut off my balls and feed them to me." Jack grinned.

"So I will," she agreed, handing Ianto his cake.

Kilgrave laughed so hard tears spilled down his cheeks. But truthfully, the tears weren't only from humor. They were also from relief.

Ianto took a bite of his cake. "It's okay if you feel jealous sometimes," he said. "It's bound to happen. But don't ever think that Jack doesn't really love you. I know he really loves me, even if he never gave me a cute nickname. All I ever got was 'Yan'."

Kilgrave's brows drew down as he chewed, then swallowed. "You were jealous he called me Muffin?"

"A bit, yeah. Not to open a can of worms or anything, but it sort of suits you though," Ianto admitted. "You love muffins. And he had this look on his face. He liked calling you Muffin."

"He's here in the room and not a piece of furniture," Jack protested.

"Admit it, Jack, you loved calling him Muffin," Ianto said. "It made you happy."

Kilgrave looked at Jack. "Is that true? It made you happy?"

Jack blushed. He nodded, his fork-full of cake poised before his open mouth. A strawberry fell and plopped onto the floor. He put his cake down. "Muffins are sweet, and I like them, and you're so cute when you eat them, and I just...I..."

"Okay," Kilgrave nodded.

"Okay, what?"

"Okay," Kilgrave repeated. He took Jack's fork and shoved the cake into his mouth. "You can call me Muffin, then."

Jack gulped down his cake. "I can?"

"Yup." Kilgrave nodded, smiling, showing off those dimples.

Jack gave a single bark of joyful laughter before pulling Kilgrave in for a kiss. Which would have been terribly romantic if he hadn't forgotten there was cake between them. Which they both wore now. Ianto and Gwen laughed at them. They had cake on their shirts as well as a generous smear on their faces.

"Jack!" Kilgrave wailed.

"Oh, you two think it's funny, do you?" Jack said to Gwen and Ianto, who were both having a good laugh.

"Yeah," Gwen said. "We do, funny as hell!"

Kilgrave and Jack just looked at each other. As if they had read each others minds, they grabbed handfuls of chocolate cake. And that's how the Great Chocolate Cake Food Fight started.


	8. Chapter 8 - Unraveling the Cocoon

Chapter 8

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Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Unraveling the Cocoon

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 **A/N – Enjoy the calm before the storm. I still need a beta reader. I try to correct errors as I catch them but sometimes I don't spot them until the chapter is uploaded and I have to do an export and correct it post upload. So if anyone is willing to beta for me I would really appreciate it.**

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After their third shower for the day Jack finished tying Kilgrave's shoe. He usually held Kilgrave's foot in his lap while he tied his shoes, but this time he had decided to kneel to do it. Looking up into Kilgrave's eyes, he was glad he did. His eyes were sparkling and he had a glow about him.

Jack pulled him up and gave him a quick peck before letting Kilgrave help him dress. Once that was done Jack grabbed him and gave him another kiss, this one a little longer, but still given with tenderness and care.

"I don't think I've gone into a full-blown courtship since the '40s," Jack said. "I've forgotten how nice it can be. Slow and sweet. You look lovely like this, Kilgrave. I can tell you're enjoying it, but we've only just begun." He toyed with the little silver cocoon trinket on Kilgrave's collar, making it tinkle. Kilgrave wasn't about to emerge from his cocoon on his own. Jack was going to have to romance him out of it. He was going to have to unravel the silken prison so his Luna moth could be born and Kilgrave could be fully reborn. Kilgrave caught his hand as Jack toyed with the trinket.

"It was when I was sick," he said. "I had the most bizarre dream that you were holding me and stroking my back. When I was sick one of the most awful things was the way it made my back hurt, you see. And in the dream you were stroking my back and the pain was going away little by little, and you turned me to look in a mirror, and I'd grown these huge purple moth wings. And I remember in the dream you said, 'See, you have to believe in me.'" He gave Jack's hand a squeeze. "I guess it was a fever dream, but I thought the little charm had magical properties. That it would help me to change. It sort of stuck in the back of my mind, and now I just like the thought of it being special. My good luck charm given to me by my magical Jack."

"I think you've put me on a pedestal, but do carry on," Jack said, smiling. "The view is stunning from up here."

"I would love to," Kilgrave said. "But we've generated a lot of dirty laundry today and I need to get caught up. Besides, what we've got on our clothes is going to stain if I don't get to them pretty soon. And the chocolate cake is the least of it."

Jack sighed. "Yeah, and I need to get caught up with paperwork," Jack said. "Best get to it, then."

Gwen and Ianto had returned from going home to change into clean clothing and were back at work; they, too had fallen behind. Kilgrave had an enormous mess to clean up in the conference room. Although the entire team was responsible for it he didn't mind at all. The memory of it made him grin. Besides, it gave him something to do while the laundry was in the wash.

At day's end he packed up the leftover chocolate cake to send to Rhys. It had taken two washes and a lot of treating to get the weevil stains and smell out of their clothing and after cleaning up and such an emotional day Kilgrave was damned tired and ready to be with Jack. After Ianto and Gwen left for the night he stood and listened to the thrum of the machinery a moment and looked around the Hub. This place which had so frightened him at first, which he had considered a prison he now thought of as home and haven. He smiled to himself and went to Jack's office where he found his keeper still at work.

"Um, Jack, I have to pee," he said.

Jack had kept his iron rule about keeping tabs on how much Kilgrave ate and drank and how much his output was as well; part of his ongoing care. His catching that alien virus had made Jack paranoid about Kilgrave's health, so this part of his regimen went beyond discipline now. Maybe it was time to let go of that part, though.

"Go ahead," Jack said. "I think it's time you started going on your own."

Kilgrave shrugged. "Okay," he said and trotted off to the toilet.

A few minutes later he returned. "Jack, I can't."

"You can't what?"

"I can't pee. It won't come out."

"What do you mean it won't come out?"

"I need to, and I really tried, but it won't come out," he said worriedly.

"Well, try again, I'm busy."'

Kilgrave went back to the toilet. After a few moments Jack heard him call, "Ja-a-ack! It won't come out, it really is uncomfortable."

Jack sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do about it besides take Kilgrave in for medical care, but he got up to check on him anyway. When he stepped into the toilet, though, Kilgrave was able to pass urine. And boy had he really had to go. Kilgrave sighed with relief. Jack, however, felt anything but. Apparently he had over-conditioned Kilgrave, and now the poor bastard couldn't take a piss without Jack being with him.

"I think we have a little problem, Muffin," Jack said. "Let's go to bed and have a cuddle and a nice, long talk."

"What about your paperwork?" Kilgrave asked. "I can read on my cushion for a little while, I need to get caught up on my sex abuse survivor stuff. There's this chapter I'm on now called The Vampire Syndrome that says cases like mine are unusual, that sexually abused boys don't usually go on to become abusers but in some cases they do if the abuse was extreme."

"We can go over that tomorrow," Jack asserted. "I'm certainly open to discussing it with you when you're comfortable with it. But there's some other things I'd like to talk about tonight, okay?" Jack stood up and stretched, then opened his arms in invitation. Kilgrave accepted, stepping into the embrace and snuggling his face into Jack's shoulder, telegraphing the message he was in need of reassurance. Jack wanting to talk could be either good or bad, so he was unsure.

"Hey," Jack murmured against his temple. "Everything is going to be fine, okay? And you have some pretty new pajamas and underpants to show off to me, remember?"

Kilgrave blushed at that. But ever the strutting peacock, he grinned with delight. "I do, don't I? I like to look nice. Always did. I think it's because I grew up in a lab mostly wearing pajamas. But now I have someone special to look nice for."

"Come on, then, I can't wait to put them on you." Jack smacked his bottom. "By the way, my dressing you isn't going to go away any time soon. Not even after you don't need me to anymore. I like dressing you up. Making you pretty."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"If you call me Muffin, can I call you Captain sometimes? I like calling you Captain."

"Sure," Jack replied. He couldn't stop himself grinning. "You're cute when when you show me you like me being in charge." He took Kilgrave's hand and led him to their quarters.

When Jack slipped on his new underpants (and the short cut of the legs really showed off that gorgeous ass) Kilgrave suddenly blurted out "I really do, you know."

"You really do what?"

"Enjoy letting you know I like you being in charge sometimes," he admitted. "Spent too long having everything my way. Got boring. This is exciting for me. Didn't like admitting it to myself, but there, I said it. The rebellious act got old. Now I understand I was acting out. I was so controlled for so long that once I was free I went mad. I hated it when they did it because they didn't love me, but this is different. You love me, and that makes it nice. I don't feel controlled as such. Well, I do, but in a way that makes me feel protected. Like you want me to make better decisions. Not like you're doing it just to use me. Does that make sense?"

"It does, because that's my goal," Jack answered, buttoning up his new velvet pajamas. The color really did perfectly match his velvet collar. Jack flicked the little silver cocoon just to hear it chime. "But here's something else," he said letting Kilgrave undress him. "There's a new dynamic in play now. I need to be in charge for another reason now, a new reason: because our relationship is shifting. I think if it was up to you, we'd be having sex already, because that's how you understand love. And to be honest, I like being in charge. Not just of you. I'm just that kind of person. I've always risen in the ranks. I'm known to be an alpha male. I'm used to being heard and obeyed. There's that, and there's the fact that it makes me feel like I can better care for you and protect you. I said I'd be honest with you, even if it's in bits and pieces, so there's that."

Jack led him to the bed, climbed in, then held up the covers for Kilgrave to join him. "Come on," he said. "Time for cuddles and chat. We're just now really getting to know each other, Muffin. There's some things I'd like to talk over with you while we snuggle."

"Read me my book after?" Kilgrave asked, grabbing his copy of The Velveteen Rabbit.

Jack pulled him close and settled Kilgrave's head in the hollow of his shoulder, combing his fingers through the soft, thick brown hair. "I'd love to," he said, kissing Kilgrave's forehead. "Let's start with why you couldn't pee without me being in the toilet," Jack started.

"I have that already figured out." Kilgrave said. "It was part of my conditioning and my care. I know how we can reverse it, too."

"Oh?"

"The old hand in a bowl of warm water trick should do it," Kilgrave said. "You can stand just outside the toilet when I do it, and if it works, then little by little you move further and further away."

"Clever boy," Jack said, continuing to comb his fingers through Kilgrave's hair, noticing how it made him relax more and more. "Is it okay if we talk about your childhood for just a bit? I know it makes you uncomfortable, and I won't go too far into it, just something I was wondering about just now."

"I guess so," he answered. Jack felt him tense up in his arms, an indication of how controlled Kilgrave's childhood must have been. All these years later and the terror was still there and deeply rooted.

"When you were little did anyone ever just cuddle you? Not in a sexual way, just hold you and cuddle you?"

He shut his eyes tightly and frowned. The struggle to control his emotions was plain on his face. Jack stroked his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss. "I think you just answered that question for me, didn't you?"

Kilgrave nodded.

"It's been hard on you, I know," Jack said. "I've heard you recite why I've had to do the things I've done, but I'd love it if you'd just talk to me about it in your own words when you can. How you feel about it. I want to know what's in your heart. When you really love someone, you care enough to listen. I want to listen when you feel ready to talk. I won't make you do it, though. It's important that you feel like you control that part of of sharing. I'll never use force on you or intimidate you, not where our relationship is concerned. But you need to understand that I still have to be responsible for your behavior and I still have a lot to teach you."

"I do understand, Jack, I'm fucked up, that doesn't mean I'm thick." Kilgrave gave him a saucy grin.

"You're being sassy, aren't you?" Jack grinned back at him.

"Could be," Kilgrave smirked.

"What exactly are you trying to say by doing that, Mister Smarty Pants?"

"I'm saying that where our courtship is concerned, I like what you said about not intimidating me or forcing me to do anything," he grinned wickedly up at Jack and suddenly nipped his shoulder. "But I'm also saying don't use kid gloves. I'm not glass, Captain. I won't shatter if you want to take charge."

Jack rolled onto his side and took him in a firm embrace. "And I will be in charge," he said. "You're still mine. Still my property. But we're going to have to compartmentalize our relationship. You want me in charge of the romantic part? Well, I have news for you, there was never any question about that. I am in charge of it, because you've never really had a real relationship before. I've had lots. And just so you know, you can save the love bites for much, much later. I know manipulation when I see it. Try to push me into having sex before I think you're ready will only delay it all that much longer, and it might earn you a spanking, and not the fun kind, either."

That got him the pout he fully expected, and in truth anticipated, because now he got to kiss the pout away. He gently used his lips on Kilgrave's cheeks, ears and lips, stroking his sides and his face with tenderness. He knew the man would be simmering, and that was part of of the thrill. Build him up, then cool him down. And in between, lots of cuddles and lots of getting to know each other better.

When Kilgrave arched his body into Jack's, he knew it was time to cool him down. He pulled away, petting Kilgrave's flushed face with the backs of his fingers. When he finally did take Kilgrave, the man was going to erupt like a volcano. Jack intended fully to make it unforgettable. Kilgrave may have had more partners than he could count, but by the time Jack was done with him, there would be only one he would would truly remember.

Once Kilgrave's panting had subsided Jack knew it was time to give him the gift he had ordered to make up for embarrassing him that morning. He slipped his hand under his pillow and brought out a small satin bag.

"This is to say I'm sorry for this morning," he said. "But it's also a promise. Once you see it, you'll understand."

Kilgrave sat up in the bed and accepted the small bag. He smiled, not failing to notice the color of the fabric was predictably a rich purple. He opened the drawstring and let the contents slip into his open palm. It was a small oval gold charm. Engraved on it was a Luna moth, wings unfurled and in flight. The eye was a small amethyst.

"I wanted to have one cast, but there wasn't time. As it was I had a heck of a time finding someone to do this. Luckily they had a charm with an amethyst on it already, so they just had to engrave the Luna moth on it. It's for your collar," Jack said. "You understand what I'm trying to say, don't you?"

Kilgrave looked into his eyes for a few moments. There seemed to be some sort of war going on in his heart.

"Please say this doesn't mean you're going to let me go one day," he swallowed hard. "Don't abandon me, Jack. Not you, too."

Jack sat bolt upright, taken aback by his response. He hadn't imagined Kilgrave would take it that way. "Oh, God no!" He grabbed Kilgrave and hugged him until he grunted. "I don't mean it that way at all, no, no."

"Then this is a promise you'll keep working on making me better? Until I'm reborn?"

Jack kissed his cheek. "Now you got it," he said.

Kilgrave threw his arms around Jack in a near strangling hug. "Scared me for just a tick," he said, doing his best to hide the fact that he was sniffling.

Jack held him at arm's length and thumbed away a stray tear. "Don't ever think that again." he scolded. "You. Are. Mine. Mine. For keeps. You promised not to let go of my hand, remember?"

"I'll keep that promise, too," Kilgrave said. He leaned forward and gave Jack a peck on the lips. "I love it. It's a beautiful token and a beautiful promise. You give me hope, Captain Jack Harkness." He pulled away and held his hand out, palm up, offering the charm to Jack. "Put it on my collar?"

"Gladly,"Jack said, taking the charm and fastening it to the ring on the velvet collar. "That's three charms on there now, the cocoon bell, the tag that says you're my property and now the promise one. They look very pretty on you."

Kilgrave's hand went to his throat and he toyed with his charms, smiling. He gave Jack another peck on the lips. "I love it. Thank you so much. I can't wait to show it off tomorrow. But I'm really sleepy; it's been a day and a half. Read me my story now? I'm tired. I want cuddles and my story."

Jack wrapped one arm around him and pulled him close, grabbing The Velveteen Rabbit with his free hand. "You got it, Muffin," he said. "Tomorrow's another day, yeah?"

Kilgrave settled his head on Jack's shoulder. "Yeah," he said, then yawned fit to split his head. He was asleep before Jack was halfway through the story.

The next few weeks Jack let things settle a while. Kilgrave's suits arrived, so now it took a little extra time every morning to dress him, but he had to admit to himself he loved it. They took their breakfasts a little earlier now in order to enjoy a little alone time. Jack had thought it through; it was a perfect time for a good make-out session. There could be no temptation to let things go too far since the team would soon be showing up. Jack would bring Kilgrave to a slow simmer and keep him there until the last moment when they absolutely had to get dressed. At that time he would lead a frustrated and usually panting Kilgrave to their quarters and he would choose a suit, shirt, waistcoat and tie and dress Kilgrave, then sit back and enjoy watching him preen in front of the mirror smiling broadly.

Part of Kilgrave's new duties was helping Jack file paperwork, answering his phone and taking low security level messages. These were done earlier in the day. Around ten o'clock he would have a cup of coffee with Jack, then Jack would dress him for his chores. Around two o'clock in the afternoon he would be done with his chores and need to be changed back into his suit. It was time consuming, but Jack had to admit to himself he enjoyed the extra opportunities to undress and dress his pet and kiss him to the boiling point while doing so.

Just shy of two weeks after the new duties had begun Ianto joined Jack in his office while Kilgrave was off doing chores. He came in grinning. "How's the potty training going?"

"Not funny, Ianto," Jack scowled. "And I swear if you say anything like that in front of him..."

"Tetchy. I would never. But how is it going?"

"Pretty well," Jack replied, setting aside a file. "Slow going. I didn't condition him that way overnight and it won't get fixed overnight."

"How about breaking him from sitting on the floor?"

"That one is tougher," Jack sighed. "The position and the cushions make him feel safe. I might have to just take the cushion away and force him to sit on the sofa. He won't like it, but eventually he'll settle in. He's better at it when he's in a suit. He doesn't want to spoil them. Even then he gets anxious, though, and I have to put the cushion on the sofa."

"How do I say this next thing without sounding petty. Or pervy, even," Ianto scratched his ear. "Have you ever wondered what he does when you and I are having sex in our little hide-away under the stairs?"

"Can't say I have," Jack looked at Ianto, his eyes shining with mischief and more than a little lust.

"I think maybe he's been watching." Ianto grinned, blushing. "I found a spot just where you can see down into the stairwell. There's a blanket to sit on and a few tea cups left up there. And a box of tissues. Looks like he's been doing it a few weeks."

"Well, that little shit!"

"Now, Jack, don't get too angry with him," Ianto said. "He's been here nearly a year and he's not had sex, he sleeps with you, he has very little privacy. He needs an outlet of some kind. And besides. I think maybe he might be, well, doing it for educational purposes as well. He doesn't know how normal people carry on a sexual relationship. For him it's always been about using or being used."

"That still doesn't give him the right to spy on us," Jack said.

"Oh, be fair, Jack, we're doing it under a staircase, he probably saw it by accident the first time. Admit it, part of the thrill of doing it in the Hub is the possibility of getting caught. We have sex in my apartment, we have sex in the car, we don't have to have sex under the stairwell. Don't be such a hypocrite."

Jack tented his fingers and smiled at Ianto. "Yeah, you know, you're right. Be careful what you wish for and all that. We kind of wanted to get caught, and we did."

Ianto moved closer. "Bit of a turn-on, actually."

"More than a bit," Jack stood up and stepped around his desk and gave Ianto a kiss.

"So," Ianto whispered, "Want to go give him something to look at, then?"

They rushed out of Jack's office, checked on Gwen's whereabouts and sent her off on a wild goose chase after a non existent weevil case, then went to their spot under the staircase. In the middle of stripping each other Ianto glanced up and whispered in Jack's ear, "There, you can just see his legs dangling."

They finished undressing and Ianto dropped to his knees, making sure he was at an angle to give Kilgrave a good view. The exhibitionism in the both of them made itself known. The pleasure they both got out of it was intensified and Jack finished quicker than he meant to. It was Ianto's turn next, and Ianto showed the same passion and the same lack of control. Not satisfied, Jack fucked Ianto against the wall, moving them further into the light so Kilgrave got a good look. Even with all the fiery passion, they both made sure to show affection and care to each other. If it was instruction Kilgrave needed, then they would provide it. They ended their session with cuddles and kisses before dressing, then went back to the Hub.

"Now let's sneak up there," Jack said. "I want to see what he does after."

"If he's having a wank, you mean," Ianto grinned.

Jack only returned his grin and they slipped up the stairs. Being as familiar as they were with the place they moved quietly enough to be sure they weren't heard. They found him with is back against a strut, his face buried in his arms, quietly weeping. They stood, still and silent, not wanting to be found out. Not only that, neither of them could have moved had they wanted to.

This wasn't what they had expected. Finally he tipped his head back and wiped his eyes. He nodded to himself. "I'm going to be worthy of your love some day, Jack Harkness," he said to himself. "I have to be. Because, oh, when you kiss me, it's everything I can do not so come in my pants. The first time has to be when you want it, they way you want it. I want it to be everything you want in me. Oh, God, how am I ever going to be good enough? How am I ever going to give you love like Ianto does? I am so fucked up! But I want you, Jack. I love you and I want you so, so much."

He slid his hand down to his crotch and gave it a squeeze, opened his fly and pulled himself out. There was a box of tissues nearby. He grabbed a couple as he wrapped his hand around himself. He spilled immediately, then continued stroking himself, slipping the first two fingers of is free hand into his mouth, he sucked on them sensually.

He undid his trousers and slipped them down around his ankles. Adjusting his position with his usual artless grace, he wet his fingers and slipped them inside himself as he continued to stroke himself. And bang, bang, bang bang, again and again and again he went over the edge rapid-fire. His ramped up sexuality gave him no choice, his body commanded and he must obey it. Over and over again his body arched in ecstasy. Even after he had stopped stroking himself and just used his fingers to penetrate himself, wave after wave hit him again and again with no other stimulation. And every time he called out Jack's name in a low moan.

He stopped not, it seemed, because he was satisfied, but because of the time. He checked his watch and with a muttered "Shit," he cleaned himself up, pulled up his jeans and zipped up. He sat still for a moment looking distressed and suddenly burst into tears. "He's going to think I'm a whore, I just know it," he sobbed. "Oh, Jack, what am I going to do?"

Jack wanted so badly to go to him. Sensing this, Ianto tugged at Jack's hand, a finger to his lips. They slipped away silently, leaving Kilgrave alone to cry himself out.

Back in Jack's office, Ianto said, "Well, that didn't go as I thought it might. At one time I thought I might have some jealousy problems. But right now all I can think is 'poor little bastard'. Maybe you need to step up the romance, Jack. Be more intimate. Talk more. Make him understand he can trust you. And he's clearly making comparisons. You have to make him understand that no two relationships are alike."

"I know," Jack said. "He's so insecure about his hyper-sexuality."

"Yeah," Ianto gave a half-chuckle. "That was kind of amazing, actually. How are you going to keep up?"

"You 21st century people, you're so uneducated about hyper-sexuality." Jack smirked. "We aren't the only species out there, Ianto. There are species out there that are just as hyper-sexual as he is, and I have experience. And in case you've forgotten, I'm a bit hyper-sexual, myself. Hyper-sexual beings can have very satisfactory relationships with regular people if they're handled with care by lovers who educate themselves. Believe it or not, it's the emotional side that's tricky. The rest is all in the timing."

"Good to know," Ianto said. "It's just that he was so sad and he's so afraid. But he was...I don't know. Kind of beautiful. So much yearning in him."

Jack held his head in his hands a moment. When he raised his head, there was a slightly dreamy look in his eyes. "He was, wasn't he? Sad and beautiful and sexy all at once. But don't concern yourself, I'll sort this out." He pressed a button on his wrist-comp. "Kilgrave, could you bring some coffee to my office? You, me and Ianto, a nice little coffee break, yeah?"

"You aren't going to confront him, are you?" Ianto asked, a note of alarm in his voice.

"No, I'm going to try something else," Jack said.

A few minutes later Kilgrave came in with a tray of mugs and handed them out. He had placed Jack's mug on his desk and stood nearby, holding his own while Ianto sat on the sofa. Jack patted the desk. "Sit," he said.

Kilgrave placed his mug near Jack's, then sat on the edge of Jack's desk.

"That doesn't look very comfortable," Jack said. "I have a lap, if you'd like you use it."

Kilgrave glanced warily at Ianto, and it clicked into place for Ianto what Jack was doing. "It's all right, Kilgrave, I don't mind," he said. "I know Jack loves me, but he loves you too. But his feelings for you are a little different."

Kilgrave had the confused puppy look on his face. "Look, it's like this," Jack said. "I'll just go ahead and say it. Sometimes I have to be a little harsh with you, and I've had to do it front of my people. So why can't I be gentle with you in front of them, too? This is part of helping you change, too.

"You're in control with this, though. I won't make you. But I'd like you to know you have a place right here," he patted his knee. "I'm just dying to share it with you. I want to show you love. And I want to do it right now, right here, in front of Ianto, just so you know I love you, and I'm not ashamed to show it in front of Ianto or anyone else."

Kilgrave edged a little closer, still keeping an eye on Ianto.

"It's okay," Ianto smiled at him. "Lucky, I don't get to sit in his lap."

Kilgrave looked at Jack, edged a little closer, wary as a feral kitten. Jack opened his arms. Silently Kilgrave slipped from the desk and onto Jack's lap. Jack gently embraced him, just enough so he felt he could get up if he wanted. He stroked Kilgrave's back with gentle touches. Kilgrave wriggled a little, adjusting to a comfortable position, finally leaning against Jack, and with a long exhalation of breath, Jack felt his muscles loosen.

"There you go," Jack murmured. "Thank you, Muffin. It means a lot to me for you to do this. You have so much to give, but I won't take anything you aren't comfortable giving. That doesn't mean I can't handle everything you have to give me. Trust me, I can. I've lived a very long time. I've loved so many, and I've loved so much, and I only keep learning to love more, not less. You see, you have a lot to teach me, too."

"It's so confusing," Kilgrave moaned. "With me it was always all taking or all being taken. It's a bit frightening, doing both."

"Love can be a little scary," Jack said. "Even with my experience, I know there are risks. I worry about hurting you or Ianto, and don't think for a minute I'm immune. I can be hurt, too. But I'll do my best not to hurt either of you, and if I fuck up, I'll do my best to make it up. To you or to Ianto."

Kilgrave snuggled into him. "This is nice," he said. "This is better than my cushion."

"Oh, really?" Jack said, grinning. "Can we work out a deal, then? The cushion stays on the sofa and you get to sit in my lap for coffee breaks every day."

Kilgrave drew back and looked Jack in the eye for quite a while. Good God, but he really had grown attached to that damned cushion. After a bit a slow grin grew on his face. "Deal."

Ianto smiled. Jack really was clever. Letting Kilgrave learn to make small decisions on his own hadn't occurred to him as part of Kilgrave's rehabilitation, but thinking on it, it really needed to be done. Kilgrave in all probability would never be able to be on his own. He was just too fucked up.

But some quality of life was needed. They had taught him to make no decisions on his own. For good reason, yes, and Ianto couldn't foresee Kilgrave getting anywhere near being independent in the near future, if ever. He had done too much damage, and had been too damaged, himself.

But little by little, they could let him grow into himself. The image of the Luna moth clicked home in Ianto's mind. Jack would see Kilgrave reborn. But he would always need to be watched. Because this Luna moth had been known to bite. A good thing, then, that Kilgrave had Jack and the rest of them to look after him. It saddened Ianto to acknowledge that Kilgrave would never know his own independence, but the man was like a wolf from a zoo. You couldn't just let him loose in a pack of natural wolves and not expect disaster. No, he would always have to be kept and tended and minded. But Ianto knew that Torchwood could help him build a useful life, and with Jack, he could even have love.

On impulse, Ianto said "So, Kilgrave, when are you two going to actually go out on a date? Jack and I do it all the time. It's nice."

Jack glared at him. Kilgrave just shook his head 'no'.

"Too people-y out there," he replied. "Already said that."

"Don't rush him, Ianto," Jack said, kissing Kilgrave's temple. "When he's ready, we can go out on dates. And after we've had a few, then I can take him out dancing. And then it gets really romantic." Jack let his voice drop an octave, and he said, low and gravelly, "And when the time is right, and the romance is just...so...well, we'll see what happens when we get to that level."

Ianto saw Kilgrave's ears practically prick up. He suppressed a grin. Jack knew exactly what he was doing.

Kilgrave looked at Jack for a long time, then said, "Where would we go first?"

"Oh, some place easy, and for a short time so you wouldn't be too uncomfortable. Maybe out for a coffee and a pastry or a glass of wine, then right back home before it got to be too much for you."

Another long silence. Then he snuggled back into Jack. "Okay, I'll think about doing it soon, then."

Jack smiled at Ianto over Kilgrave's shoulder and behind his back, gave Ianto a thumbs up.


	9. Chapter 9 - The Struggle to Emerge

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Chapter 9

The Struggle to Emerge

He paced nervously about the kitchen area wiping up non-existent smudges and chewing his bottom lip. Martha Jones should be here any time to give him his yearly physical. He had only heard her and Jack talking on the phone or computer and was pretty sure she had no use for him. Wanted nothing to do with him. Not that he could blame her. He sighed. He had earned this kind of disgust from his fellow human beings.

He knew he had no right to complain or even to feel sorry for himself. He just wished he could show Martha how hard he was trying to change. After all, she was Jack's friend and this was bound to cause Jack discomfort. Not only that, he didn't like the idea that he might frighten Martha because of the things he had done. He wanted to go to the room he shared with Jack, to crawl into the bed he shared with Jack and hide under the covers. For the first time in a long while he wanted to put his handcuff back on. He craved the security it had given him.

And then there was this whole new thing he'd been experiencing: healthy shame. He had known toxic shame, shame for things he wasn't responsible for. That had eaten away at him, and he knew he was fucked up in the head anyway. But he'd been trying to better himself. And part of that was claiming the wrongs he had done, and with that came something he'd not known much of in his fucked up life. Shame. Real, honest, healthy shame. Shame he deserved and shame that was well earned.

He heard the crackle of the speakers, and Ianto announced "Martha is here, everyone!" He sounded happy.

Kilgrave felt his heart leap into his throat. Myfanwy's nest! He would go and hide up there and maybe they would give up looking for him and postpone the exam. He knew this was irrational and just his panic talking, but his feet didn't listen to reason and he bolted to the stairway.

Only to have Jack grab him from behind around the waist and pull him back down. "Oh, no you don't," Jack scolded. "Stop being so childish. Martha won't bite."

"Jack, please, she doesn't like me, you know she doesn't, I don't blame her, but really, can't we do this later?"

"No, it can't wait, Martha came all the way here from London. Now stop acting like a child and let's get you looked after."

"Come with me!" Kilgrave said, in full panic mode now.

"What on earth is this really about?" Jack asked. He turned Kilgrave and made him look at him. "This is about more than just Martha, isn't it?"

Kilgrave looked at his shoes and said nothing.

"Right, well, I won't force you to tell me. But if you want to, I won't judge you. You should know that." Jack stroked his face. "There you are with those big, brown puppy dog eyes. I'm sorry, Muffin, but you need a yearly, just like the rest of us."

They heard the big cog turning as Martha came in escorted by Ianto. Gwen came in to greet her with a warm hug. Jack took Kilgrave's hand and practically dragged him over to where they were.

"Nightingale!" he said, smiling. He opened his arms and she embraced him, kissing his cheek.

"Good to see you all again," she said. She looked at Kilgrave and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Dr. Jones, Martha to my friends."

Kilgrave stared at his shoes until Jack nudged him. "Hey, speak to her, I said she won't bite!"

Kilgrave tore his eyes from his shoes and forced himself to look at her. Her face seemed unreadable to him. She continued to hold out her hand in greeting.

He really wasn't sure how what happened next happened. It just did. He took her hand and shook it. He opened his mouth to say "I'm Kilgrave." Instead, what came out was "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I really am, please don't be afraid of me, please don't hate me, I'm trying really very properly hard to be better, I really am!" His voice sounded thick in his ears, near tears.

"You're trembling all over," Martha said. "Now, I can't do a proper exam when you're this upset. You're my patient, it's not my job to judge you." She led him to a nearby table and had him sit. "Let's you and I have a nice cup of tea, yeah? You just sit there and I'll make the tea, I know my way around."

Jack patted his shoulder. "It'll be fine," he said. "You'll see." He rose to help Martha get their beverages, returning with a tray holding three mugs, a sugar bowl and a small carton of milk. He plunked Kilgrave's tea down in front of him, but Kilgrave made no move to prepare his cup. Jack waited a few moments, then made Kilgrave's tea ready for him.

Kilgrave stared into his cup, trying to find shapes in the billowing clouds of milk. The shapes of the milk-clouds all looked ominous. He tried to pick up his cup, but his hand shook too hard and he spilled tea.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I'll just clean this up," he said, his words coming out in a shaky rush.

"No, sit," Jack said. He reached behind himself, grabbed a paper towel and mopped up the tea. He covered Kilgrave's shaking hand with his larger one, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Martha caught Jack's eye and gave him a questioning look. Jack just gave her a nod. She pressed her lips together. Jack scowled at her.

"A word with you, Martha?" Jack said, his voice a bit too calm and even. Kilgrave looked up at that. Jack looked at him and gave his hand another squeeze. "I want you to try to calm down," he said. "Just take some deep breaths. Trust me, okay? Everything will be fine. I'm just going to get your files and do a quick once over with Martha before you get started. I want to brag on your progress. Now you just sit here, okay? No sneaking off! I'll be disappointed and angry with you if you try that again. Okay?"

"Okay," Kilgrave replied, nodding. He squeezed Jack's hand back. "Promise. I'll be right here. Jack stood and waited for Martha to rise. He gave Kilgrave a kiss on the cheek, then indicated with a jerk of his head for Martha to follow him to his office.

Once in his office, Jack pulled up Kilgrave's files on his laptop and turned it so Martha could see his progress. "You would know this if you hadn't been avoiding talking to me, which is what you've been doing ever since I took him on," Jack said. "You aren't here to just take blood samples, you know. He's made tremendous progress. I'm very proud of what we've accomplished. He is now capable of remorse, empathy and deep regret. He's also capable of love, but he's only just learning how to do that. And here's why."

He reached over and clicked to the next set of files.

"You want to watch a little kiddie porn, Martha? He made a ton of money for those bastards. Must be the good stuff, yeah? Did you know that until he came here no one ever touched him, hugged him or kissed him for any reasons other than to experiment on him or have sex with him in his whole life? I'm not made of stone! So yes, we've grown very close. He needs to be punished for what he's done, yes. But he's changed, Martha. He's not even the same person he was, really. I had to break him down. Get him back to as close to the child he was as I could so he could grow into himself, be a better person. He's still very fucked up, and still damned fragile. There's a side to him you don't know. We've grown to care about him. To love him even. And yes, in my case I mean that in every way. I'm in love with him. And he loves me. But it's complicated."

He reached over and clicked to the next set of files, the ones that had reported IGN had conditioned Kilgrave from childhood to be attracted to Jack, and how they planned to seduce Jack into their service and use him as a shield to protect them from Kilgrave as well as to control him.

"I haven't told him about that last part yet. I need him to love me. To really love me. And I'm going to have to get the Doctor to have a look in his head to see if he can minimize what they've done, or if maybe by establishing a real relationship I can destroy the conditioning myself. Once the two of us are in a rock solid relationship where his faith in me is unshakable, I'm going to take him with me and we're going to find out what they're up to. And we're going to stop whatever it is, and we're going to end them for good. So if you'd just cut the bullshit and not pass judgment on our relationship, that would be nice.

Martha clicked back to a previous file and scanned through it again. "So do you think they made him hyper-sexual to match your sex drive?" she asked.

"That's what it looks like. Like they were tailor-making me a sex partner from early childhood. Poor bastard. And don't ask if we're matched in sex drive or not, I don't know yet. He needs love first. God knows he's been fucked plenty."

"So you two haven't..."

"Not yet. I want to romance him, Martha. And I have been." Jack's expression softened. "I've only got him to where he'll go out for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine a few times. I have to reward him with affection," he continued, his voice low. "How sad is it that he's so starved for love that I can use it to bribe him into practicing positive behavior? So don't be surprised when you see me giving him hugs and kisses. He practically glows in the dark when he's given real affection, whether it's from me or anyone else, as long as they really mean it. Give him a chance, Martha. The Doctor gave me one and look at me."

"Right, then," she said. "Let's get back out there to him. But promise me you will get the Doctor to look into his mind soon. And Jack, you have to tell him. He needs to know about the conditioning."

"I'm planning on telling him," he assured her. "And very soon. The time is almost right. If I can get him to actually go out with me on a few real dates, I'll know he's given himself to me completely. I'll know what he feels is real love. Then I can tell him."

"I'll have to leave that to you," she said. "But get a hold of the Doctor. Soon, I mean it!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" he said, smiling and giving her a salute.

He was sitting at the table in more or less a dissociated state, still staring into his tea. Jack gave him a kiss on the top of the head. That seemed to snap him out of it. Martha caught the flash of a smile from him before he noticed her again and sort of folded up into himself.

"Now, what can I do to make you feel calmer?" she asked. "I'm not going to experiment on you, you know."

His head snapped up at that. The panic in his eyes really showed then.

"Oh, my God, that's it, isn't it?" Martha asked. "I remind you of being in a lab!"

He stared into his tea again and nodded silently.

"Kilgrave, you're my patient, not my subject," Martha assured him. "Look, I'll even leave off my lab coat if it will make it easier for you. It's just a yearly physical. Nothing more. Ianto and Gwen has to have one as well."

"Can they have theirs first?" he asked.

"They've already had theirs for the year," Martha said. "Ianto gets his next one in one month. Gwen gets hers in three weeks."

"So let them get them a little early," Jack suggested.

She shrugged. "See if it's all right with them, if it is, then fine."

And it was fine. Exam time gave Martha an excuse to catch up on a little gossip and to get filled in a little more about Kilgrave's experiences since becoming Jack's ward. By the time she was done with Gwen and Ianto she was ready for a break and went to get a cup of tea.

She stifled a giggle as she found Jack and Kilgrave cuddling together on the ratty old sofa outside of Jack's office. Kilgrave didn't look nervous anymore. He looked...well, like he'd just been well and truly kissed within an inch of losing all dignity. His face was flushed pink, his lips were swollen and his eyes positively dazed-looking. Jack just looked rather smug. But even he had a bit of a glow about him. Yep, the man was in love all right.

"You poor thing," she said. "Jack, I'm meant to be giving him his yearly! Now I have to let him settle down first."

Kilgrave hid his face in Jack's chest. "It's okay," he said gently. "Martha knows about us. She's very understanding. Come on, let's have lunch and then you can have your exam, okay? You can make us some of those nice pan seared scallops you do so well. I had Ianto pick some up this morning so they're nice and fresh. Salad is in the fridge already."

They all sat in the kitchen area while Kilgrave cooked their scallops. The sumptuous smell filled the Hub, causing Myfanwy to squawk.

"Hush, you!" Kilgrave looked up and called to her. To Martha's surprise, the pterodactyl obeyed.

"She's become Kilgrave's pet," Jack explained. "I honestly never thought I'd see the day, but I think she'd hurt someone protecting him."

"Like I said," Kilgrave said. "She doesn't mind I'm a monster. She doesn't judge me. And I don't judge her. Same with the weevils."

"It's true," Jack said. "The weevils do really well with him. At least when he's not upset. Then they tend to go ape shit."

Martha watched Kilgrave carefully and skilfully plate their food and serve them. He seemed pleased to be making himself helpful and moved about the little kitchen with practiced grace. She was struck with the notion that the Hub was his comfort zone and taking care of the team had become a source of fulfillment for him.

She noticed the dishes at Torchwood had been upgraded significantly and wondered if Jack had done it to please Kilgrave. He was known to have fine tastes, and if he was to be serving here, she thought Jack might want to sweeten his servitude by giving him nice things to do his job with. He poured them all a glass of wine before taking his seat next to Jack and glanced around, making sure everyone was pleased with their dish. Satisfied that he'd done a good job, he picked up his fork and joined the meal.

After tidying up Kilgrave and Jack led the way to the autopsy room where Kilgrave would be getting is physical. Martha watched with amusement as Jack removed his shirt. She quirked an eyebrow at them.

"It started out as part of my discipline," Kilgrave explained. "I had to be dependent and in the care of others for everything. No decisions on my own. Not even the small decisions. I'm growing into myself. I think now Jack just likes dressing me and undressing me. I don't mind, really."

"That's plenty of information, thanks," She snickered. Kilgrave blushed. "Let's just get your vitals and some blood and urine," Martha said. "Then I'll check your eyes and ears, all the boring stuff. Just like everyone else, see?"

"Do us a favor, will you?" Jack asked. "Could you see if there's anything unusual that would make him crave purple foods? He says it's psychological, but you never know."

Kilgrave rolled his eyes. "Well, Jack could have a point, your metabolism is a bit different, we have to take that into account. Maybe it's a nutritional need."

Kilgrave shrugged. "I guess we'll find out."

"I might have to ask the Doctor for help with some of the analysis of your blood-work and such," Martha said. "You are out of the average spectrum, and our equipment might not pick up everything we need to know. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, the medicine he gave me for that alien virus really helped, and he's Jack's friend, besides." Kilgrave looked at Jack. "I've been wanting to ask anyway. Could he come and check my progress? If he does I hope he's pleased."

Martha couldn't help noticing the puppy dog eyes. No wonder Jack had fallen for him. He looked so much like the Tenth incarnation of the Doctor anyway. Speaking of which...

"Oh, and Jack, purple converse? Really?" she said. She handed Kilgrave a cup to give her a urine sample in.

Kilgrave chuckled. "Jack finally confessed his thing about that to me. I'll admit to being jealous at first, but what's the point in that? He likes them on me. I'll wear them. Anyway, they're comfy, and I do like them now."

Martha did all the usual things, taking his pulse, blood pressure, recording his weight, palpating his abdomen. All the while she chatted with him, taking note that he grew more at ease with her. Jack was right. He responded well to positive reinforcement. She decided to take a deeper interest in him. From the sound of things he had been hard to break at first, but now he seemed tractable, at least with Jack around. "Well, then," she said. Almost done. Let's just draw a little blood and we can call it a day."

His cooperation was complete, immediate and relaxed. As Martha prepared her vials and other equipment she stole a look at Jack and read pride in Kilgrave in his body language and face. "Jack showed me a few of your files," she said. "The two of you have worked so hard. You really have made a lot of progress. You were very stubborn at first."

Kilgrave gave her a self-effacing grin. "I was quite arrogant," he said. "Needed taking down more than a peg or two."

"True, but a belt, Jack?" Her eyebrow rose as she looked at her friend.

"I deserved it,"Kilgrave interrupted. "You don't understand. You weren't here when I tried to sabotage the vortex manipulator to create an emergency so I could attempt an escape. Or when I set fire in one of the rubbish bins. Or any number of other things I did that earned me a belt across my arse. It's a wonder Jack didn't use his fists on me instead. I needed the discipline. I still need it. I need to be punished for what I've done. I need to live a life in service to my fellow human beings and Jack is going to show me how to do that."

He looked at Jack and smiled, held out his free hand. Jack took it and gave it a squeeze, then raised it to his lips and kissed Kilgrave's knuckles.

"I had to be broken, Martha," Kilgrave said. "If Jack didn't break me first, then how else could he mend me? I'm still mending. I'll probably have to do it the rest of my life, and even then, it won't be enough. How can it ever be enough? It can never be enough."

"Well, you have Jack to help you, Kilgrave," Martha said. "I've known him for a long time. And just so you know, I can tell you he really loves you a lot. He's told me he's really enjoying his romancing you. He wouldn't be that patient with just anyone, you know."

Kilgrave looked at Jack again. This time Martha could only have described his expression as worshipful. "So tell me about some of your dates!" she prodded. She finished drawing his blood and put a plaster on his arm.

"Well, we haven't...that is I haven't..." Running out of words, he stared at his Converse.

"We have a little problem going out in public still," Jack said, squeezing his hand.

"Oh, but Kilgrave," Martha said. "Just try it! Jack can always bring you home, and your relationship will grow so much stronger. It will show him you believe in him. He wants to be more than the man who rehabilitates you. He wants to be your knight in bright armor. Your lover. Your truest and most loving friend. And besides, it will look awfully good on your progress chart! Think how proud of you Jack will be."

Kilgrave bit his lower lip, looking from Jack to Matha and back again. "Can it be somewhere small and quiet?"

"If you'll go out on a proper date with me it can be anywhere you like," Jack said, his eyes sparkling with hope.

He chewed on the knuckle of his thumb a moment, then took a deep breath. "All right then. Right here, right now, in front of Martha, I'll say yes, I will go out on a proper date with you. Some place small and quiet, though."

Jack's face lit up. He scooped Kilgrave up in his arms and spun around. Bounding up the stairs with Kilgrave in his arms, he shouted out to Gwen and Ianto "We have a date! Kilgrave and I finally have a date!"

Martha followed them up the stairs and smiled. Ianto and Gwen were grinning. Gwen applauded. Ianto looked at her and said "Added relationship counseling to your skill set, I see. You should have come weeks ago. Could have saved Jack a lot of angst."

Martha just grinned. "I'd like a glass of wine to celebrate."

"So would I," Gwen said. "But we'd best get it ourselves." She nodded at Jack and Kilgrave. They had both collapsed on the ratty old sofa where Jack alternately kissed and tickled Kilgrave until he was a breathless mess.

"Enough, I give, I give,"Kilgrave gasped.

Jack relented and got up off of him. "Catch your breath, let's have some wine to celebrate. I know just where I want to take you, quiet little inn just outside of Cardiff. It's a well kept secret. They serve traditional cuisine prepared to perfection." He pulled Kilgrave up from the sofa and into his arms for a lengthy kiss. Soon Kilgrave couldn't catch his breath for another reason.

Martha cleared her throat, startling Kilgrave. He blushed and pulled away. "I'll get the wine," he said.

Jack looked at Martha and with a warm smile he silently mouthed the words "thank you."


	10. Chapter 10 - Eclosion part 1

_Thanks for the reviews, honestly. This has been a difficult story to write and I had begun to get discouraged. The themes are dark and must be handled carefully. Kilgrave is a challenging character. I don't think he will ever be normal, but maybe he can find a little happiness, and maybe even contribute some good in the end. The payoff will come. There will be heartbreak, but also adventure! It will be very dangerous for Kilgrave and we will have to see if he survives. This is, after all, a story of redemption. If you spot an error please point it out...nicely?_

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Chapter 10

Eclosion part 1

 **When the adult Luna moth emerges in the stage known as eclosion, its wings are short, stumpy and weak. It will let it's wings fill out before taking flight.**

The afternoon before Jack's first real date with Kilgrave turned out to be a pleasant tryst with Ianto. Very pleasant. And a bit surreal, as Ianto nagged him a bit on some things he should and shouldn't do. Don't hover over him, but be considerate. Compliment him but don't go overboard. Open doors for him. Pull out his chair. Watch for signs of anxiety but don't bang on about it. Let him try to control it himself, it'll build his self confidence. It made Jack want to both kiss Ianto all the more as well as strangle him. Just a bit.

As for Kilgrave, Gwen had to stop him from cleaning the kitchen a fourth time, tidying the conference room a third time and had to remind him he had already fed Myfanwy. Twice.

She took him by the hand and led him towards Jack's office. "Now, what I want you to do," she said, "is nip down there and pick out what you want to wear tonight."

"Jack picks out my outfits," he replied.

"Not tonight, he doesn't."

"But—"

"But nothing, I think you should surprise him," Gwen said.

"How am I meant to do that when he dresses me?"

"Oh, surely you can dress yourself!" Gwen said, her nose crinkled with her smiling.

"Yes, I can," he said. "But, well, I..."

"What? Go on, you can tell me."

He blushed and stared at his shoes. He mumbled something.

"Sorry, I didn't get that," Gwen encouraged.

"I said I like for him to dress me, okay?" He blushed even a deeper red.

"Well, then, he can just admire your choices as he puts them on you, then, can't he?" She patted his shoulder. "Go on, then, you've quite a choice in items, you can put together something very nice, I'm sure. Jack gets stuck in a rut. Choose a different shirt and tie to go with a waistcoat and jacket he wouldn't normally put together. And I know for a fact you have coats you've never even put on. Probably ties, too, come to that. Go and look, you might even have shirts Jack hasn't tried on you yet, he bought you a load of clothes. But it seems to me I see you in the same suits a bit. So go and pick something out."

He chewed his lower lip a few seconds, nodded, then descended the ladder. Jack's quarters were tight, but somehow he had managed to squeeze one of those flat-pack wardrobes in it and had put it together for their clothes. Kilgrave opened it. Normally when he opened it he just stuck their clean clothing in and never really looked. After all, picking out his clothing was Jack's choice. Now he slid the hangers aside, though, and made a few discoveries. Gwen was right! He began choosing items, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

When he came back up Jack and Ianto had returned. "Muffin!" Jack called. "I was wondering where you were."

"You'll see," he said. He was pulled in for a quick peck on the lips. "I hope you two had a nice afternoon."

"Very," Ianto answered. "Hope you weren't too bored."

"No," Gwen said. "Nervous. Went on a bit of a cleaning spree, he did."

"Bit jittery, yeah," Kilgrave admitted.

"Understandable," Jack said. He slipped an arm around his waist. "I promise, if you get too uncomfortable I'll bring you home. But you do know it's going to be just a little stressing, right?"

He nodded. "A learning curve," he said. "But I have to try, right? If I don't then how are we to have a proper relationship?"

"Gotta try new things," Jack agreed.

Kilgrave grinned. "Gwen made a suggestion I pick out my own outfit, so I already tried a new thing. I picked out what I'm going to wear."

"Did you? Gwen, are you putting ideas into my Muffin's head?" Jack gave her a wink.

"I'm proud to say I did, and I can't wait to see what he chose." She crossed her arms and raised her brow. "Go on with the pair of you, then! Let's get this show on the road!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Jack said, giving her a snappy salute, he took Kilgrave's hand and they went to get ready for their date.

Kilgrave had hidden his outfit in the back of the wardrobe until after their shower. Usually Jack dressed him first, but today they reversed their usual routine. As Jack finished dressing him he had to admire Kilgrave's choices.

"Why did I ever leave that shirt in the wardrobe this long?" he questioned himself. It was a gorgeous orchid color. His tie, a deep indigo, was adorned with swirls of heliotrope and deep purple. His waistcoat was such a deep purple it was nearly black. His trousers and jacket were black with purple pinstripes. His coat was a slim knee-length puce with canted pockets trimmed in satin piping. Each item was one Jack had neglected to pull from the wardrobe. He had, in fact, forgotten he had even bought them. Now, seeing them on Kilgrave, his heart skipped a beat. Several, in fact.

"You like?" Kilgrave turned around for him, looking at Jack, obviously needing approval.

"Like? It makes me want to rip it off you," Jack said. "Not that that's about to happen, mind you. Come on, I can't wait to see the admiring looks, from Gwen, from Ianto, from everyone that lays eyes on you. You're gorgeous, you know that?"

They ascended to admiring looks and praise. Gwen and Ianto escorted them out to the SUV, where Jack opened the passenger side door for Kilgrave. He looked both excited and bit scared as they drove away, watching Gwen and Ianto give them a friendly wave.

Jack took him to a tiny inn far on the outskirts of Cardiff. A small and exclusive eatery, there were only about ten tables in the whole place. They served only wild game and locally sourced in season produce grown right at the inn's own garden, Jack explained. Kilgrave's face lit up. He parked the SUV, turned to Kilgrave and said, "Just you sit there and look beautiful."

He got out, walked around to the passenger side door and opened it for his date, took his hand and led him inside. Taking his coat for him, he followed their host to their table where he held out Kilgrave's chair for him and seated him properly, ordering their best red wine.

There was a murmur or two of "Oh my," and "Look at those two guys, Miranda!" was whispered by an older lady to her companion. Admiring glances, then the patronage settled back down.

"What can I say," Jack whispered. "Kilgrave, you look...princely. Just absolutely bone dead gorgeous. Even more so in candle light. You were born to be courted. I just...I'm speechless."

His eyelids dropped and he blushed. "Not too speechless to order for me, I hope. I'm sure you know what's best here."

"Nothing on the menu looks better than you. I... oh God, I'm making a fool of myself, aren't I? It's just... oh hell, I'll say it. You just keep stealing my heart. But you'll see. I'll show you. Thank you for doing this with me. Are you feeling okay?"

"Surprisingly okay," he replied. "And feeling more okay by the minute. What are you going to order for me?"

"Braised saddle of rabbit with fresh garden vegetables and a chocolate raspberry pudding for afters."

Kilgrave face glowed like the candle on the table. Jack mentally high-fived himself.

Score.

He had made Kilgrave happy

The meal was sumptuous. Jack could see something in Kilgrave spring back to life as he enjoyed it. Eating fine food really did hold a deeper meaning for him. It had to be the contrast to being raised on such a poor diet. Good food equaled love for him. His eyes often darted up to meet Jack's eyes in appreciation that only grew as the evening went on.

Their chatter was light in the inn, but once in the car there was a silence. Kilgrave reached for Jack's hand and for a spell they rode quietly, hands linked.

"Jack?"

"Yeah"

"When will we make love?"

"When we're ready, Muffin."

"How will we know when that is?"

"We have a way to go, Kilgrave. Be patient."

"Does this have to do with the things you need to tell me that I have to hear a little at a time?"

"Yes, Muffin, it does. I told you I would tell you you truth, and I will, I promise. Do you trust me?"

"Yes. Yes, my Captain, I do."

Jack turned the SUV down a narrow country lane. He leaned over and kissed Kilgrave. "It would break my heart if you didn't. I promise to take care of you. I just have to be careful. Now, would you like to go for a nice walk and maybe do some star gazing?"

"That sounds wonderful." Kilgrave gave him a smile. He practically glowed.

Jack went around to the back of the SUV and fetched a blanket, then opened Kilgrave's door for him. They set off down a leafy path to a little clearing where Jack spread the blanket and they lay side by side, hands linked, gazing up at the sky.

"When I was little I used to dream of doing this," Kilgrave said. "But this is much better than anything I imagined. The stars look like tiny diamonds scattered across purple velvet."

Jack chuckled. "You and your purple. I think it's cute."

He shrugged. "Call it a fetish."

"I don't know, I think there's something more there. Something biological. Still, it's cute." He rolled over on his side. "You're cute. I'm not sure when or how it started, but somehow you got to me. And now there's something inside me that wants to take care of you. Wants to be with you. To protect you. Nurture you. Romance you. I hope you feel the same."

"I do, Jack, I do, more than I can say. And it's very strange because it feels like I've always felt this way. But that can't be, can it?"

Jack sighed. Damn it all. Goddamned IGH. He had to get the Doctor to help him. And he would. But for now he was going to make Kilgrave's love for him real.

"Let's just think about here and now," Jack said, pulling him close for a kiss. They held each other, stroking each other's arms and backs. Jack would only let it go so far, and then back off. "Let's focus on emotions, Muffin. Don't let what they did to you dictate your love life. You choose when you get to make love. That's part of what I'm teaching you. You're hyper-sexual. But no one ever trained you to control your impulses. I'll help you with that. You don't have to let your heart be a victim of your sexual urges anymore. Your Jack will teach you."

"Will I get to decide more when I...you know. When I, um..."

"Will you have more control over you orgasms? Yes. You'll always have lots of them, but the sex will last longer before they happen, and when they do happen they will be more satisfying and you won't need as many."

"Oh, that sounds nice." He gave Jack a wicked smile.

"It is. And it will be. But not yet." Jack traced a finger along his cheek. "I want more dates. I want more dinners. I want dancing. And lots more of this. He pulled Kilgrave in for a nice, long, quiet cuddle.

And so their official dating life began.

On their fifth date things truly coalesced. They finally went out dancing and the evening had been wildly romantic. As they returned to the Hub Jack didn't walk Kilgrave back so much as he danced him back. As they descended on the lift, he pulled Kilgrave in for a kiss. He felt Kilgrave's heart hammering against him. He sobbed into Jack's mouth.

Jack drew back. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"I―oh, Jack, I just―I love you so much it feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. Like my ribs are going to split. It's almost unbearable." His eyes brimmed. He threw his arms around Jack's neck.

Jack held him tenderly, making little calming nonsense noises between assurances that he loved Kilgrave just as much. Jack's guilt ripped through him. He had to tell Kilgrave about IGH conditioning him to fall for him. But how? He had to call the Doctor.


	11. Chapter 11 Eclosion - part 2

**_Apologies for short chapter and the delay in updating. Updating may be sporadic for a while as I am preparing to take a trip but I will NOT abandon this story! There is too much romance and adventure to come and some very surprising scenes to write! I'm so eager to write them, but I must prepare for my journey!  
_**

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Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Chapter 11

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Eclosion part 2

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Kilgrave had finished his chores a little early that day. Last night's date had left him feeling energized. He couldn't recall ever feeling more at peace with himself. No, nor more loved. And even more eager to make a better man of himself. There must be something worthy in him for Jack to love him that much.

As he walked by Jack's office he couldn't help seeing Jack was having a conversation with the Doctor by way of hologram on his wrist-comp. The Doctor did not look pleased. Kilgrave tapped on the door, then entered.

Jack's eyes flew wide open in alarm.

"...an idiot, Jack!" the Doctor shouted. "You should have told him IGN conditioned him to be attracted to you!"

"Kilgrave!" Jack cried.

"And he just walked in, did he?" the Doctor groaned.

"YES!"

"Jack?" Kilgrave said, his voice a whimper. "I don't... I—what does he mean? They conditioned me? To love you?"

"Kilgrave, look, don't jump to any conclusions, sweetheart," Jack said. "This is one of the things I wanted to tell you, and I needed the Doctor's advice on how to do it."

"But...this means what I feel isn't real," Kilgrave rasped. "My love for you is just a story IGH made up and put in my head." His lungs dragged in great gulps of air. Tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Jack, I'm on my way," the Doctor said.

"Kilgrave, sweetheart," Jack leapt up and rushed to him. "No, no, why do you think I've been so careful to court you? I wanted you to really love me."

Kilgrave backed away. "No. It's not real. Don't you see, Jack? It's not real. Nothing about me is real. I was created in a lab. Everything I am is nothing but an experiment. A tool. I'm nothing. I'm no one. I'm nothing. Nothing."

"No, Kilgrave, you aren't nothing! You're so much more than that! You're—"

Kilgrave hadn't heard him. He turned and fled.

"God damn it!" Jack punched the wall, then went after him.

He could hear Kilgrave's footsteps but couldn't see him. "Ianto! Did you see where Kilgrave went?"

"He was running towards the back exit. I don't think he knows his way around down there, though. He looked really upset."

"Come on!" Jack barked.

The could hear his feet ringing on metal steps. Apparently the little shit had been exploring.

"He's heading to the roof!" Jack cried.

"But those doors are locked," Ianto said.

"Ianto, this is Kilgrave we're talking about. You know how clever he is. If he knows his way up there he could have been going up there for months!"

A chill ran through Jack's entire being as he heard the clank of the door opening and the bang as it slammed shut.

"Oh, God, Jack." Ianto's voice was filled with dread.

"Let's go!" Jack's legs vaulted the last few steps two at a time. A sharp pain shot through his arms as he slammed the bars to the door and rushed through.

Kilgrave stood at the very edge. He faced them. The heels of his converse actually were over the edge of the roof. His face was the picture of a man devastated. His cheeks were red and wet with tears, his eyes dull, haunted. His mouth twitched. He shook his head 'no'.

"Kilgrave, sweetheart, don't!" Jack cried, his voice cracking, his hand reaching out in desperation.

"It's not real, Jack," he moaned. "Our love isn't real. And if it's not real, I have nothing left. Why go on? Why not just let the monster die and be done with?"

"No, no, sweetheart, you aren't that anymore, don't you see? You've been becoming. Like the velveteen rabbit. I love you, Kilgrave, my love for you is real, I swear it."

"I'm not real, Jack. I'm just something created by a lab. You love something that isn't real. It's an illusion."

"You said when I kissed you, you love me so much you felt like your heart was going to burst. You said you love me so much it hurts. You can't tell me that isn't real." Jack's voice was gentle but assertive as he reached out his hand, making a small step forward.

Kilgrave tottered on the ledge, shaking his head 'no'. His tears spattered his shoes. "I want it to be true." His voice cracked. "Oh, Jack, why? Why was I even born?"

"We can talk inside, sweetheart. Come to your Jack, now. I could compel you. You know I could. I want you to choose life, sweetheart," Jack said, openly weeping now himself. "You shouldn't be my prisoner anymore. You should be mine by choice. You said you were mine. You said you love me! Don't hurt me like this, Kilgrave. You're breaking my heart."

"You have Ianto. You can forget me," Kilgrave said, his voice so soft Jack and Ianto had to strain to her it. "All our work, Jack, it was for nothing. Because I'm nothing."

"No! Don't you see? I love you, damn it! I can't love someone who is nothing, Kilgrave!" Jack stepped forward again. Again Kilgrave teetered. It seemed the air was frozen with the stalemate, and so no one noticed as Gwen made her entrance.

Kilgrave looked to be weighing his decision. He looked at his shoes, then looked Jack in the eye. He had made his choice.

"No. It's too much. The burden is too great on you, on me. If I'm anything at all I'm a monster. I don't deserve to live anyway. Just let me go. I love you all. And you, Jack, most of all. More than anyone or anything in my life. But let me go now. Just let me go, please." He swallowed hard. "Goodbye. I...I love you."

He took a step backward.

Jack took a leap forward and grabbed his hand.

Ianto grabbed Jack around his waist and Gwen joined him.

Kilgrave cried out, swinging like a pendulum. The little charm on his collar tinkled.

"No," he cried. "Please, let me go!"

"You promised!" Jack growled, angry now. "You promised you wouldn't let go of my hand! I lost Gray! And you swore you would never let go of my hand! God damn you, how dare you break your promise to me! I love you, you son of a bitch, how dare you do this to me!"

Kilgrave gasped. He had sworn, hadn't he? He had sworn to never let go of Jack's hand. And that was just what he was doing. "Oh, God," he gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

"Then help me help you up," Jack growled.

Kilgrave swung his arm up and grasped Jack's wrist.

"Oh, God, Jack, I don't think I can do it," Kilgrave whimpered.

"Don't you let go, sweetheart," Jack encouraged. "Don't you dare let go of my hand."

But both of their hands were losing their grip...

And then they heard it.

The most beautiful sound in the universe, that whirling, grinding sound...and the TARDIS materialized just behind and beneath Kilgrave. The blue box rose just a little. The doors opened and there was the Doctor.

"Oh, you stupid man," he scolded. He reached out and grasped Kilgrave about the waist and snatched him into the TARDIS. "I'll be waiting in the Hub, Jack. I have some few choice words for the both of you."


	12. Chapter 12- Eclosion - Part 3

**I'm afraid this is all I have time for until after I return from my trip! Which is interesting because when I return from my trip, I'll update with a chapter about Jack's and Kilgrave's trip! I hope you'll be patient and I hope you enjoy this update!**

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Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Chapter 12

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Eclosion – part 3

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When the TARDIS materialized in the Hub it was in the lower levels. Jack could hear it. The Doctor must want privacy. He glanced at Ianto and Gwen and with a small nod said "Stay here, guys." Even in his own ears he sounded like a small boy about to be told off. He wondered if they could read the anxiety in his face as he went to find the TARDIS.

She was parked down near the archives. She thrummed happily enough at his approach, but something about the sound carried a little amusement in it. It sounded almost cheeky. Sort of an "Oh, are you in for it." Well, that was news, wasn't it.

The door opened slowly with a creak that seemed deliberately taunting. Jack took a deep breath and entered. He saw the Doctor looking at him with those expressive eyebrows which seemed to be telegraphing disapproval, and there in the eyes, too, yet also there was a sparkle of amusement. Not that Jack had long to assess the situation. Suddenly he was nearly knocked over by a joyful Kilgrave flinging himself into Jack's arms.

"He threw his arms around Jack's neck, crying "Jack, Jack, Jack, my Jack, oh God, I've missed you so much, I thought I'd never see you again!"

Jack wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tight, so tight Kilgrave grunted. Doctor or no Doctor, Jack gave Kilgrave a good kissing, one that told him how happy he was to have him once more in his arms, one that told him how much Jack loved and needed him. Once he finished he guided Kilgrave's head onto his shoulder and softly raked his fingers through his hair. "How long has it been for you?" he asked.

"Three days, Jack, I haven't known what to do with myself, I missed you so, so much. But the Doctor talked to me lots, and he looked in my head and, well, he said he would tell you everything. And I do feel so much better now and I'm just so happy to see you and I'm so happy to be home."

Jack folded Kilgrave's face in his hands and kissed him tenderly. "I'm so sorry I handled things so poorly," he said. "I wanted to tell you the truth, I promised I would, and I was going to. That's why I was talking to the Doctor. You believe me, don't you?"

Kilgrave nodded. "I do," he said. "I always did. I just didn't understand what was going on. Now I do, though. I want to be with you, but the Doctor has to talk to you. What should I do while you two are talking?"

"Have you used the pool?

"Yes. It's nice. But I like the garden with all the alien plants and birds."

"You could hang out there for a while and the TARDIS can let you know when we're done, right?"

He nodded. "I'll be waiting eagerly, my Captain." When he smiled the old happy sparkle was back and Jack's heart nearly burst with the mixture of emotions. He pulled Kilgrave close with one arm and with his free hand he toyed with the charms on Kilgrave's collar.

"Love you, Muffin," Jack said, giving him a wink and a brief kiss. He swatted Kilgrave's bottom. "Off you go, then. Let's get my chewing out over with, yeah?"

Kilgrave's laughter bubbled. "There is that," he agreed. "But there's more. The Doctor will tell you."

"Go on then," said the Doctor. He nodded at Kilgrave, then nodded his head in the direction of the corridor.

"Better do what he says," Jack said.

Kilgrave just smiled. "I know," he sighed in agreement." But was there a certain sense of security in his tone? Something that sent the message that he felt safe in the Doctor's hands? This must be true, because he slipped out of Jack's arms and ambled down the corridor with only a smile at Jack over his shoulder.

As soon as he was gone Jack turned to the Doctor. The look on his face was not a pleasant one.

Oh, boy.

"You, Jack Harkness, are a fool and worse," growled the Doctor. "I told you to break him, not destroy him! Why didn't you tell him what IGN had done to him? Anyone who's had their mind fiddled with like that deserves to know, no matter what they've done! Have you any idea what it's taken for me to straighten him out? I've had to telepathically link with him in daily sessions, sometimes multiple times daily! I've seen lost souls in my time, but him! This is one of the worse cases I've seen."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, and yeah, I've been a fool. A jackass, a stupid, careless, selfish bastard. I liked our little pretend world. I wanted to pretend I could take care of him. Shield him from the world." Jack hung his head. "I wanted to be his superhero. His savior."

"And you have been his savior. You have shielded him. You've guided him splendidly. He has changed remarkably." Now the Doctor smiled and squeezed Jack's shoulder. "But you should never have said he shouldn't be your prisoner anymore, Jack. Like it or not, he's still a criminal. That hasn't changed." The Doctor paced, his hands locked behind his back in full lecture mode. "His crimes haven't vanished just because you love him. He must remain your prisoner. And surely you must know he wants to be yours. He feels safe thinking of himself as your property now. You claimed him and he has accepted that. Even more, he wants it. He has chosen. If you didn't want that responsibility you shouldn't have taken it on. Like it or not, he is yours now. Not your slave as such, but your ward, to keep, to guide, to protect, and now apparently to love."

"And what about him?"asked Jack. "He was shattered. He thinks he's not real."

"Not anymore he doesn't," answered the Doctor. He stopped pacing. "I've educated him, explained to him that he's not just a construct. And Jack, best of all, your courtship has worked. I've made him understand now. The love you inspired in him has displaced the conditioning almost entirely. The only thing IGN's conditioning is doing is actually bolstering your bond, making his love for you even deeper and more real."

Jack grinned from ear to ear. "Yes! Oh, God, I hoped it would!"

"It worked better than you hoped," said the Doctor with a gentle smile. "He told me all about the velveteen rabbit idea, a good one I must say. But you must accept, Jack, that your velveteen rabbit will always have little horns and maybe a bifurcated tail. It's working, he is becoming, as the story says, all due to the hard work of you both. But you must accept that there will always be damage there. He has accepted your imperfections. You must accept his. I'm not saying let him be a monster, just understand that it still lurks there inside him, however weak. He has remarkable control over it, but it's still there. We can thank IGN and his parents for that, but it's up to him to keep the monster at bay, and to do that, he needs your help."

"So he's getting better in your opinion?" Jack looked at the Doctor hopefully. He believed Kilgrave was indeed getting better, but he valued the Doctor's opinion above all others.

"Better enough that I would say it's time you moved on to the next level with your relationship," the Doctor looked at Jack meaningfully. "I know you aren't a coward anymore Jack. In matters of love you never have been. I understand your need to be careful with Kilgrave. As well you should be, it's a dangerous business, loving a psychopath. As well I know." Here he smiled fondly.

"I can assure you his love for you runs very deep," the Doctor continued. "Deep enough to displace so much damage that has been done to him. Love, as you know, has great power. It can do miraculous things. He will never be cured. But he can be made better. So go now, and do more miraculous things with your Luna moth. Teach him to fly. Just remember, this Luna moth has the ability to control people under your direction. Be very careful how you let him fly, Jack. But do let him fly. He can be both beautiful and terrible. There is value in both, but also danger, so be careful."

"Thank you for helping him, Doctor, thank you so much," Jack swallowed hard. "I can never repay you."

"Actually you can,"the Doctor replied, this time smiling broadly. "Collect your pretty little moth, take him out to a nice, quite spot in the country and make him yours once and for all. It's what you both need and both deserve. And then I want the two of you and the rest of your team to finish destroying IGN. I'll make sure UNIT has your full support. But first you give that man what he needs. What you need, too. I think Torchwood can do without you two for a bit. I can have Martha and Micky lend a hand while you two are honeymooning. But remember, he wears that collar like a crown. He's proud to be yours. He has no shame in being your prisoner and your property. He sees it as only just and right for his wrongs. Do not take that away from him again. Those charms on his collar are a reminder of how far he has come and a promise that he will continue to work to become a better man. You mustn't rob him of that."

"I won't, Doctor. I'm ashamed now that I did, I didn't think what it meant to him," Jack said, his voice cracking. "I wanted to be oh so beneficent. I let my bloated ego do my thinking for me. I didn't put his well-being first."

"Not just his, Jack," said the Doctor, his voice stern now. "You must remember. Should you choose to be careless, you could loose a beast upon the world again. He may be changed, but as I said, the monster is still there. Tamed, yes, but do not think it can't grow wild yet again. He is your responsibility which you willingly took on. And do not, Captain, deny that you enjoy it."

Jack laughed. "At first I hated it, but you know, he has his little ways about him."

"Yes, over the last three days I've seen a certain light inside him. Nurture it, Jack. Make him shine, Captain. Make him shine so, so bright. Even a monster of a Luna moth should be a thing of beauty."

"We'll make you proud, Doctor," promised Jack. "You'll see. We'll do our best."

"You do that. But first, you go and collect your Luna moth and take him away. Let his wings fill out under your care. I know you love him. So take him away and love him. Show him he truly is yours, and you, his."

"Yes, sir!" Jack smiled broadly. His heart felt ready to burst with anticipation and with happiness.

"So go on then, he's in the garden, the TARDIS will lead you to him," said the Doctor, making 'shoo'-ing gestures with his hands. "He's waiting for you. And I have other business. There are singing towers waiting for me to visit with my own lover. Bit of a psychopath, too, but a splendid woman. But first Clara and I have a few adventures of our own. So off you go." He turned his back on Jack, picked up his guitar and began to play something. Something soft, romantic and haunting, yet a bit, well, metal. Jack grinned. The Doctor. Nothing quite like him.

He turned on his heel and strode down the corridor, following the telepathic messages the TARDIS sent him. Soon he found the door to the garden. It opened on its own.

Jack stepped into the garden. Exotic fragrances filled the air. Birds of all sizes and shapes flitted and fluttered about, most were songbirds with sweet songs stitching he air. Some cried out in discordant squawks. Jack figured that these were either amusing to the Doctor or somehow appealing to Gallifrean ears.

The TARDIS prodded him down the correct path. And there he was, a bright spot of purple in all that green. He squatted by a bush laden with (of course) purple blossoms which smelled almost but not quite like roses. Tiny butterfly-like insects fluttered about. One had landed on his hand and he was looking at it as if committing it to memory. He softly blew on it to make it fly away and stood up.

"Hello, gorgeous," Jack said, his voice soft with affection.

Kilgrave turned, and seeing him rushed into his arms. They embraced, and he drank in Jack's kiss like a man dying of thirst. He pulled away.

And then he gave Jack a singing slap on the cheek.

"Don't you ever tell me I'm not your prisoner again. Don't you ever say I don't belong to you. I'm yours, do you hear me? I belong to you." Kilgrave's voice cracked and tears sprang from his eyes. "Don't take that away from me, Jack. Don't you dare abandon me. I know I was going to let go of your hand, and that was wrong. I can never say I'm sorry enough. I wasn't thinking right. But I didn't know the truth. Now I do. I'll never let go. Never. So don't you abandon me, Jack. Please say you won't."

"You," Jack said, grabbing him and pulling him close a little roughly "Are mine. My property, my prisoner. My love. And now you're coming with me. And we're going to go away to the countryside."

"We're going to what?" Kilgrave had that confused puppy look that Jack found so endearing.

"I'm taking you away to the countryside, Muffin. I'm taking you away," Jack paused long enough to give him a searing kiss, a long, deep one meant to make Kilgrave sizzle. And sizzle he did. "And while we're there, our romance will finally reach its destination point, sweetheart. I'm going to love you until you won't have the energy to get out of bed."

Kilgrave tightened his embrace, then hiked his legs around Jack's waist, laughing and peppering his face with kisses. "Oh, Jack, Jack, Jack, finally! What are we waiting for?"

"For you to get down so I can take you by the hand and lead you back to the Hub," Jack said. "Let's tell the Doctor thanks and goodbye. We have to pack. And I have to buy you some sexy sleepwear I so I can take it off of you."

The garden rang with joyous laughter. It was the sound of celebration, of anticipation, full of promise and love. Jack spun them around until he grew dizzy and they tipped over onto the soft apple grass. Oh well, surely they could kiss for a little while before they left the garden. The Doctor would understand.

They had been at it a good little while when they heard the sound of a throat being cleared.

"You two still here?" The Doctor said. "I know this is a time machine, but don't you think the pair of you should be getting ready for your little holiday?"


	13. Chapter 13 - Eclosion - part 4

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Eclosion – Part 4

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 **This is the end of the Eclosion arc of the story. The next part will be First Flight. I hope you enjoy it!  
**

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The Doctor led them to a nearby bench. "Sit," he said to Jack, his Scottish-Doctor accent thick. Jack loved the grumpiness of this particular incarnation because he knew the hearts that lay beneath it was the same hearts of his Doctor. Always his Doctor. "A few things to wrap up before you go. You'll need this, you great numpty. This way you won't have to yell for help so much."

Jack sat obediently, looking at Kilgrave. He had a little smile on his face. "What?" Jack asked. "You know what he's going to do?"

"Oh, just relax, he did it to me," Kilgrave said.

"I'm going to open a port for you," the Doctor said. "I installed one in Kilgrave for you. Only for you, no one else can access it. This way you can telepathically connect more easily. You'll know what to do with it when the time comes. It will prove useful in many ways."

"Um, okay, I think," Jack said, a bit nervous.

"Stop it, Jack," the Doctor scolded. "Kilgrave is ill mentally, but you can't catch it through the port. Nor can you heal him through it. Use it and you'll see what it's good for. Now just relax."

Jack closed his eyes as the Doctor placed his hands on Jack's temples. He exhaled, forcing himself to relax, to open up. He felt the Doctor slip into his mind, a gentle and careful presence. There was a feeling of something being fiddled with, and then a feeling that had it been a sound, would have been a click and a short buzz. A feeling of a job done, and then the Doctor slipped back out.

"There, now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Kilgrave said. He held out his hand, wriggling his fingers.

"Disturbingly like my former self sometimes," the Doctor sighed.

"And just a bit charming, Jack thinks," Kilgrave added. "He's told me about him. You. Whatever."

Jack took his hand and stood. "I used to think the universe was playing a cruel trick on me," he joked. "Thankfully I'm more of the type to believe in the wonderfully random. It just worked out that way."

"Or the universe is sending you a message," the Doctor said. "I've seen the face I'm wearing before, you know. Sometimes there are reasons. We just have to puzzle them out. Anyway, enough of this. You should be on your way, and so, too, should I be."

Kilgrave rocked back and forth eagerly. "I can hardly wait," he said, his voice a near-squeak with excitement.

"Don't forget what I said, Jack. Let him fly, but be careful!" admonished the Doctor. "And you!" he said to Kilgrave. "Behave. Do what Jack says. Give yourself over, trust him. He will make mistakes and so will you. You are not a construct. You're a viable human being. Act it."

"Yes, Doctor, I'll do my best," Kilgrave said, his eyes solemn, yet with a small smile on his face. "And thank you, sir, for everything. You really are as wonderful as Jack says you are."

"Thank you," the Doctor said uneasy with such gratitude. "Away with you two, now! Go!"

He turned his back on them, picked up his guitar and began to play something that sounded like Mozart. But very speed metal.

Jack tugged at Kilgrave's hand and led him out of the TARDIS.

The moment they stepped out Kilgrave's eyes swept around the Hub from floor to high ceiling, a wide grin on his face.

"Home," he sighed, the contented cat back in his windowsill. He looked ready to purr. Jack pulled him in for a hug.

"Missed it that much, did you?" He combed his fingers through Kilgrave's neatly done hair, mussing it terribly. "You weren't gone long for us, but for you it was days. Myfanwy won't have missed you, but I bet you miss her."

"And Gwen and Ianto, and everything." He slipped his arms around Jack's neck and offered his mouth. "But most of all I missed you."

A quick pair of kisses and Jack led him further out into the Hub in search of his team-mates, arm around his waste, his hold just a tad firm almost as though he feared he might vanish on him. Kilgrave, noticing, side-eyed him with an amused little smile and a slight blush. They found Gwen and Ianto in the conference room having coffee with worried looks on their faces. They both brightened when they saw Jack enter with Kilgrave on his arm. Both stood and went to them, Gwen grabbing his face and kissing him.

"Don't ever scare us like that again, you stupid man," she scolded, her voice tremulous. Ianto joined in what became a Torchwood a group hug. "All sorted out now?" he asked.

Kilgrave nodded, looping his arms around them. He said something but his words were muffled beneath the tangle of arms around him. It wasn't until he gave a small grunt that they realized they were squeezing him so hard he was uncomfortable, yet he hadn't tried to wriggle away. He enjoyed the affection that much. They both gave an embarrassed chuckle and let him go.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Gwen rubbed his forearms.

"I said the Doctor helped me out." He bounced in his Converse a little. "I think I was with him three or four days. Hard to tell when you're in a time machine, but it was brilliant, and he's brilliant, and he really was helpful, and now I understand things so much better and...oh, I'm babbling. I'm just glad to be home again."

"Speaking of which," Jack interrupted, "Gotta get on the phone, call in Micky and Martha to help you guys out for a bit." He stepped behind Kilgrave and put his arms around him, pulling him close and nuzzling his ear. "Kilgrave and I are going away for a while. It's time. Doctor's orders." Jack smiled. "I'm going to spirit him away, and I'm going to make him mine. No more putting it off. It's time. So we'll be gone for some few days and nights. The Doctor said to waste no time doing it, so we'll be going as soon as Martha and Micky arrive."

"About bloody time," Gwen mumbled, but with one of her nose crinkling smiles.

"I'll call Martha and Micky," Ianto volunteered. "You two should start packing. Any destination in mind?"

"Yeah, I was thinking my little place up in Dornoch. Used to be a rundown croft, but I've had that part very carefully restored and nearby a really upscale cabin built. Jacuzzi and all." Jack turned Kilgrave so he could see the expression on his face as he described their get-away destination. "There's a gardener and his wife tending it, so we have fresh food there at all times and the nearby sheep farm will have fresh meat. You know how picky certain people are about food. They have lambs, chickens, fresh eggs, cheese, rabbits. The local markets carry great pork, pheasant, rabbit, partridge, beef, the works.. The housekeeper is also the cook. She and her husband tend the place and work out of the croft. She makes the best black currant jam you ever tasted. I have horses, too. Little thing I picked up pre-World War I, loved them ever since. Want to learn to ride?"

Kilgrave gave Jack a look that was half shy, half sly. "I think I'll just ride the same horse as you," he said. He stepped closer, running his hands up Jack's chest to rest along either side of his neck. "I have other things I'd rather spend my time learning-you know. And I want to do some of the cooking."

"Meaning send the gardener and the cook away?" Jack smiled at him with mischief in his eyes.

"Only after the first couple of days when we've had time to settle in," he said, nodding.

"Cart before horse," commented Ianto. "I've called Micky and Martha. Time for the pair of you to start preparations."

"He has a point." Jack grabbed Kilgrave's hand and tugged him towards their room.

As at they walked off Gwen sighed, elbowed Ianto and said, "Look at him. He's changed so much. They grow up so fast."

Ianto sighed. "Yeah," he sighed. "Seems like yesterday he was lighting the rubbish on fire."

Gwen giggled.

Jack stepped down the last rung on the ladder down into the bedroom he shared with Kilgrave. Fully expecting to see him busy packing, he raised a brow when he saw Kilgrave sitting on the side of the bed, positively brimming with a mixture of expectation and anxiety.

"What?" Jack sat beside him, taking his hand. The anxiety proved contagious.

"The port the Doctor gave us," Kilgrave said. "You have to open it for us before we do anything else." The pleading look in his eyes said more than words could convey. That Kilgrave knew they both needed the port opened, and not just for convenience.

"This will help us with our relationship in our intimacy, too, won't it?" Jack said, more statement than a wild guess. Why had he not thought of that?

Kilgrave nodded. "Yes, but in more ways than you think. The Doctor explained it to me. He said you wouldn't need it explained, to just do it and it would all be clear. So I think we should just go ahead and do as he says."

Jack exhaled, his nerves a knot in the pit of his stomach. There was a niggling feeling that there could be perhaps a negative surprise or two in this, but the really shouldn't surprise him. Courage, he scolded himself. This is worth it. Kilgrave is worth it, damn it. If it's uncomfortable for a Luna moth to stretch its wings then I'll share that discomfort. He thought. He won't go through it alone.

"All right," said Jack. "You've done this with the Doctor, you know how it works."

Kilgrave nodded, folding his hands in his lap, closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders, readying himself. Just like that he put himself in Jack's hands. Knowing Kilgrave understood the fragility of his sanity, Jack's heart twisted a little at the trust that must take.

Jack placed his fingers on Kilgrave's temples as he had been trained to do as a Time Agent. Fear fluttered in his gut like a storm of flies. He wasn't the Doctor, and he worried he would go into that fragile mind like a bull in the proverbial china shop. Courage, Harkness, he scolded himself. The Doctor had set this up for them so it must be safe. He opened himself up and pushed himself in.

It took surprisingly little effort. The feeling was not only that the Doctor had built the port for him, but that Kilgrave had cleared a pathway for him. Visually there was a narrow trail through what appeared to be a twilit garden or forest slightly shrouded in (what else) a light purple mist. Tiny pale lights lit the way and then Jack could see the inner Kilgrave, sitting by a small pool. He was naked, looking into the water as if seeking a reflection, but instead of seeing one, he saw instead the image of Jack. He looked up and smiled.

"There you are," he said.

"We're naked," Jack stated the obvious. "I suppose that signifies truth."

Kilgrave nodded. "Honesty. This is where we make our most intimate connection. Here there can be nothing but honestly. I didn't really know what to expect, really. The Doctor said I would understand when you opened the port. I do understand."

Jack sat down next to him. "I can feel what you need," Jack said. He laid his hand along Kilgrave's cheek. "You understand that this isn't about me controlling your mind."

"Yes," he nodded. "It's about you guiding me." He looked at Jack and for the first time Jack noticed that the inner Kilgrave seemed unable to focus his eyes. "Yes, Jack. In here, I'm blind. It's because my mind is still broken in so many ways. Now you know why we need the port. I need it so you can show me my path."

"I'll do my best not to fail you." Jack pulled him close and held him tenderly. "You're unhappy."

"Yes, I am. You haven't shown me your unhappiness with my suicide attempt. I betrayed your trust. You know how my mind works. You know what you have to do. I won't be happy until you do what you know you have to do. I know it hurts you to do it. It will hurt me more if you don't"

"I know," Jack said, his heart heavy with sadness.

"Then do your duty, Captain," Kilgrave said. "The sooner done, the sooner I can put my stupidity behind me and we can move on. But you have to do it. You have to keep wearing away my sharp edges. I'm sorry it hurts you to do it, but I know you do it out of love."

"I don't want to do it. But this his how your mind works, I understand that. We have to work on changing the mechanics of that in the future. I'm going to hate doing it. But when it's over we go away, and it will be behind us," Jack said. "But understand this," his voice became more commanding now. "If you ever try to take your life again, I will deal harshly with you. You belong to me. You are not allowed to take yourself away from me. You are too precious to me."

"Never again," Kilgrave vowed. "But first you have to take back what is yours, what I tried to take away from you. After that, when we go away, then you finish making me yours in every way. Teach me to love like a real human being, Jack. I want to become. You've opened the port so we can use it for that, but first you know what you have to do."

"I know," Jack said. He pulled him close and kissed him, and this kiss was like no kiss he had ever known. This kiss came from both of their minds, the very core of their beings. It joined them with a depth and a sharpness neither could have imagined, an intensity so encompassing it was near painful.

Jack slipped back out of Kilgrave's mind, half relieved, half regretful. He sighed. Kilgrave opened his eyes and looked deeply into Jack's eyes. The memory of how he appeared blind in his own mind came back to Jack. He blinked hard. Yeah, Kilgrave was one twisted little shit. But he was Jack's twisted little shit, and like it or not Jack had to get this unpleasantness behind them in order to make Kilgrave feel loved.

"So, it's the carrot or the stick, Muffin." Jack stroked Kilgrave's hair. Kilgrave leaned in to his touch. "And you won't feel like I really love you until I do to you what you feel like you deserve having done to you."

"I'll only feel shame until you do," he admitted. "I can't get past it."

"And you need me to punish you to purge the shame."

Kilgrave nodded. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know you hate it. But I need you to do it."

"You know this can't go on though, right?"

"I deserve it. And you need to take me back. I tried to take myself away from you."

Jack sighed and shook his head. "I'm going to. To make you happy, and to make you feel like you belong to me again. But after this, you don't decide how you get punished when you stray the from the straight and narrow, I do." Jack folded his face between his hands. "There was a time when corporal punishment was all that got through to you. We've moved past that stage now. After this unless you really screw up, this won't happen again. There are other ways. Ways that will stimulate you emotionally and make you think and grow. Got it?"

He nodded in agreement, then stood, took Jack's hand and pulled him to his feet. He unfastened Jack's belt, pulling it free from the loops in his trousers, then handed it to him.

Jack took the belt. Glared at it as though it were a viper in his hands. He looked at Kilgrave. "No," he said, voice heavy with authority. He threw the belt across the room. "I'll do this my way."

He unfastened Kilgrave's belt and trousers and snatched them down along with his underpants, sat on the side of the bed, then pulled him down roughly across his lap. Kilgrave yelped with surprise.

"But Jack, this is-"

"Is my choice," Jack said. "No belt." He brought the flat of his hand down on Kilgrave's buttocks a good dozen times, hard enough to satisfy Kilgrave's need to feel disciplined and reclaimed, but not brutalized. He rolled Kilgrave onto his back and kissed him hard. "You've been reclaimed, mister. Now, do you feel better?"

Kilgrave grinned up at him. There was fire in his eyes. "I feel brilliant," he panted.

"Good. Now get your red little spanked ass up and pack our clothes. I'm more than ready to take you away and do things to you that you can't even imagine."


	14. Chapter 14 - First Flight part 1

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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 **Finally! I know it took a long time, but I was careful with this chapter as it's the first part of the First Flight part of the story arc. I hope you enjoy it. Let the romance commence!**

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Chapter 14

First Flight

"Look at the sheep, Jack!" Kilgrave's forehead pressed against the glass of the passenger side window beside his splayed hand. "They have some sort of dye on their wool! Red and blue and green and all kinds of colors, why did they do that?"

Jack glanced over at his charge, an indulgent grin on his face. "I it helps them keep track of their veterinary care. All this time and you've never seen the highlands or the islands of Scotland?"

"No, I just never got around to it," Kilgrave replied, eyes still glued to the scenery as they cruised down the narrow road. "I was always a city boy. It's harder to track someone down in a big city. Wish my life had been different now, though. Look at it, it's so...I don't know. It looks like a painting from a Beatrix Potter book. I love the little houses."

Jack took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "You've been a city boy too long," he said. "I think you'll enjoy our time away in more than one way, Muffin. The houses are called crofts. My little farm has one, but there's a bigger cabin built near to it. There's a barn and horses and everything."

Only then did Kilgrave turn away from the scenery to look at Jack with a contented smile.

"You're practically glowing," Jack observed. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I was just thinking about how sexy you were when you reclaimed me,"he said, eyes downcast, color rising to the apples of his cheeks and to his lips. His sudden shyness, at odds with his outspoken thoughts made a kind of heat build up in Jack's belly and a tingle grow in his spine that crept throughout his body.

"You just like the alpha male thing," Jack teased.

"Just when it's you." His eyes grew suddenly solemn and he squeezed Jack's hand. Damn, all the old fears still lurked just under the surface. Maybe they always would be there. Jack squeezed his hand in return.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Kilgrave nodded. "I feel safe when I'm with you."

"I'll do my best to make sure it stays that way," Jack reassured. "There's a little shop in the next town that has good fish and chips." he added. "Not your favorite thing, I know, but will it do until we get to the farmhouse?"

"If the fish is nice and fresh it'll be fine," Kilgrave said. "I'm not exactly fussing over food right now. I'm wanting to get to the farmhouse. Jack, I am so, so ready for things to be, well...complete? Is that the word?"

"Sweetheart, a relationship is journey, not a destination. A road that never really ends, don't you see?"

"Well, then I guess I'm ready to merge into the fast lane or something. I want more. I want us to have it all."

"We're on our way," Jack patted his thigh. "But first a bite to eat. You'll need all your strength." He gave Kilgrave a wink.

The town was tiny, with only three shops to choose from but that took nothing away from the quality of the offerings. Being near Invergordon, the fish was very fresh. They were hungry and fell to with a good appetite. Afterward they took a short stroll to stretch their legs before setting off on the last leg of their journey.

Soon Kilgrave was back to plastering his face against the window again, but as the sky grew darker this was replaced with the occasional "Are we there yet?" Jack could only reply with "Be patient, it's not too far now."

The last rays of the setting sun struck the white-washed croft just as Jack pulled into the driveway. Kilgrave fumbled his safety belt in his eagerness to get out of the SUV. Jack was out of the vehicle and holding the passenger-side door open for him before he managed to free himself. He took Kilgrave's hand and pulled him from the SUV. They strode to the door with a spring in their steps, laughter on their lips and the proverbial song in their hearts.

Kilgrave bit his bottom lip, waiting on Jack to open the door. With mischief in his eye, Jack suddenly hefted him over one shoulder. "One way to carry you over the threshold," he said, giving Kilgrave's bottom a smack before opening the door. Jack slipped his key in the lock, unlocked the door, turned the knob and swung the door wide. He stepped through with Kilgrave over his shoulder and deposited his laughing parcel on his feet. A quick kiss and then Jack called out "We're here!" He added more quietly at Kilgrave's wince "They're a bit hard of hearing."

Kilgrave cast his eyes about the small dwelling. There was a sitting room and further in a dining area, and beyond that he could see the kitchen. Off to either side were doors he assumed to the toilet and to bedrooms, which couldn't have been very big.

"This is charming, Jack," he said. "It must be very old, though."

"Around two hundred years, yes. It was taken very good care of. I still had to sink a lot of cash into it, but well worth it to my way of thinking." Jack touched the walls lovingly. "I think you'll enjoy it here. But wait until you see the cabin. Now let's go meet Aggie and Bill. The Blairs."

"Even if I couldn't see it all I'd have to do is follow my nose," Kilgrave said. "That smells like heaven."

He followed Jack to the kitchen. The savory smells made saliva squirt under his tongue; it was that appetizing, though it hadn't been that long since they had eaten. There was a positively antique couple in the kitchen, the man taking out plates and flatware, the woman just finishing the icing on a chocolate cake as a leg of lamb rested nearby, complete with roasted root veggies.

"See, Aggie, we guessed right," The old man said with a near-toothless smile, his hazel eyes sparkling behind thick glasses.

"How was your trip, dear," Aggie asked, sparing them a glance over her shoulder. She smiled at Jack but kept her face carefully neutral with Kilgrave.

Of course both men noticed this. Kilgrave subconsciously moved closer to Jack. He settled a reassuring hand on the small of Kilgrave's back. "The trip was nice." Jack guided Kilgrave a bit closer to the cooker. "Aggie, this is Kilgrave. He's never been to this part of Scotland. Just Glasgow and Edinburgh. He'll be doing some of the cooking, so you and Bill can have some nice days off with pay. But you'll need to make him familiar with the kitchen."

"I'm very tidy and organized, I'll take very good care of everything, I promise," Kilgrave reassured. "In fact to prove myself, I'll make a meal for us all before you go. I quite enjoy cooking. Food is very important to me, and the kitchen should be the heart of the home to my way of thinking."

The wary look in her eye lessened. "Well," she said with a smile. "Welcome, laddie. I'll be happy to show you around the kitchen, but I'll be waiting for you to prove yourself, I will!"

"Oh, he doesn't disappoint, Aggie." Jack slipped an arm around Kilgrave's waist and gave him a quick, gentle squeeze.

"Jack?" Kilgrave said so softly he nearly couldn't be heard.

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to make rabbit, saddle of rabbit. But could you... I mean, if Bill could..."

"Oh, yeah, no problem, I'm sure." Jack turned to Bill. "Bill, in a few days well need enough rabbits for all of us. Please bring them in already butchered."

"It's not that I'm squeamish." Kilgrave explained. "It's... I was raised around a lab, you see, and I hated seeing what they did to the lab rabbits, so if you don't mind?"

"No worries, lad," Bill gave him a nod. "Quite understandable. We might raise eaters here, but we treat them well. Horrible what's done to those poor animals in laboratories. I suppose some of it is needed, but I don't like thinking about it."

"Thank you." Kilgrave returned a nod. He stepped closer to the leg of lamb resting near the cooker, inhaling the smell. "That looks and smells wonderful," he said. "Done to perfection."

"And that's a huge compliment, coming from Mister Picky, here," Jack teased.

"It's not my fault I know when food is done right," Kilgrave said, eyebrow arched.

Aggie laughed. "Best go and get your things," she said. "Bill, go and fetch something to drink. Some ale, and a nice wine for after."

"Good excuse to show you the cabin," Jack said.

"Lights are on in the cabin," Bill said. "Aggie has it all ready for you. I'll unlock it for you since the wine and ale is out there."

"Thanks," Jack said. "Now let me just drag Kilgrave out of the kitchen so Aggie can finish up."

"You do that," Aggie said with a wink. "But he'll be no trouble, and he'll need to know his way round the kitchen if he's to be cooking. I like to see a man take an interest in preparing a good meal." She gave Kilgrave a smile. "Now run along and get your things out of the car. Time you're done everything will be ready."

"But...she's done it perfectly, Jack, I wanted to know if—" protested Kilgrave as Jack took his elbow to lead him away.

"You can ask as many questions as you like tomorrow when you're learning your way around," Jack said. Jack led him back out to the SUV. They drove around to the back of the croft. Very near the croft but well away from the barn, the cabin looked inviting. Two stories with a nice balcony. Built of stone and wood, it gave an air of both coziness and grace.

Bill came out with a basket bearing ale and wine. "Just leave the door open," Jack called. Bill nodded, striding back to the croft as Jack hefted their luggage to the door. He dropped it just in time to snag Kilgrave by the back of his jacket before he could go through the door.

"Nope." he said. "This time I'm taking you over the threshold properly."

"Jack, you don't have to—"

"Shut up and kiss me," Jack said, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him close. He left no room for doubt. This kiss sent the clear message: tonight I will make you mine. He scooped Kilgrave up in his arms and stepped over the threshold. Putting him down, he said "First proper step in our journey, Muffin. I'll do my best to make it a good one."

Kilgrave's eyes swam with gratitude; he looked suddenly very small and a little frightened. Still, he threw himself into Jack's embrace, slipping his arms around Jack's neck. Jack could feel a slight tremble running through him and rubbed his back.

"Stop worrying." he soothed. "You'll see, it's going to be everything you wanted. I've waited and planned and wanted this for so long, I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy. Deep breaths. Try to relax for me, okay?"

Kilgrave nodded a yes into Jack's shoulder. Jack took his chin in one hand and tipped his face up to give him a few gentle pecks on the lips. Kilgrave gave him a smile. "Better now," he said. "Sorry, I just get a bit panicky. This is all so new to me."

"Which is why I romanced you for so long, if you'll remember." Jack wrapped his arms around Kilgrave's waist, lifted him off his feet and gave him a whirl until he laughed. He put him back down and picked their luggage back up. "Let's just get this upstairs and then go eat." With his free hand he led Kilgrave upstairs.

When Jack flipped the light switch on Kilgrave gave an appreciative whistle. Jack had apparently had the room redecorated far in advance of this night: everything had been done in shades of purple from pale orchid to deepest midnight with contrasting colors to set it off, bits of bright, buttery yellow and cream. The en-suite jacuzzi sat ready to be enjoyed with scented candles nearby waiting to be lit. A skylight over the huge, antique bed displayed a sky scattered with a half moon and a spatter of stars.

"Hope you like it," Jack teased. "We'll be spending a lot of time in here."

"Oh, I like it, all right," Kilgrave said, grinning. "I like it an awful lot."

"Great. Now let's go eat so we can get back in here."

Upon returning to the croft they found their meal plated and on the table, Aggie and Bill setting up their Ale and putting the wine and wine glasses on the table. Their own meal they would take at a small table in the kitchen; being old fashioned they refused to eat at the table with Jack and Kilgrave. They felt it improper.

Jack held Kilgrave's chair and seated him. Kilgrave surveyed the table.

"They've even lit a candle," he whispered. "D'you suppose they know?"

"They know me, and they're old, not stupid or narrow-minded. Besides, their niece is a lesbian." He poured Kilgrave's ale for him. "Just because they're old fashioned about not eating at the table with us doesn't mean they judge us on our relationship. Trust me, I watched Aggie sizing us up."

"Well," Kilgrave shrugged. He took a bite of the lamb and nearly moaned with pleasure. "Oh, God, that is...that is perfect. She has to show me how to make this," Next came the root vegetables. "And I didn't think it could get better."

Jack leaned across the table. "It gets better, all right. But that happens after we eat."

Kilgrave's fork paused mid-bite. He smiled.

Meal finished and back in the cabin as Bill and Aggie cleared up before clearing out, Jack lit the candles on the low table by the jacuzzi. He looked out to the balcony where Kilgrave stood surveying the little croft. He added salts to the jacuzzi, a nice jasmine and lavender blend with a hint of white musk and vanilla. Checking to make sure Kilgrave wasn't paying attention, he went to his luggage and took out two gift boxes, one small, one larger and placed them under the bed. Stepping out onto the balcony he stood behind Kilgrave and embraced him around his waist, kissing his ear. They watched Bill and Aggie's car pull away, the twin beams of light growing dimmer as they drove away. Now they were truly alone. He felt Kilgrave tremble.

"You're nervous," Jack acknowledged. "It's okay, I'm a little nervous, too."

Kilgrave looked over his shoulder at Jack. "Really?"

"Well, of course, silly, I want everything to be perfect. So let's start with a nice soak in the jacuzzi." He took Kilgrave's hand and led him in. They went through their ritual of undressing each other, but this time it was different. Kilgrave's eyes lingered on every inch of revealed skin, committing each moment to memory, hands trembling, stopping now and again to touch or stroke Jack shyly as though testing the waters. Jack did the same, in addition stopping now and again for a brief, tender kiss that promised so much more.

He led Kilgrave to the jacuzzi and helped him in, then got in himself. He pulled Kilgrave close and they lay together for a bit before he heard the soft groan of Kilgrave allowing himself to relax. Kilgrave cuddled his cheek against Jack's chest, inhaling the scent of the salts.

"We've come so far since we began," Kilgrave murmured. "I've tried very hard, and I'm sorry for all the times I was so difficult."

"I know," Jack replied. "I haven't been perfect, but I've tried hard to help you."

"You saved me."

"Maybe. But you've done a lot to save yourself by deciding to work on yourself, too."

"Got tired of my own bull shit." He looked Jack in the eye. "And I finally realized how sick I am, too. I'll have to work on it the rest of my life. I know that now."

"Maybe you're finally becoming, eh?"

"Velveteen rabbits don't really have fangs, Jack. But I'm trying to file them down a bit."

Jack chuckled. "Okay, then, just be my Luna moth. My Luna moth with a sting."

He smiled. "I can do that."

They lay together quietly for some time before Jack spoke again. "Let's get out, I'm starting to prune."

He helped Kilgrave out and they dried each other off. Jack led him to the bed, then fetched the boxes he had stashed under it.

"A little something special I bought a while back for this very evening," he said. "I live in hope, you see." He handed the bigger box to Kilgrave. It was wrapped in silk and tied with a knot in traditional Japanese style. Kilgrave bit his lip in appreciation and untied the knot. Opening the box, he pulled out a pair of matching kimonos, pale orchid in color and embroidered with pairs of cranes on the back. "You like?"

"Oh, God, Jack," Kilgrave said, laughter bubbling. "Of course I do! Let's put them on."

They helped each other into their kimonos. "Jack, you do know that cranes are used in Japanese wedding ceremonies, don't you?" Kilgrave asked, eyes large, almost afraid of the answer.

"I know." Jack said as he finished tying Kilgrave's kimono. "So we're not married, so what, but this is our special night, and the beginning of a very different phase of our relationship. This is me making you mine. So I thought, 'cranes, what could be better?'" He pulled Kilgrave down on the bed and gave him a long, tender kiss. "And now this." He handed Kilgrave a smaller box. "Go on, open it. Yet another I got in anticipation of tonight, and Muffin, this one is very special."

Kilgrave looked into Jack's eyes for a long moment, almost afraid to open the box. Jack poked him in the ribs. "Open. The. Box."

Kilgrave swallowed, took a deep breath and did as he was told. He pulled out of the box a platinum ring. Wide at the top, engraved deeply into it was a Luna moth. The wings were made entirely out of tiny peridot gems set close together with smoke topaz where the spots on the wings would be and chocolate diamonds for eyes.

Kilgrave swallowed again. His eyes swam. "Not exactly another charm for my collar is it?" he said with a shaky laugh.

"When I said I was going to make you mine, I meant it," Jack said. "More than just my prisoner. We both know you have to be that, but that doesn't mean you can't be more than that. This means you're special to me. This means you belong to my heart, too." He took the ring and slipped it on Kilgrave's ring finger. He took Kilgrave in his arms and guided him on his back. Looking into his eyes, he searched for the emotions he wanted to see there and found them: deep longing, love, trust and desire. And overlaying it all immense gratitude. It was a humbling experience.

"Now," Jack said. "We open our portal so I can see what you need." He looked into Kilgrave's eyes. Kilgrave nodded. Jack placed his fingers on Kilgrave's temples in a feather-light touch. This time when he slipped into Kilgrave's mind it was almost instantly, and he found what he needed just on the surface as Kilgrave's need was at the forefront. "Ah, there it is, all I need to know." Jack said, slipping back out. "You're ready, but you're scared. Don't worry, now I know just what to do. Put yourself in my hands, Muffin. It's going to be a wonderful night, and I have so much to teach you, and so much to learn from you, too."

Kilgrave slipped his arms around Jack's neck. He trembled, every muscle quivering. Jack petted him, kissing him softly until he calmed a bit.

"Don't be afraid," he said. "It's finally time. You've waited and wanted it so long, now it's here you're afraid you'll disappoint, and you're judging yourself. That's not allowed anymore. You're not a whore. You're my darling, and you're precious to me. I'm going to teach you about real love, Muffin."

He didn't give Kilgrave time to respond, time to over-think. He kissed him deeply, beginning the process. Soon he had Kilgrave panting beneath him. "Lesson one," Jack whispered, "Accepting your hyper-sexuality and learning about mine."


	15. Chapter 15 - First Flight part 2

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

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Chapter 15  
First Flight - part2

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 **Sorry for the long delay, life threw some challenges my way, and I wanted to be very careful with this chapter.**

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Jack looked deeply into Kilgrave's eyes. In them he saw a deep wanting and a desire to please, but overlaying that he saw also fear, doubt and sadness. Since he'd just used their portal and Kilgrave's emotions were storming front and center, Jack knew what was going on, but it needed to be talked out.

"Tell me?" Jack schooled his voice, kept it coaxing, not forcing Kilgrave to talk; that would be counter-productive. He had been violated as well as been a violator after all. Forcing him to talk would be another violation. He caressed Kilgrave's cheek. "I'd like to help you, Muffin. You don't have to carry this alone anymore. Especially not after tonight."

He bit his lip, and the words came that Jack fully expected, but knew had to be said: "How can you love me? I don't know how anyone can love me after what I've done. I don't deserve happiness. I want to feel loved, I want it so much, to feel real love, like a real human being, to know what it's like to be more than an experiment and a monster and just a thing let loose on the world leaving destruction in its path. But I just don't know how you can love me. What is it you see in me?" His breath hitched in his throat as he struggled to control his emotions.

Jack just gave him a peck on the lips and said "I see a man who has struggled to change. I see a man who has learned the darkness inside himself was deeper than he thought, and lit a candle against it. I see a man who loved a pterodactyl because he knew what it was like to be seen as ugly and fearful." He paused to trace a finger across Kilgrave's collarbone, appreciating the fine bone structure.

"I see a man who has learned regret when he didn't have to," Jack continued. "One who has learned empathy because he loves me, who cooks now not because he's forced to, but because he likes to see his friends enjoy a good meal. I see a man who understands he's mentally ill and has the courage to admit he will always need help." Again Jack paused and dropped a tender kiss between Kilgrave's eyes.

"And I see a man who feels a need to do good things, even though he knows it won't erase the bad things he did. I see a man who knows he will always struggle with his demons and has the guts to admit it. I see a lost child inside a man brave enough to admit that lost child is there. I see someone who needs me, and isn't afraid to say so. Who loves me and wants me to love him back."

"But―"

"Kilgrave, you don't get it, sweetheart." Jack stroked the soft skin from temple to behind his ear. "We don't get to decide if we deserve love or not. Others do. Deciding if you deserve love or not? Well, that's just your ego talking."

He chuckled then, a sardonic look on his face, a tear trickled from the corner of his eye and into the hair at his temple. "Oh, God, an ego problem? Who, me?"

Jack kissed the damp trail on his temple. Kilgrave slipped his arms around Jack's neck and clung to him. He sniffled. "I'm so sorry for all the rotten, horrible, monstrous things things I did. I can't make them go away. But I know you love me enough to help me. I can work through Torchwood to do good things, yeah? If I'm going to be a real human then I want to do things right, and that would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it? It would make you proud of me wouldn't it? Make me a better person?" He pulled away and looked Jack in the eye, searching for answers.

Even though Jack felt the weight of his responsibility sharply and heavily at that moment, he also felt his heart swell with emotion that Kilgrave so openly expressed his need of Jack's support and guidance.

"Muffin, it already does make you a better person," Jack said. He grinned and nibbled Kilgrave's neck a little, then kissed him. He looked in Kilgrave's eyes, and again since he had used the portal, he found what he had expected: Kilgrave had gotten it off his chest, and now he felt more at peace. "Now before you start up again, no, I don't mind looking after you and guiding you. Honestly, I kind of like it. Maybe that says something about me, I don't know. You aren't a burden. You're here in my arms, and you needing me put you there." Jack's voice grew husky. "You with your big brown eyes and your beautiful little ass and that sexy mouth I love to kiss."

"Oh," Kilgrave said. Jack didn't give him time for anything else, He slowly brought their mouths together, whisper soft, then more firm before covering Kilgrave's mouth completely.

Jack drew back and looked into Kilgrave's eyes, watched and his breath came in a soft panting. He could feel the man's heart pounding in his chest and smell his pheromones, see his face flushed with passion. Yet still...

"Jack, what if―"

"There' no 'what ifs' right now. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow and leave yesterday behind you. What we have right now is this moment. This exact moment. Okay?"

He nodded. "Right. Sorry. God, I'm like some silly virgin, aren't I?"

"Kilgrave, look, how are you supposed to be? This is a new thing for you. So just let me help you through it. Just relax. Let go. I've got you, okay?"

He gave Jack a tiny smile, dropping his lids and sighed. He raised his hand and looked at his new ring, then his hand went to his collar and toyed with his charms. "Right. I'm yours. I belong to you in so many ways. Time to make it every way." He giggled and threw his arms around Jack's neck.

He pulled Jack's face down to his own, and their mouth met, and they crashed into each other, Kilgrave finally giving in, giving himself up to himself and to Jack, surrendering to the moment with a sudden soft huff. Jack found the little sound satisfying, amusing and somehow erotic all at once.

Jack kissed him along his cheek to his ears, then down his long, graceful neck to those fine collarbones, then a little lower. They untied each others kimonos and tossed them to the foot of the bed.

"I have been dying to sample those cute little nipples for the longest time," Jack said with a grin just before latching on to one like a limpet. Kilgrave moaned; his back arched. Jack grinned at the response. "Oh, I like that," he said. Small and delicate and dark and so tasty. Your skin is delicious. You have and under-taste, Muffin. Kind of like champagne. I've never run across anything like it." He moved to the other nipple, teasing and scraping, gentle and insistent, pushing down as Kilgrave's body rose again, trembling and glistening.

"Oh God, that's...that's brilliant." Kilgrave placed a hesitant hand on the back of Jack's head.

Jack kissed his sternum. "What, hasn't anyone ever played with your nipples?"

"Can't say anyone has, no. They just sort of went at it."

"Their loss, Muffin, their loss. And you're really gonna love what I'm going to do next, then, if I'm guessing right."

Jack left a damp trail of light kisses down to his navel, delighting at each twitch. Kilgrave's fingers trebled in Jack's hair. "Whu―what are you doing?" he gasped. "I'm supposed to be the one doing that."

"Now don't tell me no one ever went down on you," Jack said.

"Just the women, when I, well, you know, when I made them do it. None of the men did. No one ever did it willingly. No one ever wanted to. I thought it would be me that did it, you know, like with the other men."

"Well, I want to do it." Jack nipped his belly. "I enjoy it. You'll get to do me, too, if you want."

"Oh, I do, I want, I want to so much."

"Well, you'll have to wait your turn. My turn now."

Jack traced delicate parentheses on either side of his navel with his fingertips, just skirting the light pleasure trail of hair leading from chest to pubes.

"You don't like the hair? I've noticed you don't have any. I can get rid of it. Have it waxed or whatever." Kilgrave combed his fingers across his chest, worrying the dusting of hair there.

"Don't you dare touch a single follicle." Jack spanked his hand. "I don't have chest hair because I just don't have chest hair. But I like variety. I like my fuzzy little Luna moth. So leave your hair alone. It makes you prettier. And it tickles my nose." He kissed Kilgrave's navel, making him twitch again, then went lower and lower.

Jack traced his fingertips along the arches of Kilgrave's hipbones, smiling at the squirming of his round, firm little ass and the hitching gasps. He nipped the tender flesh just above Kilgrave's pubic bone, laved it with his tongue; paused, bathed it with his warm breath. But he still wasn't relaxing enough to suit Jack.

And so he stopped.

Kilgrave looked down in distress. "Wh―why'd you stop? Did I do something wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothing, Muffin," Jack soothed. "It's not what you're doing, it's how you're thinking. This isn't just from using our portal. I'm very perceptive. I'm getting that vibe from you again. So let's call this a teachable moment. Repeat, please. 'I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual.'"

Kilgrave looked Jack in the eye. "I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual."

"Again, with conviction."

"I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual."

"Much better," Jack said, rewarding him with a kiss to his belly. "Again."

"I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual."

Another rewarding kiss, this time a little lower since Kilgrave sounded a little more confident. "Again."

"I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual."

Kissing each hip bone, Jack said "Every time you start having those bad thoughts, I want you to say that to yourself for me, okay?"

He looked down at Jack, fingertips gentle in his hair, a look of gratitude in his eyes and a soft smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "I will, but you have to show me more about it, you know."

"Saucy," Jack chuckled. "But that's good. Means you're relaxing into it."

He hooked a slender leg around Jack, caressing his back with his foot, a winsome look on his face. "I'll go one better. I'll not only say that, I'll say 'I belong to Jack Harkness, and I'm proud.' But first you have to keep your end of the deal, my Captain."

"I'm going to. Now you just relax and let me do what I want." Jack traced his hands along Kilgrave's sides down to his hips, sliding them beneath his buttocks. God, how long had he waited to do this? "I want you to just let go. Let your hyper-sexuality loose. Let it take you as often as you can. And then I'll do the same." Kilgrave nodded, then gasped as Jack took him into his mouth.

With a soft cry followed by a deep gasp, then a louder cry he went over the edge almost immediately, body arched, head thrown back.

"That's it," Jack said, "Give yourself over to it. Let yourself be your natural hyper-sexual. Do it for yourself. Do it for me. Let me enjoy it, too."

He paused only long enough to fish a bottle of lube from the pocket of his trousers. He went back for seconds, wetting a finger and slipping it inside his lover.

Kilgrave moaned, then said "I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual. I belong to Jack Harkness, and I'm proud."

Jack kissed his inner thighs. "That's just right, sweetheart. And your Captain loves you just as your are." Jack went back to his ministrations, a physical demonstration of his words, showing his love with his mouth and his hands.

He found what should have been a normal prostate, but didn't feel quite like one. Slightly larger but a bit softer than normal, it had a firm core withing in which grew firmer as Jack massaged it. This time when Kilgrave peaked he rose violently so that only his heels and shoulders touched the mattress and he called out Jack's name in a strangled cry of pure joy.

Jack took him over the edge again and again until he was satisfied that Kilgrave had relaxed into his natural hyper-sexuality; he felt loose and relaxed now. Jack slid back up his body and took a tender kiss. "I loved that," Jack said. "You have no idea how long I've waited to do that. Not just for you, but for me, too. You taste so good. Like I said, an under-taste like champagne. You're delicious, Muffin. I'll be having a lot of that."

Kilgrave glowed now, his body gleaming with a light sweat. He grinned like a Cheshire cat. "No complaints from me. My turn now?"

Jack rolled the both of them over, spreading his legs to let Kilgrave's lower body slip between them. It's been a long time since I got to let myself be truly hyper-sexual with anyone," he admitted. "Just didn't feel right. But I can with you because you know what it is be be like me." He let his fingers comb through Kilgrave's hair, light and gentle. "So you go ahead. Do what you like a few times. And then well do more things. But then I want to show you what it's like to extend your love-making. Okay?"

"I put myself in your very capable hands, my Captain," Kilgrave whispered. He kissed his way down from Jack's mouth to jaw, neck and nipples, going lower and lower. He took Jack's member in his hand, not moving it, just holding it until his lips hovered over it. He looked up at Jack, eyes filled with both lust and adoration. He kissed the tip, then took Jack into his mouth.

It had indeed been a long time since Jack had let himself be his natural hyper-sexual self, and he had to take a few deep breaths and relax into it before the first wave of pleasure hit. He had forgotten what it was like to go over the edge like that in wave after wave after wave. Each climax was wonderful, of course, but not as intense as when he prolonged the act. Kilgrave enjoyed each one, however, each one sharpening his appetite for the next, causing him to strive for it; to go deeper, faster, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked harder each time. He protested softly when Jack gently guided him off by his shoulders.

"Now it's time for something more," said Jack. He held Kilgrave and kissed him deeply, tasting himself in Kilgrave's mouth. He broke away to find the lube and position his lover on his back, guiding his legs into place. He pushed lube deep inside him, triggering him over the edge in the process. "So responsive," Jack chuckled as he spread lube on himself. "I'm pretty sure we'll both enjoy this." He positioned himself, finding the right angle as Kilgrave slipped his long legs around his waist. "We'll enjoy this a while. You might feel full after a while, but it'll be okay. After a while I'm going to tell you it's time to try extending your love-making time. You'll need to focus on your emotions then. It might be difficult for you the first few times, but practice makes perfect."

"You told me once it's more satisfying," Kilgrave said, his eyes full of curiosity, passion, deep affection. "I guess I'm about to find out, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," Jack said. "Ready?"

"Oh, Jack, it's all I've dreamed of for so long, now. And don't worry about filling me up. I want you to fill me up. I want to drown in you."

"Oh, God," Jack groaned. He pushed himself in slowly. When he was halfway in Kilgrave cried out, his fingers digging into Jack's shoulders. Jack felt him spill between their bodies. He kissed his lover and sheathed himself fully, just lying still pressed flush into that hot tightness for around a minute when Kilgrave cried out again, his body clamping down around Jack, and this time it took Jack with him. He filled his lover again and again, each time triggering Kilgrave's own body to arch up in response with his own climax.

"Be still, now," Jack said. "Take some deep breaths. I want some kisses and cuddles. We stay together, but focus on your emotions now. Try not to have a climax, okay?"

Kilgrave swallowed, nodding his compliance.

Now it was all slow and tender, gentle kisses, stroking each others skin. Jack began to move slow and gentle.

"Oh," Kilgrave cried, then moaned. "This is going to be a bit difficult, Jack."

"You can do it, sweetheart,"Jack whispered. "Focus on our love. This isn't fucking. This is love-making. Look into my eyes, sweetheart. When you think you might loose control, look into my eyes and tell me you love me."

Jack began to move again. They kept their gaze locked except when they kissed. Every few thrusts Kilgrave would gasp "I love you."

Jack would stop for a few seconds to let him gain control, then begin to move again. Gradually Kilgrave gained more and more control. Suddenly he gasped. "Oh. Oh, God, I see now. Oh, Jack this is brilliant. The longer I wait, the better it feels."

"That's right, sweetheart." Jack gave him an approving smile. "Doing better now, yeah?"

"Yes, yes I am but still I...oh...I love you!"

Jack stilled himself a few seconds. "It's okay," he soothed. You're doing really well, sweetheart. Keep waiting until I say it's okay to let go, all right?"

"It's so good, and it keeps feeling better and better," he gasped. "When you came in me before, so many times I feel full...when you come this time, will it be more satisfying for you? When you come, will you fill me up even more than the other times?"

"That's how it's always been, yes. A stronger orgasm and more comes out of me, so yes. There will be a lot. You'll be very full."

"Jack, be still a minute, okay?"

"You all right, Muffin?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It's just―I know you noticed my prostate is different. Dad told me I respond more when I'm very full. I just wanted to let you know that the more full I am the better it is. That's all."

"Don't think about that," Jack said. "Just think of it as a difference. A beautiful difference. One I intend the make the most of. One I will use to give you as much pleasure as I can, as often as you want it."

"Then fill me up, Captain, as much and as often as you can," he whispered. He tightened his legs around Jack. "I love you. And that's not a 'slow down' I love you. That's me telling you I love you and I love what you're doing to me. It's like the longer it goes on the more the heat in me builds. Burn me, Jack. Scorch me from the inside out. I want it. I want it hard and fast."

He felt Jack swell inside him then and watched as his nostrils flared. A thrill ran up Kilgrave's spine at that, seeing his Jack come so fully into his alpha male mode, yet with all the tenderness of a lover besotted. As Jack moved inside him harder and faster now it was more and more difficult to hold off, yet denying himself release only increased the pleasure more and more. Jack began first to grunt, then between the grunts came groans and Kilgrave joined in with his own.

He was on the knife's edge now. He whimpered. He tried to say "I love you" to make Jack stop a minute, but he couldn't get the words out. Yet somehow he still managed not to lose control. It was like being on the inside of a great bell which rang, vibrating him from the inside out.

His Captain seemed to sense he was about to lose control. "Hold on, sweetheart," he murmured. "Just a little longer."

Kilgrave dug his fingers into Jack's shoulders with a moan, tightening his legs yet more, glorying in feeling Jack move in the seed that filled him already. He was burning, catching fire. Soon he would be a liquid inferno inside. He heard himself cry out.

Jack stopped just long enough for a searing kiss. "You're ready now, my love," he said. "It's time. When you feel me come, let yourself go, all right?"

"Yes, my Captain," Kilgrave gasped.

Jack held him tight and firm, moving deep and hard, masterful but not in any way that made him feel used or cheapened but rather cherished, claimed. "Oh, sweetheart," Jack whimpered. "So beautiful, so good. Oh, I―oh God!"

And then he felt Jack swell and throb inside him, felt the hot wetness begin to fill and fill him, and over the edge he went. Unspeakably powerful waves of pleasure took him the likes of which he had never imagined. He heard himself cry out a wordless song of passion and love.

And he was burning with greek fire to his very soul and he had been told of falling in love but this wasn't falling. No, this wasn't falling at all.

This was flying.


	16. Chapter 16 - First Flight – part 3

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Chapter 16

First Flight – part 3

* * *

sorry for the long delay on this chapter - I had major life problems.

* * *

Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Chapter 16

First Flight – part 3

Reluctant to uncouple, Jack lay on top of his lover, holding his weight up on one elbow so he could touch the glowing, glistening face and kiss those panting, swollen lips blushed deep wine by his spent passion. Poor elbow, it finally cried out for relief, so Jack rolled them on their sides, hooking a leg around Kilgrave to hold him flush with his own body.

"I love the look on your face," Jack murmured, then gave a soft chuckle, still breathless from his spent passion.

"What look is that?" Kilgrave gasped. It really would have knocked his socks off, had he been wearing any.

"A little, oh, I don't know...not confused. Befuddled! That's the word."

"Well, I am! I didn't know it was going to feel that damned good." He gasped. "Oooo. Are you getting hard again? You are!"

"I did warn you I was going to love you until you're too weak to get out of bed." Keeping a firm hold with one arm and a leg, Jack managed to roll onto his back and position Kilgrave so that he now straddled Jack's lap. "Want to top from the bottom?"

"I—well, you can guide me, but Jack, I can never..." He sighed and gave Jack the tenderest of smiles, his eyes again filled with uncertainty. He looked into Jack's eyes as if seeking some answer there, or the courage to speak. His expression changed just slightly, as though he found some answer in the blue depths. "I can never initiate sex on my own, you know. I just can't. I'm not comfortable with the thought, not after what I've done. You can give me guidelines though!" He gave Jack a smile, as if he hoped Jack understood what he meant.

"You mean like telling you I like to be waked with oral sex?" Jack grinned.

"Yes! Like that!"

"Now see, you don't have to be afraid to share your feelings with me, do you? I understand more than you think, Muffin."

He bent down and gave Jack a kiss. The movement caused Jack to groan with pleasure and Kilgrave laughed into his mouth. "So you want me to ride you, then?"

"Yeah." Jack pushed his hips up, holding Kilgrave by his slim waist. "I do."

"You still have to help me make it last, you know."

"Why don't you just stop when you need to stop?"

"Silly Jack," Kilgrave purred. "I like you telling me how to do it right now. I'll get the hang of it, but I'm new to it. You have to help me!" This last with the puppy-dog eyes.

Jack curled his hands around Kilgrave's hips so as to guide his movements, starting slow and gentle, keeping their eyes locked. Kilgrave's lips parted, his tongue flicked out and he began to pant. His body rocked, sinuous, almost dance-like, his eyes slightly out of focus, reminding Jack of the inner Kilgrave that needed him to lead him. The outer Kilgrave might not actually be blind, but he needed Jack to show him the way still.

Jack watched his muscles twitch beneath his smooth, pale skin as passion took him further and further into a near trance-like state, the Captain paying close attention to help him control himself. He skated the flat of his hand up to Kilgrave's chest, pressing his palm there to gauge his heart rate while also minding his respiration and pupillary response. He knew when to use his hands to hold Kilgrave's hips still, with a gentle hushing sound, petting his sides and his thighs with soft, soothing touches, his hands full of love, enjoying practicing patience with him.

He relished reading Kilgrave's body language and facial expressions. His lover's torso undulated, more dance-like than ever now, artlessly graceful. He glowed, glistening with sweat. A drop splatted on Jack's chest. Kilgrave slid his hand across it, then up to Jack's mouth, letting his lover suck and nibble his fingers. He moaned as he took in Jack's passionate response to the oral stimulation.

Gaining more control now, Kilgrave moved a little faster, his lungs heaving, his heart pounding. His whimpers were a delight to hear. Jack could tell he was pushing himself now and enjoying the challenge of controlling himself.

"Yes," he hissed. "Like this. Oh, it's so good, Jack, Jack..."

"Almost there, Muffin" Jack encouraged.

Kilgrave bit his swollen lower lip, bucking faster and harder, making the most delightful little pleading sounds with each movement. Jack raised his hips to meet each one until the little sounds became louder and more desperate. It was time.

Jack grasped his hips firmly and bucked up into his body, guiding him to move hard and fast. "Now, baby, let go now."

Kilgrave gripped Jack's sides, his head tossed back. He cried out and his body quivered, his thighs clamped around Jack as his body did the same to Jack's member. He spilled across Jack's Jack's belly as they found their release together before he collapsed on top of Jack, gasping. Jack wrapped his arms around his lover whose body had suddenly gone loose, like a large, warm and cuddly rag doll in his arms. Jack rained kisses on his head, face and finally his lips. He then took a much longer and more tender kiss. "Say it."

Kilgrave giggled, then gasped "I am not a whore. I am a hyper-sexual. I belong to Captain Jack Harkness, and I'm proud. And I love you. And you love me! There! See?"

"Know what else you are? Beautiful. You're glowing. But my pet is all sweaty and sticky now. Time for another session in the jacuzzi and maybe a snack, yeah?"

Jack didn't wait for an answer, he stood up and scooped up his lover and carried him to the Jacuzzi and stepped in, easing Kilgrave into the water before settling in himself. He leaned back against the side, then pulled Kilgrave into his arms.

"Mmmmm, nice," Kilgrave said, his voice soft, contented.

"You're probably a little more tired than you thought you would be, am I right?'

"Yeah, actually, yeah. Making it last like that, then when I finally have an orgasm, well it really takes a lot out of me, more than I ever thought. You said it would, but I had no idea really." He smiled up at Jack. "It's such a beautiful feeling,. I'm so glad I have you. I'm so grateful for what has become of me now. None of this would have happened if not for you and the Doctor."

He held up his hand to admire his new ring. "I never thought I could be this happy," Kilgrave went on. "I have every reason in the world to prove myself worthy of your faith in me. And the Doctor's faith in me, too. And Gwen and Ianto, too." He slipped his arms around Jack's neck and gave him a kiss. "I have more now that I'm a prisoner than I ever had in my whole life, even when I could have anything I wanted just by telling someone to give it to me."

Jack took his hand and kissed his knuckle just above the ring. "Mine," he said. "All mine. I love taking care of you, you know."

Kilgrave smiled. "I know. Even when I'm naughty."

"Sometimes especially when you're naughty," Jack confessed with a grin of his own.

Kilgrave put on a pouty face, obviously for Jack's benefit. "So take care of me now, I don't quite know my way round here yet and I want a snack."

"Come on, then, Muffin," Jack said, ready to indulge him. He helped his charge out of the jacuzzi and they dried each other off, helping each other into their kimonos.

Jack took Kilgrave's hand and led him to the cabin's own kitchen downstairs. He guided his lover to a sofa near the kitchen and had him sit. "I'm getting the snacks this time. I want to spoil you a little." he said. He went to the kitchen and made toast and put it on a tray with a pot of Aggie's blackcurrant jam along with two glasses of milk. Along with the toast and milk he added a bowl of cherries so dark red they were nearly black and some slices cheese.

Settling on the sofa, the tray on a nearby table, Jack watched as Kilgrave sampled his first bite of Aggie's blackcurrant jam.. He closed his eyes and gave a soft groan of pleasure. "Oh, Jack, do you think I could charm her into giving me the recipe?" He bit a sizable half-moon out of his slice of toast.

Jack chuckled, kissing a smudge of jam from his bottom lip. "I bet when I tell her how much you love it and lay a little guilt trip on her she will. Someone needs to keep me in this ambrosia once she's passed on, after all. She knows how much I love it."

"Oh, that's playing dirty," Kilgrave feigned outrage. "Still, you have a point. Jack must have his blackcurrant jam."

"And who better to make it for me than my own personal gourmet, eh?"

They tore off bits of toast and fed them to each other along with the cheese and cherries. After finishing their snack Jack and Kilgrave cleared up the mess together. Jack grabbed the little pot of blackcurrant jam and handed it to Kilgrave. "Hold this," he instructed. Grabbing a bottle of champagne he'd had chilling in the fridge in one hand, hefted his lover over one shoulder, eliciting a response best described as a squeal. Then it was back up the stairs they went.

Depositing his lover on the foot of the bed, Jack went to the small en suite bar to pour their champagne. When he turned around he found Kilgrave had gone out to the balcony again, his head tipped up in admiration of the stars and moon. Jack put on some music.

He stood in the doorway a long moment just admiring the way the moonlight traced the lines and curves of his lover's form. He must have sighed as Kilgrave looked over his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. His eyelids dropped half-mast as he untied his kimono and slipped it off, careful to fold it and lay it in the seat of a nearby chair. He leaned against be balcony railing, one foot hooked behind the other ankle, the moon shining on his pale skin lending him a near magical quality. The silver light and deep shadows painted lines along his long, graceful back and accentuated his little round ass. So, too it showed off his lengthy, graceful legs. He looked simply breath-taking.

"I'd love to take a picture of you," Jack said. "Not a dirty kind of picture. One to have a painting done from. You're so damned beautiful. I won't if you aren't comfortable with my doing it, though. I mean, I know..."

"It's okay," Kilgrave said softly. "You aren't them, my Captain. You aren't making porn of me. This isn't you exploiting me. This is love. I'll do it for you, without question."

"Really?" Jack's tone rose so high he sounded like a little kid in a candy shop. He could feel a grin spread across his face. "You trust me that much, huh?"

"I might have started out an unwilling prisoner, Jack, but in case you haven't noticed..."

"Oooo, sarcasm." Jack gave him his best fake frown and Kilgrave giggled. "Just stand there and…be beautiful.

The camera in his phone wouldn't do. This had to be a photo of the highest quality, so he fetched his camera from his bag. He snapped a good dozen or so photos and knew he had at least four perfect poses as Kilgrave turned his head to look over one shoulder, his body artlessly graceful, his expression somewhat dreamy, the corners of his lips just barley turned up. The angle of his face showed off his jawline, cheekbones, eyes and full bottom lip to say nothing of his beautiful body. Even the moon and stars seemed to cooperate to make the perfect backdrop. Jack planned to have the artist paint a little Luna moth somewhere in the piece.

Putting the camera away, Jack slipped off his own kimono and, grabbing their glasses of champagne, joined his lover on the balcony. He handed Kilgrave his drink and they toasted each other, draining their glasses. Jack put the aside and took Kilgrave in his arms. "How about a little naked dancing on the balcony," he purred into Kilgrave's ear. His partner shuddered with pleasure at the sensation and again, even more so as their bare bodies swayed and rubbed together to the slow, soft music.

The notes of _Sicilienne_ drifted out to the balcony. Jack could see the moon reflected in Kilgrave's dark gaze. He shivered in Jack's arms, snuggling closer as they danced, his skin chilled by the cold night air. Jack grinned inwardly at Kilgrave's refusal to complain. He took Kilgrave's kimono from the chair and made him put it back on, then danced his lover indoors, sliding the door shut behind him with his foot. He danced them closer to the fireplace, easing Kilgrave to the floor.

The fireplace was ready, so Jack only needed to light it and settle down beside Kilgrave and pull him close. Soon enough between the warmth of his embrace and the flames the chill gradually left his lover's skin, yet he shivered still. Jack nuzzled his neck, kissing him lightly there and nuzzled his ear as well, then returned to his neck, using touches so light he produced a giggle and felt Kilgrave finally relaxing again. He eased off the kimono and took it to a chair beside the bed, folded it and set it aside and picked up the pot of blackcurrant jam. He went to the cupboard and fetched a spare blanket. Spreading the blanket in front of the fire, he made himself comfy on it and patted the area beside himself: come here. Kilgrave went to him, crawling on all fours and Jack thought he'd never seen anything so sexy in his life. He handed the pot of jam to Kilgrave. "Want to do a little body painting? Mind, you'll have to clean it off."

"What, and waste that lovely jam? I guess I'll have to just use my tongue, then, yeah?"

"We can take turns," Jack said with a grin. He laid on his back. "You first. I'm your canvas. He guided Kilgrave on top of him so that his lover straddled him.

Kilgrave dipped his fingers into the jam and smeared some on Jack's lips, then kissed it off. Growing bolder, he smeared some more on his lover's chest and belly and scooted down further to paint little designs, writing out the words "lover" and "My Captain" before erasing them with his tongue. Jack moaned with pleasure.

The he moved lower. "I'm going to paint it like a candy cane," Kilgrave grinned. It took him several tries of painting and licking clean before he was happy with his results. But not as happy as he made Jack.

The fire was burning low by the time Jack had finished his turn and the little pot was empty of jam. They were sticky all over and needed another bath as well. Jack again lifted Kilgrave from the tub and dried him off, taking him to their bed. He looked tired – Jack had used all his skills as a hyper-sexual to give Kilgrave as much pleasure as he could handle. But he had promised to leave him satisfied, so one more time couldn't hurt, could it?

"Come here, you," Jack growled.

"Again? Already?"

"I did say, you know."

"So you did."

"I want you to feel like you've been loved as much as you want. I want to wear you out."

"Then I guess you better had get to work," Kilgrave said, slipping his arms around Jack's neck. "We have a few hours left before sunrise."

"It won't take that long," Jack said, a cocky grin on his face. "I'm going to make you wait a long time for this one. And when you come, you'll come so hard you'll beg me to stop."

"Oh, my, I like the sound of that."

Jack rolled on top of him, spreading his legs. It didn't take long before he was inside, filling him again and again, yet denying his lover release. Then he rolled over and had Kilgrave ride him, and still again and again he filled his body, Kilgrave whimpering with pleasure. He took his lover from behind, taking control completely. Kilgrave was nearly in tears by now. On his back again and cradled in hisCaptain's arms Jack moved slowly, tenderly, kissing his lover's face gently. He wanted to watch when he finally let Kilgrave find completion, because this one would shatter him.

"You're beautiful," he said. "I can't stop, sweetheart. I can never stop making love to you. I don't know what you're doing to me but I can't get enough of you."

"Jack, please, I can't...it's killing me. Please...let me…: Kilgrave sobbed.

"Yes, baby, yes, let go. Come for me. Do it now," Jack growled.

Kilgrave's heels dug into Jack's back painfully. His fingers gripped Jack's shoulders like narrow steel bands. His body arched upward. His head tipped back as he cried out, his body drenched with sweat. He shuddered from head to toe. Again and again he gasped and cried out, then finally went completely limp in Jack's arms.

Jack held him, stoking his glowing skin, kissing his swollen lips. His eyes drooped. Jack smiled. "You look so satisfied."

"Never felt this before," Kilgrave mumbled. "Sleepy now."

"Said I'd love you until you didn't think you could get out of bed, didn't I?"

"Mmmm-hmmm"

"Well?"

"Afmble m'C'p'n."

"What's that?" Jack hungered for him still. He had meant it when he said he couldn't stop. But that was the magic of a love like this for Jack. It took another hyper-sexual to bring it out. He could never get enough.

But Jack didn't get an answer. Kilgrave was sound asleep.


	17. Chapter 17 - First Flight - part 4

There were drawbacks to not sleeping much, but also advantages. In this case the advantage was Jack being able to cuddle his lover and watch his soundly sleeping face. Kilgrave's sleep was so deep, in fact, that when one position grew uncomfortable Jack could shift him in his arms without ever waking him, though a time or two there was a moan or mumble, usually accompanied by Kilgrave tightening his arms around Jack just a little and cuddling in a bit closer.

Finally Jack kissed the top of his head and whispered "Wakey, wakey." Kilgrave moaned. Jack rolled him onto his back and kissed his cheeks, then his mouth. He moved to his jaw, then his throat and on to his nipples. The moans mixed with groans of pleasure as Jack lingered there. Kilgrave's fingers threaded through Jack's hair.

"Thought I was the one that was supposed to be doing this," he gasped.

"Another time," Jack said, nuzzling his way to Kilgrave's sternum, enjoying the way his chest hair tickled his nose. "We'll get our little rituals down with time. Let me have my wicked way with you for now."

"Well, okay then," Kilgrave said in a half gasp, half giggle. "When you put it that way."

"Such yummy skin, like a champagne breakfast," He kissed his way down to his lover's navel. "Want to go hyper-sexual for me? I'd like that." He kissed his way further down and claimed what was his.

"Uhn...can't exactly refuse my Captain. Oh, Jack, I..." He gasped, his lungs heaving. Jack became more insistent, greedy, taking pleasure in tipping Kilgrave over the edge. Three times in quick succession Jack gave Kilgrave as much pleasure as he could, employing his well honed skills, and then licked and nipped his way back up to Kilgrave's mouth for more kisses.

"Now it's my turn." Kilgrave said, licking his lips.

"Wait a little." Jack cradled him in his arms, and with the gentlest of kisses, placed his fingertips on Kilgrave's temples, opening their portal. He found the inner Kilgrave easily and swiftly this time. Prepared this time for his sightless eyes, he settled himself beside his love and kissed him with that phenomenal psychic kiss.

"Why are you here?" Kilgrave's mind queried.

"Because you have rendered me speechless when you fell beside me. Your arms are like the wings of a beautiful, fragile flying thing I want to help fly."

"You could show me this with your body."

"I will show you this with my body, but I wanted to touch your heart and your mind, too. This is the morning or our love, and the sun is shining."

"Then come and let me see it. I am blind here, as you know, and can only see it through your eyes. Let me see it with my own eyes."

Another psychic kiss and Jack slipped back out only to replace the psychic kiss with a physical one. The one coming just after the other left Kilgrave breathless, his face flushed pink with desire.

"Your eyes are like the souls of beautiful little mythical creatures I heard about when I was a boy, back on Boeshane," Jack said.

A hushed "Jack." was the only answer he got, but what Jack saw was all the answer he needed: the man Kilgrave might have been if his life had not been ruined from the time he was a child. Their limbs tangled like their hearts. Kilgrave kept his word as he kissed his way down Jack's belly to the valley of his deepest pleasures, drawing out his his inmost cries of love and passion with a veracity that damn near broke his heart.

They laid together for nearly an hour in silent revery, basking in the miracle of discovering each other. Finally Kilgrave pulled Jack up. "I want a bath, love. And a good, proper breakfast. And then you can decide what kind of day we're to have. But I'm going to have some time in the kitchen some time today, right?"

"Of course. But I want you to go riding with me today."

"Oh, Jack, horses? Really?"

"You like a pterodactyl, but you turn your nose up at a horse? Are you biased?"

He sighed. "After the kitchen!" he insisted.

"Deal," Jack agreed.

"Bath first."Kilgrave said. "Can we have some more of those bath salts? They smell so nice."

As they got in the jacuzzi they could see Aggie and Bill arriving in their car and knew breakfast would soon be waiting. After the promised soaking in the fragrant bath salts Jack picked out Kilgrave's outfit for the day – jeans and a thick wool jumper. He held open the bedroom door for him and watched as the man Kilgrave might have been faded and the wariness come back. Jack curled an arm around him and pulled him close. He said nothing, but let his touch telegraph comfort. Aggie and Bill were still strangers to Kilgrave. Wariness was his go-to emotion. This was going to take patience.

They had only just come downstairs when there was a knock on the door. "Go and answer it," Jack encouraged. "You're sharing this cabin with me, it's your place to be a good host, too." He was going to get him out of that shell one way or another. Kilgrave gave him the puppy-dog eyes but Jack just swatted his bottom and said "Go on, then." He grinned inwardly at the pretty pout that earned him.

Nonetheless, Kilgrave answered the door. It was Bill. "Aggie says breakfast is ready, and not to dally else it will get cold." Kilgrave gave him a nod. "And she says if your to learn the kitchen you're to come help set the table. I'd do as she says if I was you."

Kilgrave looked over his shoulder at Jack and grinned. "Horses will have to wait, Jack. So sayeth Aggie."

Jack shook his fist in feigned ire. All of this earned them a chuckle from Bill. Kilgrave went to Jack and grabbed his hand, tugging him along. The anticipation of getting into the kitchen seemed to have banished Kilgrave's doubts. Bill led them to the croft.

The coffee and tea and just finished up when they came in. Aggie gestured to the cupboard where the cups and saucers waited. A tray sat on the counter and Kilgrave expertly loaded it with four cups and four saucers, a sugar bowl and a small pitcher of milk that sat near the teapot. He placed the teapot and the coffee pot on the tray and took it to the big table in the dining area.

When he returned Aggie gave him a disapproving look. He raised a brow at her. "If I'm to cook for all of us, you're to eat with us. You wanted the table set. I'm setting it. I know this isn't they way you usually do things, but you usually don't have someone helping you on the kitchen. I want you to feel comfortable around me, so I want you and Bill to have breakfast with us. Please?"

Jack watched as she melted under the spell of those big, brown puppy-dog eyes and his sweet smile. He really could pour on the charm when he wanted to, the manipulative little shit. Jack added in with a pleading gesture of his own and she buckled. "Oh, go on with you, then, all right. But I'll not be making a habit of it!"

"Thank you, Aggie, it's our honor, truly," said Kilgrave. He smiled at her warmly, then went to fetch the plates and flatware.

Aggie brought in their breakfast: sausage, eggs and shortcakes with blackcurrant jam. She and Bill sat stiffly and awkwardly at first.

"Aggie you must give me the recipe for this jam," Kilgrave said. "I cook for everyone back home, and Jack loves it so. It's the best I've ever had. I have to know how you do it."

"My old Gran showed me, it's not hard at all. My, but you really do care about feeding your loved ones, don't you?"

"A good meal can make a horrible day better and a good day perfect," Kilgrave said. "Making a meal the best you can make it is another way of showing someone you want them to be happy."

"Well, as it happens there should still be a few blackcurrants left. Maybe we could fit that in tomorrow if Bill can find us some."

Jack raised his hand in an offer to help. "Just say the word and show me the way. Kilgrave is right, I'd love to have this ambrosia at home, Aggie. You don't know how badly I crave it sometimes. You can't buy it in a store. It just doesn't measure up to yours."

Aggie blushed. "Go on with you," she waved her hand at him, but she took the compliment.

After they finished Kilgrave started clearing up before Aggie had a chance to rise. She looked at Jack, curiosity plain on her face.

"He's a neat freak," Jack explained. "He'll have you kitchen sparking in no time flat. He likes taking care of people. It's a new skill and he's proud of it."

"He seems comfortable doing it, but he's not here to do housework, is he?" Aggie asked. "I'll show him how to cook the lamb and make the blackcurrant jelly, but you need to get him out of the kitchen, not meaning to talk out of my place. It's just he seems not to know what to do when he's not doing for others. So after the kitchen is cleared, why not take him with you to pick those berries. Get him outdoors for a while."

"I can saddle up a couple of horses," Bill said. "The reason there's blackcurrants left is they're on the other side of the big hill and my old bones didn't want to carry me over it."

"Just one horse, he'll ride with me. He's not familiar with horses." Jack said. "Not the big stallion. Saddle up Mazy. She's docile and has a smooth gait."

"Aye, a good choice for a novice," Bill nodded.

"I'd best get in the kitchen and help with the clearing up," Aggie said, rising.

Kilgrave returned and freshened Jack's cup of coffee. Aggie gathered dishes and Kilgrave took up the food platters. Jack smiled at their kitchen chatter.

When Jack took his coffee cup and saucer to the kitchen Kilgrave was just shining up the last of the plates and flatware. Aggie held up her frying pan admiring the shine he had put on it. She put the pan away and took Jack's cup and saucer and washed them, muttering under her breath "I'd hang on to this one if I was you."

Kilgrave dried and put away the cup and saucer. Aggie surveyed the kitchen. "Well done, I say. It goes so quickly with two pairs of hands. What am I do do with the rest of the morning?"

"Put your feet up and work on your crocheting?" Kilgrave suggested, giving her a smile.

"I just might do," she said. I just finished a scarf and started on a new one, I may just have a good bit of it done by lunch."

Jack went to Kilgrave and took his hand. "Come on, let's get your coat."

"Where are we going?"

"To the barn first, then berry picking. You want to make jam, don't you?"

"Yes, but...horses? Jack, does it have to be on a horse?"

"Come on, a little adventure will be good for you."

"The berries won't pick themselves." Aggie said. "And if a handsome man asked me to go for a ride I wouldn't make him wait." She gave Kilgrave wink and nudged him towards to door.

Jack helped Kilgrave into his coat and they went to the barn, Jack's steps more bouncy than his companion's. There were two men there besides Bill. Kilgrave supposed it was their job to care for the horses. He shrank closer to Jack – he hadn't been warned there would be strangers here, but he supposed he should have known. Horses need to be cared for and Bill is old.

Jack noticed Kilgrave draw closer to him and said, sotto voce, "It's okay, they're just stable-hands and I check out everyone that works for me thoroughly."

"I'm fine," Kilgrave assured him. "I just didn't expect anyone besides Bill and Aggie. Now I know they're here it's fine." He stepped forward, curious now to see the going's on. One of the men along with Bill was readying a red mare. This must be the one he and Jack would be riding.

"Tommy, this is Kilgrave." Jack said to the stable hand. "I'll be teaching him how to ride."

Tommy nodded. "Nice to meet you," he said. "Not been around horses before, then, yeah?"

"Not as such, no," Kilgrave said. "Never so much as touched one."

"Give it a chance, then, yeah?" Tommy gave him an encouraging smile. "Now, Jack, he knows horses. He'll teach you. They really are amazing, you know."

"You love them that much?" asked Kilgrave.

"Have done since I was a lad."

Bill went to a nearby table a fetched a bowl. In it was sliced apples. "Brought these out here for you. Jack, show him how to feed one of the horses, how to pet them."

"Great idea," Jack agreed. Kilgrave took the bowl and led Kilgrave to a different mare, this one heavily pregnant. He showed Kilgrave how to hold the apple slices, then instructed him on how to pet her.

Kilgrave hesitated, but once the mare accepted his attention he enjoyed it. He gave her some apple slices. Jack gave him more tips and safety precautions before letting him wander. "Just stay away from the big dappled one," Jack cautioned. "He's our stud, and he's very spirited and honestly he's on the mean side. But he's good breeding stock and I love riding him. That's one you, however, will not be riding."

Jack went to look for saddlebags while they finished readying Mazy. From the corner of his eye he could see Kilgrave going from horse to horse, petting each one cautiously and giving then their treats. Jack found the saddlebags he wanted and a knapsack as well. When he turned around he saw Kilgrave and the big dapple eyeing each other. Kilgrave stepped forward. The big dapple stretched out his neck in curiosity.

"Kilgrave, step back," Jack said.

But Kilgrave seemed mesmerized by the big dapple's gaze. He stepped closer and extended his hand. The horse nuzzled it, nostrils flaring. "You're not so bad," Kilgrave said.

The stable hands and Bill had noticed now and eased closer quietly, not wanting to excite the horse and cause him to harm Kilgrave, but ready to take action if anything happened.

Kilgrave gave the horse an apple slice. The animal made an odd chortling sound, nodding his big head. Kilgrave laughed and gave him more apple. He stroked the horse's neck. "It's not easy, is it?" Kilgrave said. "I know. It's hard, being the bogeyman. They just don't know what you want yet. They don't know what you need." Kilgrave gave him the last of the apple slices.

"Kilgrave, I think it would be good if you gave him some space, now." Jack's voice was heavy with authority.

"Eh? Oh! Sorry, sorry," Kilgrave stepped away, slow and cautious, conscious that he had disobeyed Jack now and embarrassed. "I...it's just that...I think he just wants to be touched more, ridden more. He's not a monster, Jack."

Tommy said "See, Steve, I told you so, and he doesn't know a thing about horses! Bailey is lonely because everyone is afraid of him."

"You think so?" Jack asked Kilgrave, considering his ability to connect with the weevils and with Myfanwy. He slipped his arm around Kilgrave's waist in reassurance.

Kilgrave nodded. "He's like Myfanwy. He doesn't mind I'm...well, you know."

Jack turned to Tommy. "See that Bailey has more time spent with him. Kilgrave has a knack for these things, regardless of species."

"Consider it done, sir," said Tommy.

Jack handed the knapsack to Kilgrave. "For our berries," he said. He gave Kilgrave a smile, and Kilgrave's concerns about displeasing Jack vanished. "Mazy is ready, time for our ride, now."


	18. Chapter 18 - First Flight - part 5

Sorry for the long wait - life has been crazy and I have no beta reader. I hope this is worth the wait.

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"You okay?" Jack asked for the fifth time.

"I think so," Kilgrave replied yet again, still gripping the saddle horn.

"You're doing really well."

"It's much more fun than I thought it would be."

Jack could feel the taut belly muscles against his steadying hand loosen as he

relaxed and Kilgrave leaned back against him. Kilgrave let go of the saddle-

horn with one hand and took a lock of Mazy's mane between his fingers,

twirling it, then letting it it go to comb his fingers through more of her mane. He looked over his shoulder at Jack. "I'm glad we did this." He gave Jack a grin. "Can we go faster?"

"If you're sure. Hang onto the saddle horn and tighten your knees. I'll hold onto you. Just let your hips kind of roll with her movements, and if we go too fast, let me know. Ready?"

Kilgrave followed Jack's instructions. "Let's go," he said, all excitement now.

Jack clucked his tongue and dug in his heels, using his knees to let Mazy know to go faster. She increased her lazy gait to a smooth gallop.

"Woo hoo!" whooped Kilgrave. "I love it! Oh look, is this the big hill?"

"Yep," Jack said. "Almost there now." Jack slowed Mazy down again. "Look, you can see the first of the blackcurrant bushes just there. Look at how many there still are, and how big they are."

"Look, look, there's even more. Oh, Jack, it's a shame to let them go to waste, we have to come back tomorrow for more."

Jack chuckled. "We aren't spending our honeymoon harvesting blackcurrants. We can do this today, but I'll arrange to have them harvested and shipped back home. We can have them frozen and you can have all the blackcurrants you like, for jam or muffins or anything else."

Kilgrave scowled at him. "What about Aggie and Bill?"

"Okay, they can have some, too."

"They're old, Jack. They should have lots. Bill can't get up here to pick them for Aggie. Let them have half, please?"

Jack kissed his cheek. "I'll buy them a freezer and they can have half, and I'll hire some help to pick them from here on out. For themselves and to sell if they want."

"How about we come up here every year and do it for them?"

"Sounds very nice...and very romantic."

"Oh, you noticed!"

"Cheeky!"

"Can we, though?" There they were, the puppy dog eyes. And not the manipulative ones, either, the sincere ones, the ones that came from Kilgrave's innermost soft spot."We can bring some back for the team, too."

"I think it's a lovely idea," Jack agreed. "Here we are. And just look at all those berries!"

Jack hopped down from Mazy's back and helped Kilgrave do the same. He tied Mazy's reigns to a nearby stump and took a blanket roll from her back along with saddle bags and sacks. He loosened her bit and gave her some oats to munch on. Kilgrave stroked her neck.

"Pretty lady," he murmured. "Thank you for the lovely ride."

"Come on."Jack said, handing Kilgrave a sack. "Time to go berrying."

The bushes were so laden it took no time to fill their sacks, back packs and saddle bags, except for the one Jack had filled with their snacks and a bottle of wine. He unrolled the blanket beneath a lone tall pine and unpacked their snacks, pulling out the bottle of wine as well. No wine glasses – a pair of metal cups would have to serve. Jack handed Kilgrave a sandwich made of the savory lamb Aggie had made the night before. After the sandwiches Jack washed some of the berries with some bottled water and they had those for desert.

"Enjoying your day outdoors?" he asked.

"Much more than I thought I would," admitted Kilgrave. "What is that? That look in your eye, Jack Harkness." Laughter bubbled from Kilgrave's throat. "You've got mischief in your eye!"

Jack just grinned. He eased Kilgrave onto his back and kissed him. Kilgrave melted into it, yet still when Jack pulled away he noted the look in his eye.

"What are you planning, Jack Harkness?" Even with the suspicious look in his eye, he was still grinning.

"I was thinking I might add a little extra element of adventure to our ride," Jack said. He unbuckled Kilgrave's belt and undid his trousers, then removed his boots before sliding off his bottoms and underpants. He stood and divested himself of his own boots and trousers before grasping Kilgrave's hand and pulling him up. He lifted him in his arms and carried him over to where Mazy stood, calmly nibbling grass. He hoisted his lover up onto the saddle.

"Jack, I ̶̶ I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Just trust me, Muffin, You're never going to forget this."

"That I don't doubt, but is it a good idea?"

"Oh, come on, now, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Jack, I..."

"Just you wait and see, Muffin." Jack put Mazy's bit back properly and took her reigns. "In no time you'll be thanking me."

He mounted Mazy behind Kilgrave and slipped an arm around him, stoking his belly in soothing circles while he dropped kisses along his shoulder. It took a few minutes, but Kilgrave finally slumped back against him, unable to resist. Jack took a tube of lube out of his shirt pocket and readied himself, then used his other arm to lift Kilgrave and settle him, sliding into him with soft, reassuring whispers.

He guided Mazy forward in a slow walk. Kilgrave moaned deep in his throat.

"Bottomless horseback riding." he said. "Only Jack Harkness could have thought this one up." Kilgrave gasped as Jack's arm held him close and tight, gripping the saddle-horn. He leaned back against his lover, his head turned into Jack's shoulder. "Faster, make her go faster! Yes, yes, like that!"

"See? I told you you'd like it," Jack said. He kissed and nibbled Kilgrave's ears and neck, drinking in his lover's moans. "Want me to go faster?"

""Y-yes! Oh, God, Jack, this is amazing. Faster, yes, please!"

Jack took Mazy from a trot to a gallop, and when the time was right to a full run as they took their apex of pleasure. Mazy seemed to sense her job was done and slowed down, returning to their spot under the tree on her own.

He helped Kilgrave down and carried him to their blanket, laying his prize down to rest. He rummaged through one of the saddle bags and took out a rag and some saddle soap and cleaned the saddle. Putting the items away, he went to Kilgrave and collapsed next to him, still breathing hard.

Kilgrave watched him cleaning the saddle. "You planned this?"

"I hoped for it," corrected Jack. "I wanted to expand your horizons!"

"Oh, is that what we're calling it?" Kilgrave said with a cheeky grin.

He laughed while kissing Kilgrave's neck."We'll have to head back soon," Jack said. "Aggie will need to show you how to make jam, and then we should get cleaned up before dinner."

"Can we go riding some more before we go home?"

Jack grinned. "Clothing optional?"

"Clothing definitely optional."

"Speaking of which, I suppose we had better put on our pants and shoes."

Jack fetched Kilgrave's clothing and dressed him with an indulgent smile before letting Kilgrave help him into his own apparel. He gathered up everything and put it away so they could ride back and they made their leisurely way back to the stable.

Jack helped Kilgrave down from the saddle and watched as he stroked Mazy's neck.

"Thank you for the wonderful ride," he said, patting her. "Especially the naughty part." he side-eyed Jack. "I hope we didn't traumatize you." Mazy whickered nonchalantly. Jack took her reigns and they walked her into the barn.

Once Mazy had been seen to Kilgrave took the berries to the kitchen to show off to Aggie. Jack went to the cabin and readied the Jacuzzi. He stepped out onto the balcony and watched Kilgrave coming to the cabin, a bounce in his step. He went to the bedroom door and hid behind it. When Kilgrave walked through it, Jack grabbed him and gave him a spin. Kilgrave responded with what could only be described as delighted squeak. Jack put him down.

"Well, was Aggie impressed?" Jack asked.

"Very much so." Kilgrave snuggled into Jack's embrace. "She lit up like a Christmas tree. But then she smacked me with a dish towel and told me to go take a bath! She said 'you smell of Mazy and Jack'. I'm sure she knows we were doing more than picking berries." He blushed a little with that last statement.

"Aggie's not an idiot, and she's not a prude," Jack reassured. "Don't worry about it. I'm very careful who I hire. I wouldn't have anyone in my house that's an asshole about same sex relationships, Muffin."

Kilgrave nodded, looking Jack in the eye, his own eyes full of trust. Jack gave him a gentle kiss, then led him to the Jacuzzi.

"Are you sore after your ride?" said Jack, "If you are, a nice, long soak will take care of it."

"Only a little," Kilgrave said. "I do heal up pretty quickly."

"Ramped up healing powers, I forget about that sometimes." Jack began undressing him. "Still, I intend to look after you. That's not going to change."

"I hope not," Kilgrave gave him a smile. "My turn." He began undressing Jack.

Jack gathered his lover to him for a kiss, and in seconds they were both a tangle of limbs beside the Jacuzzi, all lips on skin, teeth scraping gently in all the right places, hands sliding around every sensitive area, exploring and committing to memory every patch of skin and nerve ending which gave their lover shivers of pleasure.

Jack positioned their bodies for what he wanted - "A little sixty-nine, shall we?" Kilgrave certainly had no objections. The sensuality of giving and receiving pleasure orally at once overtook them both. They took their time, languid, yet greedy. Jack made sure Kilgrave went first before taking his own pleasure. Not ready to stop yet, he rolled Kilgrave on top. "Ride me," he said. "Lube is in my pocket."

Kilgrave fished the lube out of the pocket of Jack's trousers which had been been abandoned alongside his own.

"Make yourself ready," Jack said, "I want to watch."

Kilgrave squeezed out a generous amount of lube into his hand and reached behind himself. Jack watched his face as he penetrated himself with his fingers, a long exhalation of breath marking his pleasure.

"Oh, Jack, if I'm not careful I'll make myself come before your ready for me to," he warned.

"Who says I don't want you to come like this? Maybe I want to watch you get yourself off before you ride me."

"Oh, Captain, you're really trying to make this even better, aren't you?"

"Doing my best, Muffin. Now carry on."

He watched as Kilgrave continued to penetrate himself, his member rock hard. Jack wrapped his hand around it to speed things up, and in mere minutes Kilgrave spilled on Jack's belly.

"Now put some on me and ride me,"Jack said. Still gasping, Kilgrave spread lube over Jack's shaft. Jack put his hands around Kilgrave's waist and guided him onto his member, groaning as he slid inside the heat of his lover's body. Already sated once, Kilgrave rocked gentle and slow, which suited Jack just fine. He was learning to pace himself on his own. Jack stroked and petted his thighs, back and hips with soft affectionate nonsense sounds, encouraging him to set his pace, waiting for Kilgrave's moans to indicate when he was nearing his apex.

When the time came Jack said, "That's it, baby, come on, let go, come for me."

Head thrown back, Kilgrave cried out, fingers digging into Jack's flesh, knees squeezing into his sides, spilling once more onto Jack's belly as Jack found his own completion deep in his lover's body. Kilgrave slumped over on top of Jack, loose and sated.

"Jack Harkness," he gasped. "If someone had told me five years ago I would find a lover who could actually satisfy me, I would have called them a liar."

"Glad to be of service," Jack replied. He wrapped his arms around Kilgrave. "If someone had told me five years ago I would fall head over heels in love with someone like you I would have called then a liar, too. Muffin, I'm so proud of you. How could I not fall in love with you?"

"Couldn't have done it without you, You and the Doctor and your team. I'm proud of all of you, Jack. You saved me, but you have to keep on saving me. I know it's not over, But that's okay. I don't mind. It just means I get to make you all proud of me some day. And now I get to add Aggie and Bill to the list. All the time I'm adding people to my list of people I can't let down. I have you to thank for that."

Jack rolled him over on his back and kissed him with tenderness, the sincerity and gratitude for such unconditional trust apparent in his affection. But all he said was "Bath time." And somehow those two words seemed to be enough.


	19. Chapter 19 - First Flight – Part 6

Apologies for the long wait -life troubles and a dying computer. Hopefully the computer problems will soon be resolved - not so much the life problems. I'll try to do better in future. Please don't give up on this story - our heroes have a real adventure before them and great dangers to face! 

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Kintsugi for Kilgrave

Chapter 19

First Flight – Part 6

Kilgrave's jam-making skills seemed to have come to him naturally, according to Aggie. He had duplicated Aggie's lamb fairly well, but not to his satisfaction, pouting over his over-use of seasonings.

"Next time, remember," she said, "Keep it simple as with all country dishes, dear. Don't carry on so, it's quite good, yours is. Reminds me of my auntie's own."

That seemed to make him feel better, but he made a mental note to not over-use the spices next time. His root veggies had come out perfect. Maybe even better than Aggie's, going by Bill's reaction. Over the past few days, after their morning rides, Kilgrave took over more and more household duties in preparation of Aggie and Bill leaving the house and cabin to the pair of them for a few days. Well, barring the stable hands.

He had decided to replicate the rabbit dinner he and Jack had enjoyed on their first real date before they gave Aggie and Bill their days off. There were already fresh garden vegetables. He had everything he needed right at hand.

They skipped their ride that day, much to Jack's displeasure.

"I want to concentrate on getting everything right," Kilgrave explained. "Besides, we have plenty of time for rides after today. Today is special. I've been dying to try my hand at that rabbit dish. I'm fairly sure I can pull it off, but I need to keep my mind on my work."

"You're adorable, the way you love to cook for people. It's okay, I know you've been looking forward to this...and, too, it means after tonight, we have the place to ourselves except when the stable hands are here."

"There is that," Kilgrave agreed. "We really haven't had the chance to be alone yet."

"Sounds better and better all the time." Jack took his hand and they strolled together to the croft.

Kilgrave allowed Aggie to stay with him him in the kitchen, but only to keep him company.

"No working in here for you today," he reprimanded. "Besides, this is my special meal today. Have a seat, make yourself comfy and do some crocheting if you like, but the cooking is all mine. I'll just be using the saddle part of the rabbits. What should I do with the rest?"

"Why don't you put them in the fridge, and you can make a lovely stew tomorrow? Jack loves rabbit stew as well."

"Good idea, I think I might just do."

Kilgrave cut up the rabbits and separated the pieces. He seasoned the saddle parts and set them aside while he put away the rest, cleaning up after himself. He mixed the ingredients for the chocolate-raspberry pudding, poured it into ramekins, placing them in a roasting pan. He boiled water and poured it into the roasting pan and put it in the oven.

While he waited on the pudding he poured wine for them all and served them each, taking a little while for small talk. When the pudding was nearly done he went back to the kitchen to start the meal. He put oil in the pan and started the braising process, letting the garden veggies wait to be steamed last. Setting the rabbit aside to rest while the veggies steamed, he set the table. Candles lit, wine at the ready, he brought in the food after he seated everyone.

Kilgrave held his breath as he waited for the response, from Bill and Aggie but mostly from Jack.

"Well?" he said, in an agony to know if Jack approved. "Is it as good?

Jack stared at him, chewing slowly. It seemed to take an eternity for him to finish. Finally he swallowed his bite.

"Well?" again Kilgrave asked. "Is it? Is it as good?"

"Absolutely not," Jack said.

Kilgrave's face fell.

"It's better," Jack said. "It's ten times better." Jack sampled the veggies and the pudding." "That's it, I'm putting you under an armed guard before some evil chef kidnaps you and chains you up in his kitchen."

"What? No, it can't—" Kilgrave sampled his own portions. His eyebrows rose. He began to giggle. "I did it! Jack, I actually did it! I was worried it wouldn't be as good. By God, mine is better, it really is actually better!"

"What do you think you did differently, laddie? Aggie asked.

"I remembered what you said about not over-seasoning my cooking. Letting the food taste like itself. The Aggie Method." Kilgrave grinned. The last part of his remark had made Aggie blush.

The set to their meal. Chatting idly until they were finished, then Kilgrave poured another glass of wine for them all.

"So,"Jack said, "What will you and Aggie be doing with your days off?"

"We thought we might have a visit with our friends near Thurso, then go and see some of our relatives. They've been after us for a while for a visit. We're some of the eldest in the family, now, and they've been wanting us to come and see them and have a nice visit. They want us to retire, but we love the croft, here."

"I know you do, Bill," Jack patted his gnarled hand. "I want you to think about that offer I made you a year or two ago. Have you put any thought into finding a nice couple to take over when you decide to retire? I have to check them out first."

"I have a list,"Aggie said. "I'll leave it with you, but it'll be another couple of years."

"But...where will they go, Jack?" Kilgrave brow knitted in concern.

"Not to worry," Aggie said. "Jack has already set us up with a nice arrangement, a little flat just the right size, and a nurse and housekeeper to come by and see to our needs. I tried to say no, but he insists he's well off and owes it to us."

Kilgrave gave Jack a look full of love, for the first time in front of Bill and Aggie dropping all pretense of his feelings for his lover. He leaned over and kissed Jack's cheek. "That's my Jack," he said.

They chatted a few minutes more before Bill and Aggie rose to leave. "Time we left the two of you to yourselves," Bill said. "Jack, it's been a pleasure meeting your friend."

"More than," added Aggie. "Enjoy your alone time, the pair of you. It'll be much nicer without a pair of old codgers about."

"I'm happy to have met the old codgers," Kilgrave said. "And I hope to see you often."

"See that you do," Bill said.

"If it makes him happy, he will," Jack said. He took Bill's bag and Kilgrave took Aggie's. She fetched out a pair of items from her crochet basket: a pair of scarves. One was in shades of blue, and one in purple. She put the blue one around Jack's neck and the purple one around Kilgrave's. She blushed when each man kissed her on both cheeks at once.

Hands linked, they stood in the doorway and watched the old couple drive off to their well-deserved time away. Jack looked at Kilgrave and noticed his brow furrowed. "What's wrong, Muffin?"

He shrugged. "I hope they enjoy themselves is all," he said. "They won't have too many more years together, Jack."

"I know, sweetheart," Jack said, giving Kilgrave's hand a gentle squeeze. "They know it, too."

"I can see it in the way they look at each other sometimes." Kilgrave turned and curled into Jack's embrace, seeking comfort. "It's sad and beautiful all at once."

Jack pushed the door shut and locked up. He cupped Kilgrave's cheek in his palm, stroking the soft skin just below his big, soft, brown eye, shining with emotion. He bent and kissed his paramour with all the tenderness he deserved.

"You have so much to learn about love, sweetheart," he whispered.

"Yeah," Kilgrave said. "Bit complicated, isn't it? It's wonderful and beautiful and I love being in love so much." He clung to Jack, toying with the buttons on his shirt with trembling fingers. "But at the same time, it's a bit sad and well...sometimes sort of terrifying."

"You'll never lose me, Muffin, you know that, I'm not going to die on you."

Kilgrave looked up at him and swallowed, nodding. "Yeah," he said. "But something else could happen. You could, I dunno, fall into the Rift or something. And I'm not immortal. Someday..."

Jack stopped his mouth with a kiss. "Sweetheart, let me explain something to you. We really are no different than any other couple. We're promised nothing. All we have is right now. So I'm going to insist that you stop this nonsense and don't waste another minute worrying about what could happen. It's just as possible we could be together for a very long time. You're different, this we know. For all we know, you could live for thousands of years."

Jack scooped him up in his arms and carried him through the house, out the back door, only putting him down long enough to lock the back door. "Instead of worrying, you should be celebrating," Jack said with a wicked grin. "We finally have the place to ourselves. And now I'm going to take your mind off everything but me and you."

He hefted Kilgrave over his shoulder. His love responded with a noise best described as a squeal, though he would never admit that. With single minded purpose, Jack carried him to their cabin like a wolf carrying his prey. Kilgrave's heart hammered in his chest and butterflies demanded to know what they were doing in his stomach.

Jack flung open their cabin door and kicked it closed again without even looking back over his shoulder. He tipped Kilgrave back enough to reach the lock. "Go on," Jack said, voice husky with authority. "Lock the door. With Bill and Aggie gone we won't be disturbed. The stable-hands have their instructions not to disturb us unless it's an emergency."

Kilgrave giggled. "Am I your prisoner of love, my Captain?"

"Kind of up for debate who captured who," Jack replied. "You may be in my care and technically, yes, my prisoner. But I think you know I fell in your trap, don't you. You caught me, fair and square. You've caught your beast, my beauty." Jack slapped his ass. "The question is, how tame do you want him?"

"Take me upstairs and I'll show you," Kilgrave purred.

Jack practically sprinted upstairs. He tossed Kilgrave onto the bed and instantly was on him, kissing him, lips parted and demanding, his tongue dragging out the most beautiful sounds as they undressed each other.

"Don't move," Jack said. "And no touching yourself.

"Ngk," whined Kilgrave, squirming with frustration.

Jack got up and lit a fire in the fireplace, then added bath salts to the Jacuzzi. Returning to the bed, he scooped up Kilgrave. His body was flushed pink with want and his breathing came in hitched little gasps.

Jack stepped into the warm, fizzy, bubbly water and eased them both into the soothing yet sensual warmth.

"That was such a good meal, you deserve a little spoiling," he said by way of explanation. He proceeded to give Kilgrave a cross between a bath and a massage until he felt his lover's going loose and relaxed beneath his hands.

"You got it wrong," Kilgrave mumbled against Jack's chest. "You're not the beast. I'm the beast. I'm the one that got trapped. I'm the one that wants taming. Tame me. Tame me. Let me curl up in your lap and purr for you. Just for you. Nobody but you."

"You want to be my little beastie, then?"

He gave Jack the softest smile. "M'yah. I do. Wearin' your collar, aren't I?"

Jack toyed with the little tag that said 'property of Captain Jack Harkness'. "Sure are," he agreed. "You really are proud of it, aren't you?"

Kilgrave held up his hand, the one with the ring Jack had given him on it. "I'm more proud of this than my collar," Kilgrave added in the softest of whispers. Jack took his hand, admiring the long, slender fingers. He kissed the ring.

"Come on," Jack said. "Let's get dry and warm by the fireplace."

He helped Kilgrave out of the tub, and grabbing some towels led him to their fireplace where he toweled every inch of his lover until he was rosy and warm and his hair was a sweetly mussed wreck. After drying himself he scooped Kilgrave up and carried him back to bed.

"Now where were we?" Jack teased. "Oh, yes, I remember. Kissing. Lots of kissing. Such a wonderful meal, I'm going to have you for afters."

"You already had afters," Kilgrave said. "I made you a perfectly lovely chocolate-raspberry pudding."

"Well, I want more afters," Jack said with the wickedest grin. "I'm having Muffin."

Jack knelt between Kilgrave's splayed legs, admiring the way even sprawled out on the bed there was a natural grace to him. The word 'lissome' was close, but a bit too feminine to fit. There nothing feminine about what lay before him: just sheer masculine beauty in a long, lean package, laid out all mouth-watering and waiting.

Jack carefully covered Kilgrave's body with his own – a living blanket of hungry flesh. He sought Kilgrave's lips, brushing lightly then slowly prying them apart to tenderly deepen and explore. He tongued the prominent ligaments of the long, graceful neck, eliciting a needful gasp. Kissed Kilgrave's Adam's apple as he gasped for air, then went on to the little valleys above his collar bones, then nibbled the rounded points of the collarbones themselves.

Downward to the sweet, dark nipples that Jack had spent so much time teaching Kilgrave to appreciate attention given to. His lover made a low, garbled sound, threading his fingers through Jack's hair. He squirmed and arched deliciously, his hardness pressed against Jack's thigh. Jack pressed back, making Kilgrave give up the sweetest little whimper.

Jack flicked his tongue downwards through Kilgrave's love-trail, nibbled around his navel, grinning at the way it actually made his muscles quiver. Those splayed legs trembled now, uncontrollable in anticipation.

When at last Jack took Kilgrave into his mouth, slow and smooth, his soft, low moan sent shivers down Jack's spine and shot straight to Jack's own member. He tasted so damned good Jack wanted to draw it out for hours, but that would just be selfish. He did take his time, though, building Kilgrave up to a fine climax, letting him arch up into Jack's mouth and fill it with his warm sweetness, the champagne-and-salt flavor that was uniquely Kilgrave.

Again, he covered Kilgrave's body, reaching for the lube on the nightstand. He handed it to his lover with a wolfish grin. He rose up on his knees between Kilgrave's still splayed legs expectantly, waiting.

Kilgrave didn't disappoint. He slicked up his fingers, pulled one leg up bent at the knee to his chest, and slid two slippery fingers inside himself. He was still hard from Jack's attention. Jack slipped two fingers in beside Kilgrave's digits and sought out that special little spot. Kilgrave, already aroused, jerked his hips upwards as Jack found it and then Jack crooked his fingers and Kilgrave groaned.

"I think we're ready," Jack observed. How do you want me to do this?"

Kilgrave didn't speak. His eyes grew large. He seemed to shrink into himself a bit. Felling vulnerable, then. Ah, he needed to be held.

Jack said not a word. He cradled his love in his arms and kissed him with tenderness, then gazed into his eyes. "I know," he said. "I can see."

"Do you?" Kilgrave asked.

Jack placed his fingers on Kilgrave's temple and sent a little telepathic flash of reassurance, acceptance, and so much love. He felt it echo back. His other hand on Kilgrave's hip, he slipped inside slow and easy. Their minds clicked together a little more like pieces of a puzzle.

Jack moved inside him slow and easy as their minds joined more tightly.

They began to become as one – not in the sense that one reads about in pornography or even erotica, but to actually blend together. Kilgrave cried out. This could be dangerous to his fragile mind. Jack pulled his mind away delicately with a telepathic apology, kissing Kilgrave's face.

"I'm sorry, that was foolish of me," he said "I just want you so much. I want all of you. It was wrong. I won't do it again."

"No, it – it was nice, I just wasn't expecting it. Like to try it again sometime, really, it was...sort of amazing."

"I'll have to ask the Doctor first," Jack said. "Just to be safe. I have to take care of you, sweetheart. I'm not willing to gamble with your precious mind."

"Then play with my body, Captain. Because whatever that was, it was really, really...mmmmm...indescribably erotic. I've never been so turned on in my life."

At that Jack felt himself swell almost painfully inside his lover. So hot, so very hot inside. Kilgrave bucked upwards. "Love me," he whispered.

And love him Jack did, long and slow and deep and hard, bringing him to climax again and again until he had and an armful of exhausted, limp Kilgrave gasping beneath him. He rolled them on their sides.

Jack kissed him again and again. "anything else you want, Muffin?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Oh, really?" Jack said practically barking with laughter.

"Razor clams. I want to make razor clams for you. I make great seafood. You know that."

"So a little trip to the seaside then, and shopping for fresh razor clams will make you happy?"

"Yup". Kilgrave said, followed my an enormous yawn.

"Then razor clams you shall have, and the seaside will be very romantic. And we'll still have the place to ourselves when we get back."

"And you can reward me for a delicious meal."

"You'll be desert."

"M'kay." He snuggled into Jack.

"God, I am so lucky," Jack said. Sweet dreams. Muffin."

He only got a soft snore back as a reply.


End file.
